Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Monday, November 23, 2009

poopy pants!

Yes, that is poop in that water! This is about the 4th time in 2 months that he has given me a bath time surprise... but 2 nights ago things got WAY worse!!

We had been out-and-about all day, with Maddox in the stroller or car seat or high chair all day long. When we got home, I stripped Maddox down, with plans on putting him in the bath to soak and sooth his little hiney but his daddy had already "called" his bathroom!

So I let him run around naked, to air out a bit!

And that is when we heard the sound... he was peeing in the corner!

So I cleaned it up and went back to be cleaning the kitchen.

Minutes later, Lance yelled at me to check on Maddox again because, this time, he was "too quiet"-- good call dad! Maddox came around the corner with poop EVERYWHERE!! And by everywhere, I am including his hands and MOUTH!! Maddox had his own poop in his mouth!!

Sorry there are no pictures of that one-- I was in complete disgust and he was quickly swished off to a pre-bath in the sink and then Lance gave up the bath room for a head-to-toe scrub down!

Lance keeps saying that he thinks he is ready to start potty training because he picks up on everything we try and teach him so quickly... I say we need WAY more time!!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

holidays, schmolidays...

I can't decide if it is the time change or the holiday's approaching with an empty pocket book or the threat of colder weather or what... but things have been pretty pessimistic here on Erwin Lane. ...Okay on Holly Lane!

When I feel really crappy and negative, I have to step back and look at our picture through Maddox's eyes. He doesn't have a clue! As a matter of fact, he would probably think he is much richer than most kids because he has his mommy AND daddy at home to play with every day! He would probably go on about his amazing baseball swing and how he can now make baskets in his basketball goal all by himself. (both due completely to the fact that his daddy works with him every single day.) Or about how he and his mommy BOTH ride around together on his fire track beeping our fake horn at the pretend people in our way and the puzzles we do together on the floor. I am almost certain he wouldn't mention our savings account that has dwindled away with his mommy's pride over the year but more about his body parts-- hair, ears, nose, mouth, belly, lips, hands, and feet; all of which he gets so proud to show off! He would not mention the tears that his parents have lost in bed while discussing this hell of a year, but probably the laughs that they have because they were best friends long before they were his parents.

I HAVE to stay positive because being negative is DRAINING me slowly. And this particular time of the year, always sucks! I wished away Maddox's first Christmas because I was so depressed that my perfect scenario for life was pulled out from below my feet and I have to make a conscious effort to not do that again this year. We are making memories. Crappy or not, they are memories.

The holidays always stink for multiple reasons...
  • Money: 3 years ago Lance and I got married on December 2. Though my mom and Lance's dad paid for most of it, Lance and I paid for a lot too and then spent a week on our honeymoon and came back with just DAYS to throw it all together. ...2 years ago (Lance was still in the mortgage business) and he got a 30% pay cut right before Christmas, since that is right with the market was falling off. ...And then last year, December 17th Lance lost his job. Though he was making great money then, I was panicked about spending any because I had no idea how long we would be in this situation. (thank God for the saving strategy-- it has helped up this past year). ...And now this Christmas. Sales for Lance are so variable. One month can be great and the next month may be zero. and I HATE that. I hate the unknown.
  • Time: (This will hopefully be much better this year...) Since I was a small child we have had to run like crazy to fit everyone in and hear the bickering between everyone over the issue to boot. Then I got married and doubled the places... and doubled the bickering! Both sides of our families are divorced so we have lots of places to go, we have tried our best to make everyone happy but inevitably never do. A few years back I was told that my brother and I have screwed up every Christmas since we were a small child so Lance and I decided we would never screw up that particular Christmas again, and cut that one out. Lance's grandmother on his mom's side and my grandmother on my step-dad's side both passed away this last year, so we have actually cut out 2 more places as well and this year are down to 5 places! We will fit them all in and enjoy them each individually, because we always do, but the thought of making it work with a 16 month old is a bit nerve-wracking!
  • Work. Since I am working PRN now, I get paid triple time to work holidays... which makes things more difficult for 3 reasons... one: night clinic is canceled for the weeks of Christmas and New Years and that's what I work and two: because it is just one more variable in the "time" section and three: HELLO triple time-- we are broke!! I will be taking much more call from home those 2 weeks so that will be nice too. There is nothing I love more about my job then the fact that I make 1/3 of my earnings each year from home!
But we will figure it out, we always do.
  • Hopefully one of the 9000 applications my husband has filled out will snatch him up... he is quite the catch! ...and that would alleviate my financial stress!
  • Our thanksgiving schedule is going to be REALLY nice... only 3 places to go Thanksgiving day and only 2 of them are at the same time! Maybe Christmas will follow suite!
  • I will just have to work. Its money. Thank the Lord I chose nursing-- which isn't really threatened by this ridiculous economy. I also applied for a nursing position at TCU... What a blessing that would be... FREE SCHOOL for Lance and I! I will keep my fingers crossed!
I will continue to look through Maddox's eyes... they are beautiful eyes you know! And try and stay positive... it is a much better way to live!

My father in law sent me this, and it really hit home to me:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on

inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,

arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,

superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,

kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

"Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied,

"The one you feed."

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I have not blogged in a few days, mainly because I have felt so negative lately, and no one wants to read that! And, mother nature, the dreaded beast, also popped up... man I miss those 2 years of not seeing her! I am going to blame her for the mood!

With Thanksgiving coming near, I thought I would list a few things I am thankful for.... and I am thankful for so much more!
  • Maddox. I do not deserve him, but I am thankful for him. Massively, passionately, deeply thankful.
  • Small towns. Though they have their faults, there is a "homey" feeling I get just from driving through. I miss the country.
  • Understanding a "mother's love". What an awesome thing. Something you can't describe until you live it. My mom warned me.
  • My front loading washing machine. Laundry is much more fun of a task with it.
  • My husband. He is a great guy. My best friend. And a mold for an exceptional dad. I consider myself lucky to have him. We make a perfect team.
  • Chai tea. Mulled cider. Iced caramel lattes and any other drink that makes me think of fall.
  • My mom. Though we butt heads at times, she listens well and understands even better. I Love her.
  • Music. All kinds. Accenting all moods.
  • Computers. Cell phones. And pagers. All of which allow me to pick up a paycheck while staying at home with my sukie bear.
  • cherry vanilla cokes.
  • Kind words. I make a point to compliment strangers and call managers when someone is really good at their job. It always makes my day when someone I don't know compliments me or tells my boss that I am good. I pass it on!
  • Amanda, Wendy, Candace, Kimberly, Kristen, Whitney, Randi, Holly, Malerie, Autumn.... and all of my other friends that I go to with questions, doubts, tears, laughs, etc. I love each of them for different reasons and so thankful for them individually.
  • Animal crackers. Which work as a reset button to my crying boy.
  • Pine-sol, Lysol, bleach and all other smell good cleaners.
  • my father-in-law.
  • Icing. homemade please.
  • video baby monitors. That let me check on my precious cargo all night long.
  • my family. and all of the things they do that make me crazy. It makes for good conversation pieces.
  • fall. the colors, flowers, smells, tastes and leaves.
  • Facebook. What a wonderful thing for nosey people like myself.
  • cell phones... and plans with massive amounts of minutes and unlimited texts.
  • The Black eyed Pea, Cotton Patch, Texas Roadhouse, Babes, & Celebrity Bakery.
  • heating blankets in the midst of winter.
  • game nights with our family.
  • pedicures, massages, shopping, make-up, and other things that keep me girly.
  • my wedding ring. And my watch. My 2 most expensive pieces of jewelry. both gifts from Lance.
  • memories, pictures, and better times.
  • lazy weekends, great services on Sundays, weekend dinners at mom's.
  • my husband's acceptance of me. always. :I'm not athletic. I'm not graceful. I am girly. I don't know about sports... or guns. I want more babies. I am emotional. I am petty. I am mean. I am irrational. I forgive too easily. I want too much. I love too much. I please too much. I can't say no. I am picky. I am high strung. I am hard to live with. I am an open book. And he loves me. I am thankful.
  • Thanksgiving food.
  • Rain.
  • the relationship Maddox has with Lance. They are already best friends. Literally.
  • stress, it reminds me I am an adult.
  • hope and faith. Which shows me the light at the end of this tunnel.
  • Blue Bell Homemade vanilla ice cream with milk on top.
  • Days at home with the 3 of us. Our late night bed time... and our baby who sleeps until 9:00 or 10:00.
  • Hardwood floors, which make cleaning up my yorkie-dogs pee much easier.
  • this year. Though I can't wait for it to be a memory... what a journey we have had. And what a mound of knowledge we have gained. We have learned to find positive in negative situations and cling to faith when we hit a wall. We are a 3-man unit. And a dang good team.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


I wrote 25 random facts on FB a while back... I just read them and thought I'd change a few and add a few... just for fun!
  • I LOVE sweet tea... and if it is decaf, it is just a bonus!!
  • I used to cry a lot. And not necessarily because I was sad.... but I rarely cry anymore. Sometimes I worry that I have gone flat. Or maybe I have finally realized that I only have to care about Maddox and all the other details that have hurt my feelings and what not aren't really all that important anymore.
  • I wish I loved my little Macy dog the way I used to... I love her-- but she slipped WAY down on my list.
  • I hate checking the voicemail on my cell phone, It makes me sick to see that I have so many waiting so sometimes I just delete them all at once! I hate to answer my phone too... but I do enjoy the text. Please just text me!
  • I never go a day without talking to my mom... or my friend Ponce.
  • My friend Wendy and I can go WEEKS without talking and one phone call will bring us right back to the same page in minutes. I love her.
  • There is nothing better than waking up to my sweet baby boy, playing in his crib and talking about his mommy and daddy.
  • I am not athletic. Or fast. I don't work out. I can't even yo-yo!
  • I have not worn a size 2 in probably 8 years... I should be pumped except I'm too broke to buy a new wardrobe.... so I hate it.
  • I recently started eating shredded chicken again but I have not eaten ground beef in eight years.
  • Lance has applied to well over 100 jobs without one damn interview. Why?
  • I have never been fired from a job.
  • I don't have any tattoos... I am not necessarily against them I just change my bedspread too often to permanently ink my body.
  • I love soup. and avocados.
  • My brother has a tattoo to represent my son on his arm... It is ridiculous how much I love my brother.
  • I play the craziest scenarios in my head and think about how I would respond to them if they really happened. I can't decide if it makes me crazy or just prepared?!
  • It is WAY easier to work when you don't actually HAVE to be there.
  • My husband is hilarious. But I like to tell him he's not sometimes just to put him in check.
  • I buy expensive makeup but use cheap shampoo.
  • I have huge tonsils. I Love high thread count sheets. I over-use chapstick. I am random!
  • I would have more kids than Brad and Angelina if I could afford them.
  • I have taken THOUSANDS of pictures of my child and have printed off ZERO.
  • I love Gateway church and the feeling I have when we leave.
  • I am a really anxious person.
  • I hate anything that flies or jumps... basically anything that I can't predict its next move.
  • On taco night (or lunch like today) I eat my tacos: corn tortilla, beans, sour cream, lettuce, shredded cheese, and ketchup. It still grosses Lance out after 8 years.
  • 3 separate people have told me that I am always "neat" and "put together"... I only took it as a compliment from one of them (Candace) who said I don't check the mail without looking nice. From the other 2, I think it was a way to say not pretty.
  • My friends Candace and Holly are both very spiritually grounded and I trust their opinions tremendously. ...and they are both very different people.
  • I love fall decorations but I hate Halloween decorations. I hate spider webs spread across bushes, tombstones, skeletons looking like they are crawling out of the dirt and most of all I hate those strains of pumpkin or skeleton lights that are only about 5 foot long and are notoriously planted off center in the flower beds. And I really hate it when people keep them up past Halloween...
  • I have awesome friends. Like beyond amazing. They come from all walks of life and I love each of them for very different reasons. I forgot that girls our age can still be caddy, but I found out recently they can... mine aren't.
  • The holidays make me anxious. So many places to go-- NEVER making anyone happy-- everyone saying that they understand but then back hand the conversation by saying they wish we could stay longer... I dread it every year. We said we would stop once we had kids... but here we go again.
  • I wish I had a good up-and-down belly button... even weighing 8lbs less then when I got pregnant with Maddox, my belly button is still rather horizontal.
  • I also wish I had those breastfeeding boobies back... maybe one day I'll buy a set.
  • I am constantly in awe of my friends family around me... they make me proud-- and I should probably tell them more. My cousin Amber is graduating college this December, My bestie Wendy went back to school while a mom for her awesome degree... as is my friend Kimberly... I think I want to go back to school soon. When I can afford to.
  • Lance and I took Maddox to the park today... we probably should have left the dogs at home but we all had fun!
  • We are having a Christmas party for our friends...festive clothing required and Chinese Christmas --Lance style! I need to get planning. It is going to be a blast!
  • Sometimes it blows my mind how Lance is so opposite of me (ie: anxious) but so similar that it gets a little scary. (ie: very protective)
  • I love my Mamaw... she recently turned 94!! Maddox was named after her.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Halloween 2009

Since we lived way in the country, Halloween was not a big deal in our family. Never in 16 years of living in Paradise did we have ONE trick-or-treater!! I only remember dressing up one time for our town's fall festival when I was really young (as snow white) but I was probably a cheerleader on other years so it doesn't stand out!! For the most part we did not gush over the day, we just went to the school's festival and had our faces painted or whatever. And we loved it! So making a big hoop-la over Halloween feels a bit silly to me!
But because I don't want my kid to miss out on anything... we dressed him up... and started a tradition this year!
We met Lance's sister's family (Jenn, Gardner, Landry and Dane) and my mom and David (and my sister and her friend Carissa) at Dos Chilis in Bridgeport for dinner... and then we hit up the town for some trick or treating! I thought Maddox would definitely be too young to enjoy it but I was wrong-- he loved it!! We let him walk up to a few doors and hold out his bag (and some people actually gave pretzels-- which he loved, and suckers-- which we let him attack!!) but mostly he just did some people watching from his trusty wagon!!
We ended the night at Chastity and Rusty Coleman's to see Holly and Ryan and munched on some yummy food!
We had such a nice night being with our families... I can't wait for the years to come!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

a mad mommy

I usually try and be funny or sincere with my blog posts and also try to even it out so that it isn't all serious or all laughs either... But today's post is neither. Tonight I am pissed.

It is no secret that I split up Maddox's vaccines. I have said time and time again that I DO NOT think vaccines are dangerous or harmful but we all have issues of anxiety as parents and vaccines are it for me. ...I won't kid you, I have other worries-- but this is one I stand pretty firm on.

I blogged about this anxiety back in the day... I think it was the night before Maddox had his 2 month check up. Lance and I made the decision to split the vaccines and we held firm. I caught SO MUCH slack for that. Every nurse I worked with said things about me being one of "those moms" and would continually drop comments my way making fun of me. One day during a lunch with the Merk reps (a manufacturer of vaccines) the entire luncheon turned its attention to me and my 'crazy ways'. Usually I laugh it off by agreeing that is is a little nuts and then change the subject. But NO MORE. I am done.

I have NEVER pushed my views on others. If my friends ask me my opinion, I tell them what we do for Maddox but then tell them that they should make their decision on their own opinions based on what will work best for their family. When parents call me at work, I tell them that vaccines are perfectly safe and that we have plenty of studies to prove it. However, if I have a mom call me who's child reacted poorly to their vaccines, (like Maddox did when I went AGAINST my mommy voice and did all 5 at his 4 month check up) I will tell them that the final word is theirs and if they would rather do a few less next time, that is their decision and they can talk to their physician about that. I'm sure this would be frowned upon, but we are the patient's advocate, right? And I am a worried mommy too.

Anywho, tonight I was confronted with quite the situation. A co-worker of mine decided to talk about a chick that is having a baby tomorrow and asked if she was going to be one of those 'weird mom's' who split up their vaccines... I said, "like me?" and laughed but she agreed. (this is maybe the 4th or 5th time this particular person has made snide comments to me) I said, very politely, "those weird mom's are just worried moms... wanting what's best for their baby"... she rolled her eyes and said, "and us normal mom's don't worry?" I turned around and started doing my work but immediately started breaking out in hives!!! ...and then I blew up! I dropped some ugly words... we went back and forth a few times and then I begged the question, "how what I did with MY child's shot record affected YOU in any way??" Get over yourself.

And it felt good.

From now on I am not going to laugh it off and act like, "I know... I'm a little nuts" anymore-- I'm going to get all up in their kool-aid! I'm working on some come backs now... Like telling them to mind their own business... or explaining that my kid's SR looks just like their kids, so they should quit being psycho and getting down to dates... or reminding them that their child is as old as me and they had about 80% less vaccines then, so of course they wouldn't worry about it-- they are too old to deal with such issues. Or to shut the hell up, I'm sick of looking at their face. :)

I will admit that I am a sucker. When people are mean to me, I forgive them quickly and try to be their friend later... that's who I am. Somewhat pathetic. But do not... DO NOT question my parenting skills. I will slash your tires for that! (now picture my smirkish-I'm kidding but not really face!)

I still need to post Halloween pictures and pictures from the airshow but I haven't gotten that far yet!