Sunday, October 4, 2009

June 11, 2008

(copy/paste from myspace)

I used to hear people coming in to interview our doctors for their prenatal appointments and they would typically be about where I am now in their pregnancy and they would ALWAYS say: "any day now... or I am ready for him/her to get here... or I am tired of being pregnant..." and I would always think-- you are so selfish... that baby will come when it is time...

Well I choose to retract those thoughts now!

I have LOVED every single part of being pregnant... even the bad times like when I would crave something fried, causing me to inevitably throw up... because during those times Lance held back my hair and washed my face with a wash cloth and gave me pity!... I have even loved (well not COMPLETELY minded) all 23 freak'n pounds I have gained because I got this round belly full of love out of it that rolls and kicks and loves his mommy (and yes, I know not all 23 pounds is in my belly but whatever!)... and I haven't even minded my rages of craziness causing me to climb on top of the kitchen cabinets (just last week) because I HAD to kill this damn fly and Lance wouldn't come out of the office to do it for me! Or when I pushed and scratched Lance because he wouldn't stop telling me that we were going to keep the baby's bath tub in the spare bathroom's bathtub like a psycho... Because it gave me a funny story to tell later...

But now I am getting impatient. I definitely would not want to put our baby's health at risk but I am a nurse and am well aware that he were to come tonight he would be a little small (almost 6 pounds she is guessing) but he would be out of the dark as far as any major health concerns. In TWO days I will be 37 weeks. After 37 weeks a baby is no longer even considered "premature".

Come on Maddox... work with me son!

Our entire pregnancy has flown by. It seems like it was a week ago when I told Lance we were pregnant and we held my flat little belly kind of awkwardly because it seemed there was no way we were breading life in there and cried happy tears to now where it looks like I ate a basketball whole and I waddle around work like a duck and want to cry tears because my calves and feet are fat. I mean one to the other, jet engine fast.

But now... these last 2 weeks... are... taking... FOR-EVER.

And the pessimist in me is getting crazy again. I can't imagine THAT moment. The moment that I have anticipated since I was a little girl. The actual moment where I look at him and I AM his mommy. I mean, I know I am his mommy now but when I can kiss his face and see every part of him and see if he is anything near what I picture him in my thoughts to look like. And I think I am even more excited to see Lance hold him and kiss him than I am for myself. I know I will be overjoyed and will have a happiness that I have never known but I get to feel him all day long and I talk to him or sing to him and love him ridiculously but Lance doesn't. He loves him but I think he really just loves me and the idea of him. I mean, he rubs on my belly at night while we watch tv and kisses it every morning before I leave for work and he talks to him every now and then (more lately as he tells him to hurry up and get here) but I know as emotional of a person that he is, this will be bigger and better than anything he and I have ever got to experience. And this moment will be ours.

But the pessimist: I heard on the radio this morning that there was a profit near Abilene or something in some cult who profitized the world was going to end today or tomorrow by nuclear warfare and my first thought was not... moron-- how do people get so screwed up... like normal Holly... No, I thought... well that's about perfect-- I never can see his face in my dreams and I have a hard time picturing the point where Lance and I are HIS parents... and this is why... damn nuclear warfare-- the world is going to end before I can be a mommy!


I am telling you-- time is standing still... and this is what idol time does to me!

Moral of my story: Those selfish: any-day-now, I-am-ready-for-him-to-get here, I-am-tired-of-being-pregnant women...are now me. So come on Maddox-- we are ready.

PS... If you happen to be a terrorist reading my myspace blog and were thinking about starting some kind of chemical war soon... can you give me another few months?... I really have to meet this boy first!

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