tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58217039627267009082024-03-13T14:18:03.745-07:00The Erwin Journeya journal of our days, and all of my heart.Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.comBlogger505125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-18367280697304389372017-10-04T08:09:00.007-07:002017-10-06T08:45:07.261-07:00words of affirmationrandom to pop in today, after no posts for 26,000 days but I wrote this blog for a friend of mine's mommy-blog in the spring, and wanted to keep it for myself too.<br />
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When we had our first baby, he continuously amazed us. Partly because he was ours, the first creation that we made together, and partly because he was the closest reflection to God that either of us had seen. <br />
We stared at him in admiration, and shouted at the rooftops to anyone who would listen! “He’s wonderful!”, “He’s incredible”, “He is so smart, watch him do sign language!”, “He is so good, he already sleeps through the night!”. As he grew, this continued, and as soon as we saw spark, we invested. <br />
He was hitting balls like kids older than him, making goals in ever soccer game, knew his letters and their sounds before he was two, and honestly, I thought it was a direct reflection of me. His accomplishments were obviously a representation of the mom that I was… He wouldn’t be this smart with any other mom… right?<br />
<br /><br />
Then we had two.<br />
<br /><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Our second is everything opposite of our first. He is a great kid, don’t get me wrong, but he didn’t sleep as a baby, and he didn’t talk until he was almost two. Though he walked at 8 months, it wasn’t because he was in a hurry. His pace at life in general, is that of a 100 year old, crippled tortoise. He would matter-of-factly tell me that an “A” was a “2” every single time we worked on his letters and he cried to be away from me more than a few steps.<br />
<br />
<br />
I actually apologized to his kindergarten teacher, since she had his older brother as a student too, before he ever started.<br />
I worried that his anxiety was my fault, and I struggled with the fact that I worked with his brother more on his milestones.<br />
<br /><br />
<br />
<br />
How else did my kid get behind?<br />
And yet he was only behind by the standard I had set for him.<br />
<br /><br />
Then I read something about the way we praise our kids. <br />
<br />
<br />
I realized that I had been painting one with a paintbrush dipped in glitter and using a color palate of neon colors—and apologizing for the colors that I used for the other.<br />
I was overlooking that our second child could build things out of Legos that the oldest couldn’t begin to dream up and can answer math questions quicker than my husband can. <br />
It was me that wasn’t giving him a chance to show me his niche, but also because his makeup is so different that my first, he had no desire to prove himself either, just slowly reveal it in time. <br />
<br /><br />
<br />
<br />
But I wasn’t being patient.<br />
<br /><br />
<br />
<br />
I spoke to who he was, before he had even opened the gift completely.<br />
I started thinking about the words I spoke over my kids and dug into the topic a little. I read to use words like “important”, “thoughtful”, “courageous” and “kind” and the one that struck me the most was learning to say, “I accept who you are”. I read to compliment their character, rather than saying things like “handsome”, and “smart” and I started living in that. <br />
<br /><br />
I know that, for me, as an adult, I live in the words that I speak; and as much as I hate to admit it—the words that are spoken about me. I bathe in them and wear them for the world to see. <br />
<br /><br />
‘Words of affirmation’ is my number one love language so I began to choose the way I loved on my boys, through my words, differently.<br />
<br />
<br />
I truly believe that children become what they are told that they are and in my opinion, the world is set up to tell them that they aren’t enough.<br />
<br /><br />
So even through the eyes being rolled behind me, or the other parents who might take it as too much—I choose to drench mine in affirmation. <br />
<br /><br />
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As their parents, we were chosen specifically, to be their biggest fans. We shouldn’t apologize for that. We should tell them that they are capable, that they are valued, and that they are set apart. We should point out the qualities of their peers and others around us, that we strive to mirror, and we should passionately convince them that we believe in them. <br />
We should tell them every day that they make us proud… and we should wholeheartedly believe and profess that they are great.<br />
<br /><br />
Maybe this is so obvious to you. But it was a light bulb for me!<br />
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<br />
I don’t have girls, but I hear my friends say how sassy they are… but by professing that about them, aren’t we in some way giving them the opportunity to fulfill the description?<br />
Same with boys.<br />
How often do you hear how rowdy they are? Or the old “boys will be boys” saying…<br />
<br />
<br />
Stop.<br />
Speak to what you expect.<br />
And lay those words down on them.<br />
Think about the qualities that will carry them as adults, as parents, as spouses, and as employees, then buff ‘em up like a shiny penny.<br />
<br />
<br />
Praise their manners, the way they respect others and their heart.<br />
Praise their hustle, accountably and hard work.<br />
Point out the way they make others feel, and acknowledge when they gave their best, even if it wasn’t the best of the race.<br />
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Cheer loud! <br />
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Let them hear your heart…<br />
The words you speak will be the voice they tuck away and search for when they have nothing else to give.<br />
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<br />
In the words of William Martin:<br />
“You do not have to make your children into wonderful people. You just have to remind them that they are wonderful people. If you do this consistently from the day they are born, they will believe it easily.”<br />
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Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-24326245459619648782016-06-28T19:53:00.001-07:002016-06-28T19:58:29.621-07:00JuneJune has a few days left, but I am trying to get my blog up to date before Knox gets here.<br />
<br />
The boys have started it out busy with a trip to the trampoline park, a couple of camps, lots of water outside, the splash park, and the zoo.<br />
<br />
We are cramped on space, so have just been grabbing the basics to life for our little lamb here and there. <br />
Mom and David bought us a bassinet, that we have put together and I have been buying sleepers as I see them on sale.<br />
We bought our carseat from a friend and Lance found the matching stroller on Craig's List this week, so we have the complete set now.<br />
I bought a sling on Ebay but did splurge on a diaper bag for Mother's Day-- and a couple of Aden + Anais Muslim swaddle blankets.<br />
<br />
People joke, "third kid problems" but it is true.<br />
I don't think that Knox is short changed, you just get more realistic each time.<br />
Like the sleepers.<br />
That's all they wear for the first few months...<br />
and they crap up their back at least twice a day, so many are necessary, however cute big-boy outfits made out of itchy material, really aren't.<br />
<br />
Also, like the $400 bedding that we bought Maddox.<br />
I would never do that now.<br />
Never.<br />
Mainly because that comforter ends up being a hassle-- put it over the rail for looks during the day-- pull it out at night so they don't swaddle up in it and suffocate.<br />
Bumpers are no longer recommended--and you could never see the bed skirt anyhow.<br />
So basically, once we actually have a house that has a room that can be called Knox's-- we turned the entire bedding collection into a sheet.<br />
$15 max.<br />
<i>because we are smarter now.</i><br />
<br />
Despite me pitching this exact case to the girls I work with, they decided to throw us a shower at work.<br />
I have worked with some of these girls for over 10 years-- and others just months-- but I truly feel blessed to see friends 3 days a week, rather than just co-workers.<br />
Together, they threw the cutest shower for our boy and stocked us full of diapers, wipes , gift cards, and a few outfits too.<br />
And we appreciated it, tremendously.<br />
<br />
June was also David's birthday.<br />
The coolest thing about us all living so close now, is how much time our kids get to play together.<br />
I admit to be biased-- but I have the sweetest nieces and nephews and love spending time with them.<br />
We had hotdogs and cake around a campfire...<br />
while listening to music and watching the kids play.<br />
<br />
Maddox started his summer in basketball camp.<br />
He did so well.<br />
The camp was hosted by the players of the Bridgeport state championship team, and was well put together.<br />
He enjoyed it.<br />
<br />
We had quite the adventure in our creek this June as well.<br />
I am not sure if I have mentioned the rain ;) but it has kind of ruined everything.<br />
My brother, Lance, and Dave thought they would take the Rangers down the creek to play in it.<br />
Lance texted me saying that he and David had both gotten stuck and were trying to wench themselves out.<br />
For God knows what reason, us girls decided to take the kids down to watch.<br />
We had no idea that they had made it so far down the creek before they popped one wench cable, and caught the other Ranger on fire, but we hiked in sandals , through quicksand, with babies forEVER to find them!<br />
<br />
All of our phones ended up dying, aside from mom's, and they were finally able to pull themselves out using the four-wheeler.<br />
The guys were covered in poison ivy and chiggers-- we were sore as could be-- and my brother said I looked like a navajo indian, washing dishes when I refused to leave Beckham's shoe behind that he lost in a never-ending puddle of mud!<br />
But it was fun!<br />
<br />
Church camp was in June too.<br />
Maddox had a blast-- as he always does.<br />
B had a true-to-life anxiety attack which left me crying and yelling at Lance in the church.<br />
He was excited to go the entire day. <br />
He remembered how much he liked it last year and couldn't wait to do it again.<br />
But then he couldn't.<br />
He was frozen.<br />
The most frustrating part about having a child with anxiety isn't really the child.<br />
It is the other parents, who honestly mean well-- I know that-- but think they have a plan better than yours.<br />
This isn't like the day your child cried... this isn't that at all.<br />
This is decades of inherited genes from both sides of his family tree.<br />
Both sides.<br />
I know you think it will be better if I "just leave" or let you take him.... I know you think your child wouldn't do that because "you wouldn't allow it"... or give into it or whatever.<br />
But believe me when I say that we have tried everything.<br />
We have ignored it.<br />
We have praised accomplishments.<br />
We have disciplined.<br />
We have threw him in and walked away.<br />
We are trying.<br />
This isn't your child.<br />
I know this is beyond what your child has done because had you walked this walk-- you'd say, "I get it"-- "You're doing great"-- and "hang in there"when you see us melting.<br />
I yelled at lance because I am past letting it embarrass me.<br />
But he's not.<br />
He gets frustrated and mad at him... and wanted me to make a decision.<br />
Either take him or leave him.<br />
The problem is that I know he wants to stay.<br />
He had many kids there that he knew-- including his brother-- and there isn't one part of him that <i>likes</i> being frozen and upset and unable eat.<br />
But it isn't a fit either.<br />
I would discipline a fit.<br />
It is like the world is going on around him at 3 million miles per hour but he can't unleash and go in.<br />
Tears cover his face and his body doesn't move. He's quiet and frozen. He becomes a fish out of water.<br />
But I have dealt with it long enough now, that I also know that he eventually will warm up.<br />
So to me, allowing him to sit <i>in </i>my lap while we listened to stories of Jesus and sang songs of his praise was fine-- and then sit <i>next</i> to me while I unwrapped his PB&J and let him eat, careful not to move so he knows I am not trying to pull the wool over his eyes-- and then <i>near </i>me as he did the first two slides-- was what he needed to be able to let me leave.<br />
He didn't go the next 2 nights (although he cried himself to sleep once we were home after backing out the second night, so disappointed in himself) but was excited to go the last night-- parent's night-- again.<br />
Because I stayed.<br />
And if you were around when Lance went through his anxiety-- I did the same damn thing for him.<br />
Except he was an adult.<br />
So I yelled.<br />
At him.<br />
In church.<br />
And probably cussed.<br />
But God knows me in and out of his house--<br />
And he knows that we are trying.<br />
<br />
And take away the anxiety,<br />
that kid is easy.<br />
Respectful, loving, handy, helpful....<br />
I know I could have worse to overcome.<br />
<br />
Beckham started off his summer in swimming lessons.<br />
He had fun...<br />
but I think he actually did better last year than this one.<br />
He got in the car after our last lesson and said, "well, I didn't pass a single thing but she still gave me this award. That was so nice of her."<br />
I said, "don't be excited about that. That sheet says I paid my $80 and you showed up. That's it. That's no award at all."<br />
<br />
I took him swimming last week and we tried practicing but he screamed like a pig which made me yell in his face in a way that no one deserves-- and he decided to just quit all together and asked to sit out instead.<br />
Because that was his option. You practice or you dry off.<br />
And he sat out.<br />
So that's that.<br />
<br />
Our forms are half way up on our house and the land work is complete.<br />
We spent a day picking out granite, which was a breeze--<br />
but almost choked each other over plumbing fixtures.<br />
Lance-- who cooks ZERO times ever--<br />
decided to have a monopoly over kitchen fixtures.<br />
Lance has great taste-- that's not the problem-- he just thinks we are paying with someone else's wallet sometimes and I am all about that budget.<br />
<br />
I hear that house building is hard on a marriage, so I am going to try and not care too much about the details...<br />
especially because I am kind of obsessed with my husband right now and don't want to ruin all of that,<br />
but it would be helpful if he'd do the same.<br />
<br />
For that day, we decided to walk away from house stuff and go bowling instead.<br />
Which was kind of a win.<br />
<br />
<i>At least until the next time we talk about sinks! ;)</i><br />
<br />
For now, all talk is of Knox Henry.<br />
We are due in less than week.<br />
At our 36 1/2 week appointment he was measuring 7lb 6oz, which was exactly what B weighed at birth.<br />
Maddox was 8lb 9oz, so I wasn't anticipating anything tiny-- however if those measurements were correct (which they typically are not), he would be over 9 1/2 lbs at birth--<br />
and if I carried him a week late, like I did the boys, he could get close to 10!<br />
<br />
Last night we thought we were summoned to meet him.<br />
I got home from work and we started getting dinner going, when I noticed my contractions seemed to have a pattern to them.<br />
I grabbed my trusty app and started timing them.<br />
Consistently, they were between 3-4 minutes for a couple of hours. I eventually laid down, and they began to slow down to 7-9 and even 12 minutes, so I started believing that it was fluke...<br />
until I got up to go potty and they bounced right back into pattern and started moving into my back.<br />
Not painful-- but more uncomfortable than they had been.<br />
<br />
At about 11:00, we decided to head to Fort Worth.<br />
My app kept giving warning, "It is time to get your hospital bag and documents ready. If the hospital is far away or this is not your first labor, now would be the perfect time to go to the hospital."<br />
I fell in both categories, being an hour and 10 minutes away-- and pregnant for the third time-- that I listened.<br />
Except we were wrong.<br />
<br />
They monitored the contractions for a couple of hours, but laying on my back in a hospital bed, dropped them down just as they had at home and there was no change on my cervix so they discharged us about 2:30am.<br />
<br />
My sweet husband headed to work on less than 3 hours of sleep, and I have laid around contracting off and on all day.<br />
Still not painful.<br />
Still not any closer together.<br />
<br />
I kind of hate that we went because I feel like I am going to be more gun-shy, the next time when it is actually real. I also hate that I ruined my record of going 3 for 3 without any unnecessary trips to the hospital/ ER for a pregnancy.<br />
But mostly I hate it, because if tonight becomes 'the night', I won't want to wake Lance because he worked almost 12 hours in the heat on 2.5 hours of sleep.<br />
But lets be honest-- just like the first two, he will probably keep his self set in place past his due date. ...and that won't really become an issue.<br />
<br />
Our nurse was so sweet and my sister and mom met us at the hospital...<br />
The boys could hardly contain themselves with excitement as we left--<br />
but weren't too disappointed today, when they saw he was still rolled up nice and tight in my belly.<br />
<br />
The neatest part about having "older" kids this pregnancy, is seeing how mature they handle me.<br />
Maddox is so in tune to me that he will notice grimaces on my face that I didn't know I was making. <br />
He itches my back at night and asks how he can help me.<br />
Beckham is less the 'husband' that Maddox tries to be but that child is obsessed with the baby far more than Maddox.<br />
He will occasionally get out of bed at night, just to come kiss my belly and he loves to snuggle up next to me and feel Knox move.<br />
<br />
As awesome and helpful as that is, I knew it would mean that "a baby is coming out of mommy's tummy" would probably warrant further information at some point too.<br />
<br />
Last week was that time.<br />
<br />
At 36 weeks, they start the weekly appointments, which include her checking dilation of my cervix.<br />
The boys have to come with me, but we bring iPads and phones and they didn't seem to really notice since Dr Deem stations herself between them and me and keeps the sheet down.<br />
<br />
Lance was off for our next appointment and the boys were in his lap. She stayed discreet but when I stood up to put my clothes back on, Beckham said, "why does she always check your weenie?' Maddox matter-of-factly replied, "its her bottom, Bubba... girls don't have weenies."<br />
<br />
(Flash back-- the week previous-- Beckham got Maddox and I tickled because he was in the stall over at Target and he can't seem to get this genitalia thing straight-- although he is definitely interested! He says, "momma, are you tee-tee-ing or poo-pooing?" I said, "Tee-tee-ing. Shhh." He quickly replied, "oh. With your weenie? But not a real weenie... just like a tiny one that stays in your body or something. like a weenie for girls." I said, "yes B. Hush!" Because I could hear giggles for stalls down.)<br />
<br />
For God knows what reason, I felt it the time to take his observation further.<br />
"Actually... girls have a vagina. God created them for mammas to birth babies. It is kind of like a bottom-- but kind of different." I went on to say, "sometimes babies are cut from the momma's tummy and other times they push them out through their vagina."<br />
Maddox was looking at me like he didn't understand and said, "what about me? How did I get out?"<br />
I said, "you both were born through my vaginal canal."<br />
He simply answered, "that's awkward." <br />
We laughed and went on about the day.<br />
<br />
A few hours later, however, we had eaten lunch and were running errands around town.<br />
Lance had gotten separated from the boys and I but rounded the end of the isle, almost running into each other.<br />
Lance, being silly, said, "Whoa! Where did you two handsome boys come from?"<br />
Without a pause (or quietening his voice <i>at all)</i> B proudly says, "I came out of Holly Erwin's weenie!"<br />
<br />
And so the explaining continues....<br />
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-47786831069379059732016-06-26T11:54:00.000-07:002016-06-26T11:54:34.147-07:00Maternity pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Candi came out, and did what she does!<br />
I started to only post the clothed pictures here, careful not to offend anyone.<br />
But you know what... my boys see me naked daily. I am not going to offend them.<br />
We are kind of a naked family. Especially me and Beckham.<br />
And to really honest, I like my pregnant body.<br />
I am a size 2-4 in my normal life, which I can admit is not large.<br />
Maybe even considered small.<br />
However, despite how often me and the boys rock our God given skin, I don't look in the mirror and love my shape in my normal life.<br />
Most of my life it was built like a teenage boy.<br />
Long and lanky, no matter how you turned me around-- not a curve in site.<br />
Kids gave me boobs, and then breastfeeding took their shape.<br />
Kids gave me hips, but no rump to match them.<br />
However, it is when I am pregnant that I look in the mirror and love my body.<br />
Maybe because it still (even the third time around) amazes me that a human starts from 2 cells and quickly duplicates and grows into what we end up calling a child--right here inside my uterus.<br />
Or maybe because it amazes me that, even at 32, my skin still stretches and fills to round plumps of glowing skin that somehow look prettier and healthier than that of someone who technically is not a large or "plump" person otherwise.<br />
But whatever the reason, I want to remember it.<br />
(And lets be honest, you see worse in Walmart.)<br />
<br />
Like always, sweet Candi did her thing...<br />
I am excited to have her back out in a few weeks when we can capture the other loves-- including our little Knox who is just days from joining our pack!Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-15700645697508547042016-06-26T11:05:00.000-07:002016-06-26T11:05:45.507-07:00May<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
May went by so quick, to me.<br />
This whole pregnancy has flown, so I guess it wasn't any quicker than the rest-- but we had so much going on that it felt like it did.<br />
<br />
We started the month off with a shopping trip with my sister, mom and our kids. I NEVER go to the mall, anymore, which makes me laugh because there was a time that I went multiple times a month.<br />
Now, if I can't buy it online or at Marshall's, I don't need it!<br />
<br />
We got a sign on our land with big hopes to break ground but the pad came and then the processes took another halt due to massive rains.<br />
<br />
Mom and I went to a wedding shower for a sweet girl that I spent many years babysitting.<br />
<br />
We spent the weekend in Oklahoma for one of our best friend's wedding.<br />
Lance was a groomsman, and not only was it a gorgeous wedding, but it was a blast!<br />
My kids were one of just a couple of kids there, and they burned up the dance floor for hours.<br />
It wasn't until we were a state away that I realized that it wasn't really a bring-yo-kids event but Kaleb has been in their lives from the start and welcomed into his big day without a word of frustration.<br />
They ended up even playing a song just for them, and everyone circled around for them to sing and dance.<br />
I think they will remember it forever.<br />
<br />
Maddox ended his season in baseball after just one game into the playoffs.<br />
Lance is such a patient person, that sometimes I think he missed his calling not going into coaching.<br />
I think Maddox was only 4 when he started soccer.<br />
After his first or second game, he started waking Saturday mornings saying that his belly hurt.<br />
He would cry on the way to the games but would still insist on playing.<br />
Finally, he told Lance, "I just don't know that I can score 5 points every game and it makes me feel sick to go, knowing that I might not be able to this week."<br />
Lance got it.<br />
He told him that he could care less if Maddox never scored a point at any game he ever played.<br />
We pay our money for Maddox to learn sportsmanship, and accountability, and teamwork, and practice, and coachability, and pride for for something bigger than yourself. We didn't pay for him to be the best at anything. We pay for him to have fun and learn.<br />
That day was a game changer for Lance and Maddox, both.<br />
I personally don't think that Lance put pressure on him that season anyway, but we realized how much pressure Maddox puts on himself.<br />
And after every single season, we have parents tell Lance the same thing, "you're so patient". "You never get rattled". etc.... And baseball was no different.<br />
We didn't have the best team, but we had the sweetest group of boys-- the most encouraging coaches-- and even our older, more advanced kids were so poised and a great example for the younger ones to follow.<br />
We also had Gunner and Maddox on the same team, and it was fun to watch them grow together.<br />
<br />
School wrapped up pretty quickly.<br />
Field day was inside again this year-- rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain... you see it has set everything back!<br />
But Maddox is such a sweet guy to always include Beckham in his stuff, and thankfully the school doesn't balk at sending him in to the fun either.<br />
<br />
Maddox received his letter of acceptance into the gifted and talented program as well.<br />
I didn't know he was so worried about it until the day that we got the letter and he told us that he had been making himself sick, worrying he didn't pass.<br />
He is a bright kid, and was reading at a 5th grade level by the end of the year.<br />
I hate that he got that perfectionist gene from me-- but hopefully by the time he's 30 he will stop caring so much, like I did too!<br />
<br />
Beckham finished his year at daycare pretty similarly to the way we started.<br />
He made efforts to get it together, and often times he did-- but tears were usually a given for the first 10 minutes or so after drop off and breakfast was rarely eaten.<br />
His teachers were the best and I felt okay leaving him with them, despite his anxiety.<br />
We can only pray for a miracle this summer, but he locked up at church camp and only was able to stay 2 days (that I stayed also) so I am not putting too much weight into the hope for a tear-free kindergarten year.<br />
<br />
Our friends' deer are having babies-- and for the third year, we went out to see and hold the little loves.<br />
It is fun to look back at the years and see how the kids have grown. I hope Maddox and Brittan always have a sweet friendship together.<br />
<br />
School couldn't have ended soon enough.<br />
With a baby coming this summer, I was ready for summer.<br />
I certainly don't want to rush anything but in a dream world, I would live on too much land, with a big ass garden, a farm full of animals, and no schedule.<br />
Also, no job.<br />
But lots of money.<br />
(I said it was a dream)<br />
So, every summer, I have this wish for my kids to have a 70s summer.<br />
Tan skin, dirty feet, sticky hands-- and no structure.<br />
Unfortunately, this summer, I have a job outside of our home.<br />
So maternity leave has to get here before I can enjoy the days without an alarm clock.<br />
<br />
The boys are enjoying themselves, nonetheless-- however the countdown is on!<br />
<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-2104937947248593392016-06-25T19:43:00.001-07:002016-06-25T19:43:48.867-07:00April<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
In April, we closed on our home loan-- moved out of our rent house-- had a panic attack when we went to move into a new rent house without looking at it first and it smelled like cats, chemicals, and death. Moved in with my parents-- and experienced more rain than we have in years; keeping our house on the pace of a snail to get finished. <br />
April is the month of Beckham, my, and Lance's birthday. Five. Thirty-two. Thirty-five.<br />
Due to how hectic our lives were at that time, we did little to celebrate.<br />
Lance sent me flowers and the girls at work did too-- and Maddox earned his second polite panther for the school year that day also, which is always a treat for me!<br />
Maddox hit his first home run (I think he ended up with 3 by the end of the season) and Beckham had his gymnastic performance that was about the cutest thing I have ever seen.<br />
Beckham had his 5 year check up-- Knox had many too.<br />
Lances company sold out-- which changed many things including our amazing insurance, his schedule and his pay... but the job is still the same and we are thankful for him having a job that he loves.<br />
Living at mom's is cramped but it has been a trillion times better than any of us would have expected. No blood, no deaths, and that is more than I would have put my money on.<br />
My sister and Ed moved back from Wyoming and are living in the old farm house that we brought Beckham home to. It is nice having them here and my boys are in love with Ashton.<br />
We registered Beckham for kindergarten and though he says he is ready, I am preparing myself for the worst!<br />
We ended the month with a field trip to the Dallas Arboretum where I broke all the rules and brought B along, despite the letter telling me he couldn't come. ...to a public place ...that I could have taken him to any other random Tuesday.<br />
Mom win!<br />
<br />
<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-70214955895333924962016-06-25T16:30:00.002-07:002016-06-25T16:30:41.994-07:00March<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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March was busy. <br />
We got off the boat-- started baseball-- bowling with friends-- the park with our cousins-- went on a quick weekend getaway to Waco-- worked on our land-- went to the Ferguson Easter egg hunt-- and celebrated Easter at my parents. Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-55045810197844289982016-06-25T14:07:00.002-07:002016-06-25T14:07:22.274-07:00Becoming King in the Carribean<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
My sister's boyfriend proposed to her in December, and just 2 short months later, we were setting sail to the Caribbean to change her last name.</div>
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They have a little girl on the way exactly 6 weeks behind us, and so we started racking our brains to get things moving with the least amount of stress possible.</div>
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My parents ended up gifting all three of our families with a 5 day cruise to Cozumel and Progresso to wed the Kings!</div>
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I had been on a cruise once before and knew how fun they could be... </div>
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however I had never taken kids, sailed sober, or taken my husband who had zero interest in "being stuck on a boat", so I wasn't sure how it would go!</div>
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Friday, after work, my brother's family and mine headed to meet up with my parents and my sister's family in League City.</div>
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Both of my mom's sisters and their husbands met us there also-- as well as a group of my sister's friends from high school.</div>
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My sister was a gorgeous bride, and the ceremony was short and sweet.</div>
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Ed's family came onto the boat for the wedding and reception and were able to bring Ashton on to be a part too.</div>
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Though we were excited for Allison and Ed, we are more than blessed to add that little toot to our family! He is so loved!</div>
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The open bar was well used by all non-pregnant voyagers and the kids tore up the dance floor!</div>
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We ate until we were stuffed, and the kids swam every day. Cozumel was a n absolute blast and paddle boarding at 23 weeks pregnant wasn't as difficult as it sounded! Bingo, magic shows, dancing, comedy shows, Dr Suess' birthday party, and more ice-cream than they have had in their lives, kept the kids happy as clams!!</div>
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It was great to be with my family for a week and the kids had a blast.</div>
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The men (who were less than excited to be on a cruise) are already planning our next one!</div>
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Allison and I would like to trade places with some of the fun nights on the next one, tough. ;)</div>
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-46554972212341265372016-06-19T14:38:00.001-07:002016-06-19T14:38:40.838-07:00FATHER'S DAY 2016My husband deserves this day.<br />
He earned it.<br />
<br />
The first four years of parenting, we were eachothers' childcare.<br />
He worked days and I worked evenings.<br />
I don't know that it was the easiest for our marriage, passing each other with a kiss and a crying kid, but it was what seemed like the best decision for our kids... and our wallets.<br />
And it made him comfortable with all of the things that some dads aren't.<br />
<br />
I never had to worry about the boys.<br />
Lance could feed, burp, change diapers, calm, soothe, and clean up, just as good as I could.<br />
<br />
He logged an uncountable amount of hours in his recliner, putting babies to sleep on his chest. He wiped hineys, he cleaned vomit, and he shared his bed for years longer than seems rational.<br />
<br />
Lance has mostly been our voice of reason, although he has had his own irrational fears too.<br />
Like during the toddler years, when our kids start crawling out of their cribs-- and I'd find him on their floor, with a million pillows stacked around come morning.<br />
<br />
I knew Lance would be a great dad. But I didn't know it could be this good.<br />
<br />
He is the parent that I strive to be.<br />
Lance is patient.<br />
Lance is calm.<br />
Lance doesn't let much ruffle his feathers.<br />
<br />
He takes them where he goes.<br />
He lets them drive, when they can.<br />
He buys them icecream, even when they haven't eaten dinner.<br />
Together, they listen to music made decades before their time. Then they run it into the ground until they can all sing it word for word together.<br />
<br />
Lance lets them help him-- even when it means it will take double the time.<br />
He lets them gather sticks to make fires.<br />
He takes them into mud on the Ranger.<br />
He plays catch with them in the yard, after working 12 hours, without letting them know he's tired.<br />
He buys them toys, for no reason at all.<br />
He snuggles them up, like he has since the day that they were born, no matter how lanky and long their legs have grown.<br />
Lance rubs their backs, kisses their lips, wears out the 'I love yous', and tells them how proud they make him every single day.<br />
He prays with them.<br />
He prays for them.<br />
He lays with them on the nights they can't sleep.<br />
They have seen him cry.<br />
They have seen him mad.<br />
They make him laugh.<br />
And they undoubtedly know how special they are to him.<br />
<br />
They respect Lance.<br />
They mind him.<br />
And they fear discipline from him, though it is pretty rare.<br />
<br />
Lance has many faults-- I am not trying to make him a god--<br />
but he is more than I dreamt him to be as a father.<br />
And I am proud of him.<br />
<br />
Lance is the guy that gives money to the man carrying his resume around-- promising he is not like the rest.<br />
He bought baseball gear for a co-worker's kid once-- even though we were not in a financial place to do it. <br />
Just yesterday, he picked up a kid walking to work in 100 degree heat, even though he would have reamed my ass for doing the same.<br />
His heart is huge.<br />
But not many people ever see that side of him.<br />
<br />
I hope our boys turn into him.<br />
<br />
He shows them what it looks like to work hard-- 7 to 8 days in a row-- but still put us first.<br />
There was a time that he worked two jobs, and took the boys to the second when he could, just to get in that time together.<br />
<br />
He shows them how to love your spouse-- even when she's bat shit crazy, hormonal or unreasonable.<br />
He holds my hand and kisses my lips for them to see, so that they will love on theirs one day the same.<br />
<br />
He is solid gold.<br />
I mean it.<br />
<br />
Happy Father's Day Lance.<br />
Thanks for loving us the way you do.Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-3030497587115374112016-02-21T17:33:00.000-08:002016-02-21T18:21:08.553-08:00long overdueEvery time that I have an urge to update my blog, I realize that I need 6 days of uninterrupted typing-- which I don't have-- so I post the monthly batch of pictures and then toss the idea and continue to let this thing dwindle away.<br />
<br />
But there's been some things worth updating and so I am going to do my best to turn 6 months of life into a cliff note's version.<br />
<br />
I think the last that I wrote, Maddox was wrapping up kindergarten and Beckham was wrapping up his last year completely at home, with me. I was still working from home-- enjoying what was left of the best job that I have ever had... but all of that was close to changing. <br />
<br />
Maddox rocked kindergarten and we thank God for giving us Mrs T, as it was such a wonderful experience for all of us. Maddox's class was very close and full of sweet, helpful, kind kids. On the last day of school, a dad of a little boy came over and bent down to shake Maddox's hand. He told him that he appreciated the friendship and guidance that he showed his son that year. We invited that little boy to Maddox's birthday and the family, again, wrote Maddox the kindest card. I pray that Maddox always carries those traits with him and continues to be kind and helpful to everyone.<br />
<br />
The summer was quick. We lost my Meme this summer and dealing with her death was a bit of an internal battle for me. I felt more anger than grief for the most part as she battled addiction for the majority of my life. I watched my mom carry the weight of so much stress, and anger, and pity, and hurt, and sorrow. I remember crying to Lance saying that I felt robbed. The ugliness that is called addiction, can twist your heart and mind and pull you in different directions as you feel so many emotions at any given time. I wanted to be sad. But my sadness was mostly spent in tears for my mom-- which almost spun me right into that battle of being pissed. Like most things though, with time, I have traded the anger that I felt for other emotions. I am thankful for the innocence of being children. I cherish the weekends that I spent with her at her house as a kid-- the way she made my grilled cheeses with tomato soup in a way that no one else could. I am thankful that she was the type of grandma that let us stay any time we wanted, for the entire weekend, and let me load up in her camper trailer with nothing but the clothes on my back when I asked to go. I have a heart full of happiness, remembering my brother waking up early at her house, to cross the fence and hunt in the cold months, and I laugh that she somehow made me believe that dusting was fun! Every morning that I share a cup of coffee with my Beckham, made just the way my Meme made it for me-- I smile. I have to wonder if he too will not be able to pass the coffee in a grocery store without putting himself right back into that place with me-- just like it does to me, with her. <br />
<br />
The summer was also full of swimming lessons, baseball, camping, church camp, carnival rides, drag races, kidney stones, birthday parties, a trip to San Antonio with our cousins and me with my nose in the books any chance that I got.<br />
<br />
I took my lactation test in July and I can honestly say that I have never taken a more difficult test; nor have I ever walked away from something so unsure of the outcome.<br />
I was more than happy to find out (3 months later) that I passed.<br />
Becoming an IBCLC was the least of my hurdles, as months later, we are still trying to incorporate this into our practice in a way that is helpful to everyone.<br />
<br />
Just as the boys started school, I started back in the office for the first time in 7 years, working 3 days a week. Beckham started his first week of preschool, completely different than he did last year. He woke excited to go and ready to fill me in as soon as I picked him up. Quickly, that changed. I can assure you that it is no less difficult the second year than it was the first, although this time, removing him from the program wasn't an option. I went through a period of emotions, from "am I doing the right thing?" to being mad that my position changed and feeling like I was neglecting him, to being irritated with him that he can't get it together. At times, I wished he would be a fit thrower-- so that there'd be something to discipline but what I get from him consists of quiet tears and hiding his face. Initially, it was very hard on me. Honestly, some mornings I still cry. But the best thing for me was realizing that we were in great hands-- that they were not irritated by him (which is honestly what I worried about the most)-- and that this wasn't my story, it was Beckham's. We don't give much talk to it, I just expect tears 3 mornings a week. He takes his (stuffed) dog, Snowflake and she gives him some comfort. We do the best we can. I didn't create this. I can't fix it. But as I drive away each morning, I am 100% confident that Mrs Mindy is the best person for our B. She is a literal God-send. And together, we all pray that things will be better next year.<br />
<br />
The fall was full of a weekend get away to the Elk Ranch, football, planning our house with our architect, and two little ninjas come Halloween.<br />
The fall also brought an exciting surprise, wrapped up in the form of two pink lines.<br />
<br />
I keep track of my periods with an app in my phone and I am like clock work; 27-28 days. I had not paid much attention, but thought that I should probably be starting soon so I decided to open the thing up and much to my surprise, it said, "3 days late". I had a 88cent pregnancy test under my cabinet from God-knows-when and decided to use it, when I got home. It was negative. I tossed it in the trash, with no intention of telling Lance that I had even taken it. The next morning, I got up and my little test caught my eye-- there were two lines. I know the rule; Anything outside the time permitted for the test is false, but I was now 4 days late and it was enough to convince me to spend $5 at the Dollar General for another one! Although it too, was negative. We left for basketball practice and when we came home, there again were two lines. This time I told Lance. He wasn't convinced. They weren't bright enough for him, plus it took 2 hours to show up. So finally I splurged on a $15 digital one that neither of us had to hold into the light, or know braille, to figure out. Lance was at a basketball draft and he came through the door telling about which kids we had on our team-- who all was there-- what night we would have practices-- and I was just staring at him. He finally stopped and asked why I was looking at him, and I handed him the test. PREGNANT. And he was thrilled.<br />
<br />
We waited a few weeks to tell anyone. Christmas would have gotten us out of our first trimester to share our news but my sister's boyfriend had bought her a ring, with plans to propose this Christmas. So for that reason, Lance and I decided to spill the beans at Thanksgiving and not steal any of her thunder. Plus, the moment the boys found out that another baby was on the way, keeping it "secret" was less than an easy task!<br />
<br />
Winter brought basketball, which has been our favorite sport yet! We played with 5 other boys that were all sweet and kind and together they were an awesome group. Maddox averaged about 10 points each game and it has been the first sport that I was honestly sad to see ending.<br />
<br />
Beckham is still in gymnastics. He goes every Monday with his school. It is a selling point for us on Sunday nights, and sometimes a reason for less tears on Monday mornings.<br />
And sometimes its not.<br />
<br />
We also lost an angel this winter in the form or Marianne Pike.<br />
Many times though the years, she would write me after I wrote a blog and encourage me with her words or tell me how much my style of parenting reminded her of herself. Since I put her on such a pedestal-- those words meant more to me than the way she could turn a "pizza party" into a spread from Better Homes and Gardens, the paintings that she had made for my walls, or the way she made all kids who entered her house feel magical... mine included. <br />
She is greatly missed.<br />
<br />
Lance and I, along with my brother and a group of a few other awesome women hosted a benefit for her and another loved woman of our community who is also battling cancer. People came and loved and honored them through washers, food, beer, and prizes ...and though we had dreams of raising 10K to split between these families-- we more than doubled our goals. It was definitely a testament to the impact these women have and had on the people here... and also something to be said about small towns and close-net communities. <br />
<br />
February 1, we went for our halfway sonogram.<br />
I was pretty much convinced that it was another boy.<br />
Lance couldn't give you a good gut feeling but could give you equal the number of reasons why he wanted a girl vs why he wanted a boy.<br />
B knew it was a boy. He had multiple dreams about a baby in a blue blanket and though he had a girl named picked out, just in case (Tic), he didn't need some sonographer to give him the word. He already knew.<br />
M, on the other hand, had his money on a girl.<br />
As a family we decided, (mainly that we didn't want to read "dang. another boy?!" or "you'll just have to keep trying for that girl" or "team pink" or my favorite, "why are you even going to see... you know it'll be another boy") that it didn't matter to us. We were not finding out.<br />
Seconds into the sonogram, however, he showed us his glory!<br />
She moved the gadget away quickly, but just as I said, "saw it", while Lance was saying the same.<br />
We told her that it was fine to share the news and she spent an enormous time with the boys, looking over our little lamb, including them in the entire process.<br />
I spent an hour that night crying to Candace. Less because I didn't want another boy but more because I felt like I had failed in some way. I don't know how she became that person for me. But honestly, if my house were on fire and there was someone at the door, willing to come in and drag me out, it would be her. Consistency, comfort, and non-judgmental love. That's always been her place for me.<br />
Those tears lasted a week or longer after finding out that Beckham was a boy, so I had no idea how long it would take me to feel happy.<br />
Oddly, (and maybe miraculously) it came quick-- and by the next morning, I was excited.<br />
Daily, God shows me why I am suppose to raise boys. And I honestly know my purpose here.<br />
It doesn't feel like nudges-- but actual neon signs with flashing lights. And I feel capable of fulfillment for his plan. I am also honored to live in a house where I am so well loved and adored. I am happy to keep that trend going.<br />
<br />
The boys are ecstatic about our baby boy as well. Especially Beckham. He pauses commercials about babies for us to see... he kisses my belly a million times a day, and he can't wait to be the big bother that Maddox is to him.<br />
Now that this little love-bucket is moving and kicking, the excitement has even gotten stronger. <br />
He has a name, but I want it in stone before I share it.<br />
Or just ask my kids. They hold no secrets back!<br />
<br />
My little sister gets married next weekend in Galveston and we get to celebrate on a big boat for a week with our family. We also have plans to go camping this spring break, just like the last.<br />
The Zika virus is a big issue right now, with warnings for pregnant women in the areas. We have spent over $100 with multiple different avenues of protection, just in case, but the more I research-- the less worried I am in that regard. We are excited for March's festivities! <br />
<br />
First grade is flying by and there is not a single thing I can do to slow down the clock. Maddox is reading on a 4.9 level and acing every subject. The best part about it, though, is Maddox has no idea he's so dang smart. His teacher was saying that he finds things before she does and talks in ways that aren't typical for his age... but he tells us how many AR points so-and-so has, what math letter that so-and-so-else has made it to, and how smart the other kids are in his class. He's such a cheerleader for his friends and I hope he stays that way too. If I had to choose just one word to describe him, I'd choose JOY. And over and over, I am told the same thing by people that meet him.<br />
<br />
Beckham's teacher's claim that he is kindergarten ready too... although I have doubts. The child is very bright. I do not doubt that. He can build and create things that Maddox could have never dreamt of doing at his age. He knows his letters, colors, numbers, shapes and can sound out very basic words... but he can only write the letter B when he writes his name. He has no intentions of impressing anyone-- nor will he push himself, if it isn't in his plan. Today he might read you the entire Bob book and tomorrow he may say, "no thanks" when you ask him to do it again. Socially, I pray that he has one of the 3 kids that he knows and has befriended in his class next year, or we might be dipped in kindergarten tears too.<br />
Honestly there isn't just one word to describe B. Lance said independent. But seeing that the kid would happily crawl right back into my uterus if it were an option, I had to disagree. Then he said stubborn, which is fair-- except it has the connotation of difficult, but he's the easiest kid of ever. He is complex. Easy. Reserved. Anxious. Smart. Observant. Funny. Loving. I could keep going. <br />
<br />
One reason that writing this blog became difficult for me is because I knew people were reading.<br />
I like to write the truth, and in the younger years of parenting, the truth often looks like unwashed hair and tears. I also want to write my heart. And my heart often spills out the things that only a momma can feel for her own. Love, excitement, praise, and so on. The problem in that, lies the readers. Too many hard days have people wondering if you can do it-- or reminding you that it could always be worse... and too much glitter leaves you open to critique.<br />
I honestly feel like I have grown in many ways over the years, and I have let go of a lot of the stress that occurs when you let others row your boat. One reason is because my kids are over that hump, and the days are typically easier than difficult. Around the age of 4, I think, you kind of start to get each other. They can follow simple tasks, like "put your plate in the sink" and "take your toys to the playroom". They can bathe themselves, and clothe themselves, and even pack their own lunch (if you're willing to fill your fridge with pre- packaged crap like I am)<br />
But also because you finally start getting back some of that, that you have put in.<br />
Recently, Lance and I argued in front of the kids. Somehow over the last few years, Lance and I stopped having fights. (probably another perk to sleeping more, and not feeling like you are everyone's everything, at every minute of the day) Don't get me wrong, we bicker and will have disagreements but nothing lasts more than a few minutes. This day (Valentine's Day) it lasted all day. I had my feelings hurt, and bit at Lance all day before he finally said, "you're acting like a baby".<br />
You would have thought that he beat me with a broom and cursed me like a dog, when it came to the boys. Beckham bowed up, willing to fight. "DO NOT EVER CALL MY MOMMY A BABY! She is the best momma in the world and she is NOT a baby!" (that's a trait that I adore about him, but makes him difficult to parent. He will stand against the grain, accept his punishment, just to address his point. As long as his moral compass is right, I have a hard time correcting it. Lance, on the other hand, sees it as as defiance and they often will butt heads. He *might* have snatched that straight from my DNA, so who am I to say it is wrong.) Maddox started to cry and flood me full of praises, telling me exactly why I am the greatest mom alive.<br />
That night, when Lance and I were <strike>rehashing it all</strike> working it all out, he said, "it must feel good to know that you can be completely wrong and they both have your back. They had no problem selling me out at all when it came to seeing you upset."<br />
And that's the first time I confidently knew.<br />
I will never have it all right. Any of it. Life itself is complex and full of curves and just as something seems easy, there's a boulder in the road to get around.<br />
But I have put blood, sweat, tears and countless midnight hours of prayer into this job and I am finally able to see my reapings of that I (we) have sowed. <br />
Yet we are starting over?!<br />
<br />
So the tears restart.<br />
Not because I am scared to have dirty hair, or not sleep, or fight with my husband again.<br />
but because each time we became pregnant, I had an instant, yet different, love for my boys.<br />
<br />
With Maddox, I was scared.<br />
I cried almost daily throughout my pregnancy because I loved him so much and I was so afraid of losing him.<br />
As soon as he was born, it became worse.<br />
Now I was almost solely responsible to keeping him alive and yet there were a million factors that could stand in my way since he wasn't stored within my uterus anymore as guard. I was winging each moment, at best. Lance would beg me to sleep but I feared that closing my eyes would take his last breath, so I stared... into his bassinet... like I had a purpose.<br />
That child slept like a lamb from day one, and met every milestone early, almost as if to reassure me that we were doing okay.<br />
He still does that.<br />
He is easy, and respectful, and loving and never struggles at anything.<br />
He meets me with a smile every time we look at each other, and even though I know his daddy is his best friend, he would never admit that in fear of hurting my feelings. His heart is so forgiving and understanding, and joyful-- which is how he has been since the moment he took his first breath.<br />
<br />
Beckham was different.<br />
I think I knew he was my middle child from the word go, so maybe that's our bond... but I have written before that his soul and mine knew each other long before our eyes met. He didn't sleep but yet I didn't mind it. I was far less anxious with him and he would stare into my eyes in such an intimate way when I talked to him as if he understood me. He could find a comfort in my smell that no one else could bring him, and he has always needed me. His laughter didn't fall from his mouth like Maddox's did, his words didn't come till later than other kids, he didn't care to bond with many people aside from us. But he was easy. Quiet, observant, and born with a magnet somewhere deep inside his soul, that keeps his close to mine, no matter where we are. He is literally part of me. And I don't know how to articulate that in any logical way. <br />
<br />
And now we have three!<br />
<br />
Like I said previously, it didn't take me long to happily accept him into our crew. Unlike my previous pregnancies, though, I have not had much anxiety or tears. My body knows what it is doing and I certainly can't give it any further direction. I feel like Maddox has been such an effective captain on the big-brother-ship and Beckham will fill the shoes just fine, that I only have excitement when thinking about THREE shirtless boys, covered in dirt, sliding down their zipline or shooting BB guns into the creek. The kicks don't get old and and there's an even bigger joy in getting to share the movement with his brothers. Lance is what he has always been: helpful, loving, patient and steadfast.<br />
But my immediate feeling that I have had for baby is one of protection.<br />
Which is almost hard to write. <br />
Like a momma boar, I am quick to charge this pregnancy. It is not butterflies and rainbows like the last two, but shanks and arrows and little questions asked. <br />
Not a tear I shed over him having a penis had to do with my feelings for him, but actually for the way that I felt like everyone else received the news of him being a him.<br />
With balls flying, and toy helicopters constantly flying, and boys jumping, I feel like I am in constant "guard-mode" in regards to this little honey.<br />
And oddly it translates over to the biggest issue on my heart, at the time being.<br />
<br />
After our sonogram, 3 weeks ago, we loaded the crew back into a room so that Dr Deem could come in and discuss the films. It was pleasant chaos, since the boys were excited and thrilled to be a part.<br />
She flipped through each of the pictures pointing out that he feet were not clubbed and his skull was developing properly and his size was at 51% and he measured perfect for his dates...<br />
She then casually asked, "did she talk to you about his heart?" We said no and she said, "okay. Well we are going to bring you back in a few more weeks when he is closer to a pound to get a better look at it." She didn't display any worry and I guess I chose to mirror her response because, unlike my typical self, we left without any further questions. The next day, however, I let it take me over. Amanda encouraged me to call the office which is definitely a classic Holly-move, but I chose not to. The honest truth is that I can not change it. And three weeks is a long time to worry over something that you have no control over. My friend Jenna sent me a note that said, "Your job is simply to be obedient to God, God will handle everything else." So we have.<br />
Until 4:00am this morning when I shot out of bed in such a mess that took hours to get a handle of.<br />
My unconscious prayers aren't even of "fix it" like one should expect, but more, help me accept it ...or understand it, or protect him or something similar... and yet I don't know if it is even anything at all.<br />
My conscious mind (and husband) are reminding me that worry doesn't solve anything-- and everything will be alright. <br />
So that's my fight.<br />
Protection.<br />
I want to protect him.<br />
I don't want to be coddled.<br />
Amanda tells me that I am difficult to love sometimes because when things get hard, I want to retreat. I don't want sweet words... I don't want sappy eyes... I want answers. Black and white. And to be left alone.<br />
<br />
And completely different, yet adding to my stress-- is my brother's job.<br />
There are literally less than a handful of people I would take a bullet for. And to be honest, the only ones on my list that didn't fall from my body, would take it for me, before I even tried to offer myself up.<br />
Weeder is on that short list.<br />
We carry our worries very similarly, and since Lance and I have gone through a layoff (twice) I know that this is the worst part.<br />
Waiting.<br />
The end result is that we all survive.<br />
It is rough and it is rocky and sometimes lonely and feels endless... <br />
But blessings come from places that you never knew to look.<br />
Bubba Richey didn't know my husband from the man in the moon, but he reached out his hand to Lance and gave him a lift when we needed it. And now he is one of Lance's best friends.<br />
And someone whom I will forever adore. <br />
We learned to be frugal.<br />
We learned to have fun without going places.<br />
Honestly, life became simpler.<br />
But just like I am sick waiting for Thursday, I know he won't sleep tonight waiting for tomorrow and I will worry about him until I hear news, one way or the other.<br />
And he's not alone.<br />
A lot of our friends are employed through his company and no one is safe.<br />
Morning can't get here soon enough.<br />
For many.<br />
<br />
And Thursday can't get here soon enough,<br />
for me.<br />
<br />
However if everything falls beautifully, for all of us,<br />
then there is a celebration to be had in the Caribbean next weekend!<br />
<br />
Toss some prayers our way, if you've got them. <br />
<br />
And sorry for the novel. <br />
Although I am thrilled to be caught up!Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-29545065205952977532016-02-11T12:47:00.000-08:002016-02-11T12:47:10.385-08:00January<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-31497105425875245272016-01-07T08:51:00.001-08:002016-01-07T08:51:51.920-08:00December <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-28440029350704897842016-01-07T08:15:00.001-08:002016-01-07T08:15:45.925-08:00November<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-71193778801317625072015-11-01T18:52:00.001-08:002015-11-01T19:07:27.447-08:00October<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-33125608697618941292015-10-01T10:14:00.000-07:002015-10-01T10:14:18.094-07:00September<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-72273784520316313102015-10-01T08:22:00.001-07:002015-10-01T08:22:08.214-07:00August<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-17097521732240441342015-07-28T21:12:00.001-07:002015-07-28T21:12:22.814-07:00since then<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-26141857732943307462015-07-28T21:12:00.000-07:002015-07-28T21:12:13.324-07:00Camping in Glenrose<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-78923381319114723812015-07-28T21:11:00.003-07:002015-07-28T21:11:57.927-07:00May till camping<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span id="goog_720558616"></span><span id="goog_720558617"></span><br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-55936677481222802302015-05-12T21:18:00.001-07:002015-05-12T21:37:08.344-07:00April-MayMore pictures.<br />
Like lots and lots of pictures. <br />
And bragging.<br />
Lots of that too.<br />
<i>Because basically that's my job.</i><br />
And because this blog is kind of like a can of sweetened condensed milk.<br />
All the goods, crammed into a can-- I'd eat it with a spoon, but it might sick you out.<br />
To each their own.<br />
I'm not a good blogger.<br />
Just a documenting-for-later-er. <br />
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Maddox had a dance-a-thon at school and that evening got to run out at the Varsity baseball game for being a "polite panther". They announced his name, gave him a hotdog, and all autographed a ball. He is all about some baseball right now so he was stoked!<br />
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The majority of our baseball games have been rained out, but it has been a lot of fun seeing the boys play!<br />
Gunner swings that bat so hard and fast, that I predict him being a great hitter one day... Maddox was complimented by the other coach in our last game for how accurate and far he can throw... <i> And Beckham got caught sneaking his juice box onto the field, tucked into the mit of his glove.</i><br />
He'll get there.<br />
For now, he runs to third, and has to be redirected to first!<br />
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That (and when Maddox slides for no reason) are actually my favorite parts of the game though. :) <br />
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<br />
Beckham beats to his own drum.<br />
And I love it!<br />
I adore him!<br />
<br />
I could only laugh the other day when my time hop reminded me that Maddox knew his letters by 2 and Beckham only recently mastered them all, just weeks before he turned four. The odd part about it, however, is that Beckham is already starting to form words with these letters and is interested to know how everything is spelled. Exactly where Maddox was at four.<br />
But it came in his time. Not rushed.<br />
<br />
Beckham is stubborn, yet easy. Quiet, for the most part-- and especially around strangers-- but so silly and full of joy. He doesn't comprehend the word hurry and is never in a rush. He's easy to please and very low maintenance. He's a thinker and watcher and steers clear of the spotlight. He loves his brother and can play independently for hours. He's quirky and hysterical and really smart-- but has no interest in showing that off. Everything Beckham does is in his own time and on his own watch. He mostly just goes with the flow but is not a people pleaser at all. <br />
<br />
Like his daddy, he doesn't stand against much-- but when he does, he will not back down, regardless of the consequence that he knows he will undoubtedly face. He's so stubborn and rarely cries-- and when he does, he'd rather you not see him.<br />
<br />
He loves me constantly and effortlessly, and does not hesitate to tell me how important I am to him, over and over-- all day long. Beckham is such a blessing to me and I can not even put into words how much I have enjoyed this year at home with him. I have said since the day he was born that I think he is my soul mate... and I still believe that. My heart literally flutters for this child.<br />
<br />
It is hard for me to comprehend how fast these years are rolling by, but in a blink, my baby turned four.<br />
<br />
His party was suppose to be on our land, complete with a real campfire, but we were rained out of that idea and moved it inside.<br />
He still had a great party and I think it all turned out perfectly cute!<br />
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<br />
I planned his birthday party on my actual birthday, so I slid away for lunch before the party, with my sister. (mostly because I was frustrated at Lance)<br />
Then Lance, the kids, and I went to Joe T Garcias on Sunday to celebrate as well.<br />
They bought me flowers and a fitbit, which I love--<br />
<i>mostly because I get to track my sleep</i>. ;), and partly because I hope it will motivate me to move my body!<br />
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My kids are enjoying the warmer weather, and being able to play outside-- but this rain-- and honestly the time change-- are killing us most nights.<br />
I am already feeling like I need to put together a strict schedule to survive the summer.<br />
<br />
I love structure. <br />
But that's not what summer is about... I know. I know.<br />
(<i>I'm still going to try, if only to make myself study an hour a day... they'll live. Promise.</i>)<br />
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I was given my test date for my IBLCE this July, but will not get back my results until October! (which is so odd in a days of computerized testing) So I have two full months to study.</div>
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I neglected my class-work until the last minute, however, and then paid for it with a week of crash studying-reading- working on assignments, neglecting play-time with my tiny, before my prep-course. </div>
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Like any guilt stricken mother, we ran to the Lego store and smooshed 600,000 Lego packages until we found the much sought after hotdog Lego mini-figure, and $3 later-- I forgave myself. </div>
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The class was incredible!</div>
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I was anxious to leave because it put me away from my kids longer than I ever had been-- it put me in a hotel room for three nights by myself-- it put a lot of responsibility on my mom and sister-- and it had me away from Lance for his birthday for the first time in 14 years.</div>
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But, like most things tend to do, it all worked out.</div>
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I threw together a cake for Lance and we celebrated early.</div>
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I tucked the kids in Tuesday evening, and left once they were bathed, packed, prayed with, and cozy in bed. </div>
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I learned so so much, and was thankful that I was able to go. I drove an hour and a half to meet Lance for dinner on his actual birthday. And the kids didn't even miss me, they had so much fun at mom's. (and apparently liked that she got Maddox to school early!) I was **so thankful** for all of the support-- I could not have done it without them all! (mom especially)</div>
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I passed the class and it has a money-back guarantee, but hopefully I will pass my boards this summer and it will not matter! </div>
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Though my fitbit claimed that I had restful sleep while I was gone, nothing felt as good as waking up Saturday morning in my own bed! (without a 5:45 alarm!)<br />
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We hit the ground running with a surprise party, fight night, and then work for me that Sunday. <br />
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I think I am still trying to catch up!<br />
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I don't know how Lance does it, since he sleeps that schedule every night?!<br />
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Honestly, he is such a great man and even though he can aggravate me to no end, I am so blessed to have him as the example for our boys and also to know that they will be just as loved an taken care of under his watch, just as my own.<br />
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Seriously, the man works two jobs, and still doesn't go a day without playing a game of basketball or catch with the boys in the yard. He mows, coaches baseball, helps out everyone who calls for a hand, and helps me clear the table after dinner, each night.<br />
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Recently, Lance has started paying Maddox $5 every time he helps him feed and he takes his job very seriously! Lance says that he really is worth every penny, opening and closing gates for him-- but his hustle and attitude are what really makes him proud.<br />
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Maddox asked Lance yesterday if we could invite his teacher out to the pens to see the baby deer-- but also so that she can see that he works just as hard at his "job" as he does at his school.<br />
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Lance doesn't even realize that he's passed that to him. But I can assure you his wife will appreciate it one day, as I do.<br />
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The most exciting part is that Lance earned a big promotion and raise and will go to one job in the next couple of weeks! I know he is excited to be home by 4:00-- and he deserves it-- although he honestly loves feeding!<br />
We will be forever thankful to Bubba for throwing us a life-line when our forever plan fell apart! He too, holds a special place in my heart! And always will.<br />
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April and May have been the craziest months.<br />
My planner is full and I feel like I can barely keep up!<br />
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Three out of four of our birthdays, field trips, play days, Mother's Day, Easter, <br />
and Nurse's week and teacher appreciation, both fall at the same time too.<br />
The doctors blessed us each with a gift card but I did not even think to get his school nurse anything!! :/<br />
We did order Maddox's teachers cookies and owe them more than all of the sugar LC Sweets has up her sleeve.<br />
I know I have written it again and again, but Maddox's first year of school has been nothing short of incredible. He is so bright and loves to learn and I am so grateful that he loves getting up and going every day.<br />
We wish that we could take the same teacher and same class mates and move them all together to first grade. <br />
Mrs Tittor has been a blessing to us all!<br />
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His school does a lot of things that parents are invited to, and I enjoyed going to them this year. I selfishly hate that there are so many, looking forward to the years ahead for us, since I will be working in the office 3 days a week and will miss a lot.<br />
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He won a limo trip to Cicis pizza for his fund-raiser! (I am not sure that we were invited but we went for pics!) They rode a party bus there and a limo back.<br />
He said the party bus was more fun with lights, good music, and a tree in the middle! (they decorated the 'pole' in the middle like a palm tree, lol!) and he said he fell asleep on the limo riding back!<br />
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Beckham tried hard to ride with Maddox... and tried to pretend like his feelings weren't hurt when he couldn't.<br />
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Instead he and I joined them for pizza, and then slid over to Walmart for his own treat! <br />
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Beckham has matured so much since the beginning of this year, and I honestly think he is finally ready for the MDO program next year.<br />
I hate to leave him... but am excited to see him grow.<br />
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We had a mother's day lunch at my aunt Penny's on Saturday, followed by our friend Bubba's 30th party. Kristin put on a great party, and we had a blast!<br />
She hired a band called The Mullet Boyz and they were so much fun! <br />
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A guy that I had not seen since HS and his wife stayed at our house to keep from driving another hour, and we stayed up until 3:00 chatting with them! <br />
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My dad and Julie kept the kids for us after Aunt Penny's and we picked them up that morning to meet my mom for a Mother's Day lunch.<br />
I was on call, but the patients were kind to me.<br />
We were under a tornado warning driving home, but escaped any real danger there as well.<br />
We stopped off on our way home to let the boys see the lake that was just a pasture, days before...<br />
and then we went out to our land to see where the water was running for our future building site.<br />
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The gully, which is usually just a 20 foot deep, dry ally, that tunnels along the perimeter of our property, was now a roaring rapid, ending in a beautiful waterfall!<br />
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The boys gifted me a gift card and sweet handmade treats!<br />
My favorite part of it all, though, is the far right of the card where Maddox wrote the lyrics to 'My Son' by Brandon Rhyder. His teacher said he worked on it for two days.<br />
His time was well received!<br />
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That being said, I can not believe the end of his year is so near.<br />
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Each night that we talk, I see them both maturing and growing.<br />
And they make me proud.<br />
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I want this summer to drag in slow motion as will will have major changes come September, and change and I typically don't fluidly mix. <br />
I am sure I'll change my tune a few weeks in when the walls are closing in on us and the nostalgia of summer starts to fade.<br />
But for now, I just want to hit pause.<br />
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Yesterday a lady that works the lunchroom stopped me to tell me how polite and well behaved Maddox is and I thought I couldn't be more proud...<br />
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But today he told me that he "stood up for God" when a little girl told him that she doesn't believe in God, and told her that God loves her and without him, none of us would be here.<br />
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That's when I realized I was wrong.<br />
I actually could be more proud.<br />
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He's a good one.<br />
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I am surely blessed!Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-63333675127778279852015-04-07T18:35:00.002-07:002015-04-07T18:35:45.437-07:00all of the pictures...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Nana bought us tickets to see Steel Magnolias at Casa Mañana. Due to the ice and snow, we moved our tickets to March. We had a big group, made up of my cousins, aunt, step-mom, and Nana's friends. The show was great and Julie and I laughed so hard the entire show. (not necessarily at the the show). Nana had us a back stage hookup after the show to meet the cast.<br />
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Tball has started in Paradise. Maddox, Beckham and Gunner are all on the same team and we are having a great time watching them play!</div>
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Maddox had a field trip to the Fort Worth zoo! The weather was perfect and we snuck out with Aunt Randi and Gunner for lunch and to help Gunner pick out his new glasses!<br />
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Our first game of the season was cancelled due to rain, but they did not cancel pictures.</div>
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I can not get enough of these three in their little uniforms!</div>
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The boys love to help Lance feed.<br />
Honestly they just love Lance.<br />
He is such a great daddy.<br />
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The boys wake up in the mornings asking if we have practice, excited to go.<br />
I have been so surprised at how well B is trying.<br />
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We had another fun run and I found this selfie on my phone that night. </div>
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Maddox looks like a baby here, to me.</div>
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Sleeping pictures are my favorite.</div>
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Usually they are tied up like a couple of worms, but this night had Lance and I giggling.</div>
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Good weather means baseball-- </div>
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also more nights feeding with Lance.</div>
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It also means spring shopping for momma.</div>
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And horse rides at Chaney's!</div>
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Aunt Randi gave them haircuts,</div>
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but B doesn't like the product.</div>
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B does like imaginex these days.</div>
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I am assuming it is what the girl moms feel like when their girls play house.</div>
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It is lots of little houses-- </div>
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and super-heroes instead.</div>
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Maddox was the groom in his class' Q and U wedding.</div>
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His friend Abby was the bride.</div>
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I could just eat them up...</div>
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and that little usher named Gunner too!</div>
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After the wedding, they had their class Easter egg hunt and then we checked the kids out early and took them to see Home in 3D.</div>
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We can be pretty cool like that!</div>
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Saturday, the boys had another ball game and once again, our whole family came to cheer them on!<br />
Afterward, we went to our friend's (Clint and Brandy) annual Easter egg hunt.<br />
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Maddox caught 6 fish, but was outdone by our friend Mark and Wendy's little girl with a whopping 7!<br />
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I caught one by accident while holding Beckham's pole for him-- and luckily Brandy took it off the hook for me!<br />
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B wasn't patient enough to ever catch one, but he had fun trying!<br />
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I worked Sunday morning in the office and then we went to mom's that afternoon.</div>
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The kids hunted eggs with their cousins and ate their yearly limit of candy!!</div>
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Lance scored tickets from our friend Bubba to the TCU vs. DBU tonight and I wasn't able to get off of call to join them.</div>
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I'd like to say that Beckham and I are having some good bonding time, but in reality--</div>
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I'm blogging and he's watching the iPad.</div>
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Videos of other kids playing with toys, to be more exact...</div>
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and strange!</div>
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And I think that's it.<br />
All of the nine million pictures!Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-60345780735111114212015-03-24T10:00:00.000-07:002015-03-24T11:45:12.373-07:00Dear MaddoxDear Maddox,<br />
<br />
Sometimes when I think about your tiny years, I cry.<br />
Partially because I miss you.<br />
Those years flew by.<br />
Partially because I expected too much and looked forward to your 'next' rather than living in your nows.<br />
You were new and exciting and always ahead of the curve. It was easy to do. <br />
Partially because I shared your time with the needs of a newborn.<br />
I was tired. I expected too much. You somehow obliged.<br />
And partially because I was young and cared what everyone thought or expected from us. (you and I, that team we had formed)<br />
<br />
I don't think I did a bad job, as your momma, thus far--<br />
Joy seeps from your pores and you glow wherever you go.<br />
Almost daily I am complemented on the boy that you are and constantly I feel pride in the fact that I cultured that. <br />
But I know it is my words and actions, as your mother, that will stay with you through the years to come and I do wish there were a few days I could delete.<br />
<br />
Probably the one that I beat myself up over the most came before you were even two. <br />
My
friend Kimberly and I had signed you and Cambrie up for swim lessons and yall hated it.<br />
The
difference between Kimberly and I, is that she disciplined like the Super Nanny saying things like, "you're being naughty" in a soft and
sweet voice, and I said things like, "knock it off!" through a glare that
could shatter glass. You cried-- loudly-- the entire
time-- and fought to get out of the water like a cat; while everyone
watched.<br />
Cambrie also panicked-- crying, but much quieter-- while
sinking her teeth into Kimberly's shoulder over and over... but no one
but she and I had any idea.<br />
My shoulder was spared the trauma but my ego was destroyed.<br />
<br />
I
remember going to Michael's afterward and you both not wanting to sit
in the buggies-- Kimberly quietly obliged and sat her to the ground--
while I fought you through tears. I thought I would win. I had to win. I needed to show you at 23 months that I was the one in control.<br />
Although the word control was opposite of what I was. <br />
Embarrassed and enraged, I finally took you to the restroom and spanked you-- while passionately telling you just how terrible you were.<br />
Those feelings are more than I can handle to relive now-- as I can still see the look of fear in your tiny face. You were just a baby. And I have never hated myself more.<br />
<br />
I used that day to be better; to never get to that place again.<br />
I only shared it with a few friends that I knew loved me and wouldn't judge me-- and your dad, who has always credited me more than I have deserved. <br />
Unfortunately, I have also used it to beat myself up over the years. <br />
<br />
Today, I feel the need to apologize to you Maddox because you were my learning curve.<br />
I rode you when we went to Gigi's. It never failed that you let her dog out or left your food in a place that she could
eat until she vomited, spilled a drink on her floor or teetee'd in her bed when we stayed the night.<br />
I gave you anxiety when we grocery shopped because people were watching me and expecting perfection. And when you were unable to give me that, we left. Mad.<br />
I wanted you to use your manners. I wanted you to impress the people around us. --I felt that was a direct reflection of me.<br />
I was a ball of anxiety, and I let you share it with me.<br />
There came to a point where the only time I was 100% comfortable and happy was when we were home-- when the walls were down and the eyes were off of us, and no one had their score card out waiting for us to fail.<br />
<br />
I can read back through this blog and know that many of my thoughts of sadness are just mirages.<br />
I loved you before I met you, became obsessed with you after your first breath, and have enjoyed your journey more than I can put into words.<br />
I just wish it hadn't taken Kindergarten to show me how tiny you are, and how fast these days are fleeting.<br />
I wish I had let you throw more fits, and make more messes, and push more boundaries.<br />
I wish I had hindsight, then, and would have loved our bad days as well as our goods.<br />
I wish I would have known that a bad day as a toddler was not going to mean a bad week, year, or life-- and a failed dinner at Chilis didn't mean you were going to grow up and be a serial killer. <br />
<br />
I said many times that I "didn't care for three" when you were there, but the truth is, I was wrong.<br />
I love three. Adore it, actually.<br />
Unfortunately I had to share your year of three with Beckham's first year of life and one day you will know just how much work that first year entails.<br />
I was a 3 hour milk machine, diaper changer and non-sleeper. I was emotional and tired and always chasing my tail.<br />
You were beginning to find your own, as that what three is all about.<br />
Three is persistent, and busy, and ornery, and head strong, and assertive. Three is about pressing the boundaries.<br />
I wish I had known it was normal then. <br />
I wish I had let you be.<br />
<br />
Maddox Payne, you are an incredible little human. I adore the air you breath and each step you take.<br />
You are so positive, joyful, and full of life. You are sensitive, and thoughtful and such a caretaker. You love to laugh and cuddle and be a friend. <br />
I would not change a single thing about you.<br />
And although you are just a tiny guy, I already feel like you will be an incredible adult... an amazing dad... and an outstanding husband.<br />
And I know you will always be my friend. <br />
<br />
Thank you for being my guinea pig. Thank you for letting me mess up. Thank you for trying so hard. Thank you for loving me back. <br />
<br />
My very favorite part of my morning each day, is watching the way you <i>skip </i>into school, with a smile plastered from ear to ear.<br />
My
very favorite part of my afternoon is watching you and your brother reunite
like you haven't seen each other in years. Beckham adores you with
unconditional love, and I know you feel the same for him.<br />
<br />
Thank you for showing me that I shouldn't control everything--<br />
Not color-coding my closet has cut my laundry time in half...<br />
and your mismatched pajamas and character tshirts sure make you happy.<br />
<br />
Last night I was looking through old pictures and crying like a crazy person, so I crawled into your bed and rubbed your little face and told you all these things myself.<br />
You told me this morning that God spoke to you last night and asked me if that was weird.<br />
It wasn't weird, tiny boy. It was just what your momma needed.<br />
<br />
You have always, and will always, be exactly what I need.<br />
<br />
All of my love-- <br />
Forever and always,<br />
Mommy.Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-41335372052330124082015-03-16T11:16:00.002-07:002015-03-16T11:24:35.569-07:00Spring Break 2015We celebrated our first 'real' Spring Break this year. <br />
<br />
Beckham and I decided to break Maddox out of school early on Friday for a late lunch/ early dinner at pho noodles, then ice-cream.<br />
They stayed with my step-mom while Lance and I worked on Saturday morning and had a birthday party the next day.<br />
We spent Monday and Tuesday playing games around here and packing for our first trip in our camper.<br />
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I pulled the camper to Boyd on Tuesday night for a test run and so that Lance could give me pointers.... but Wednesday morning, I pulled this bad-boy to Glenrose-- all by myself.<br />
<br />
I was following mom... who had my kids with her--<br />
and we walkie-talkied to each other,<br />
but I was pretty proud of myself, seeing that my resume for pulling things is almost obsolete.<br />
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The first evening consisted mostly of un-hooking, setting up our camp and playing with the boys at the park before I went on call.<br />
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The next day, we ate at a cute little restaurant in town.<br />
The boys wanted to sit on the porch and the owner brought them sidewalk chalk to color.<br />
<br />
We left there and headed to Fossil Rim Wildlife Park.<br />
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It was incredibly busy, and they re-routed us around the giraffes so we didn't get to see any of them.<br />
The park is mostly full of different breeds of deer and I think they were all full, as most stayed back!<br />
<br />
A couple of deer looking things did eat out of out hands, so I think the boys liked it--<br />
But four hours, a quarter tank of gas, $100, and two boys tired of being cooped in a car later...<br />
I don't foresee us ever going back.<br />
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Lance came in that night, and once call died down, we went to a late dinner at Babe's.<br />
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Day three was spent at Big Rocks.<br />
The park was walking distance from our RV park and free to enter.<br />
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Maddox thinks he's American Ninja Warrior material and had the time of his life jumping, climbing, and scaling rocks.<br />
Beckham did his best to keep up!<br />
Mom came out for a bit and then she went shopping around town...<br />
And we got our feet wet in the dam before walking down to the snow-cone stand for dessert.<br />
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David made it in that evening and we finally grilled hamburgers, true camping style.<br />
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The boys crashed hard that night and even slept past 8:00 the next morning.<br />
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Day four started by supervising Pop making breakfast burritos and eating the bacon before it could be crumbled into the eggs!<br />
They played more whiffle ball at the park with some kids they met there, before heading to the state park.<br />
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We were not prepared for the hiking that Dinosaur Valley entailed, but had a blast making do!<br />
The boys loved scaling walls and climbing rocks and taking their shoes off to run through the river.<br />
Maddox could spot the tracks before we could and Beckham loved the big dinosaur statues at the end. We will definitely go back in the right shoes with a lunch packed in the future, and will spend a whole day doing more trails!<br />
It was a lot of fun.<br />
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More basketball, more baseball, naps, a weird camper neighbor man, grilled pork chops and a late night game of Mexican Train Dominoes finished off our Saturday.<br />
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<br />
Day five was for packing, cleaning, hooking up and heading out.<br />
We stopped off at an urgent care in Weatherford for Lance and made it home around 2:00.<br />
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It was a great time and hopefully a memorable Spring Break for the boys!<br />
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We already can't wait to go camping again!Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-82973832816353190262015-03-02T16:29:00.000-08:002015-03-02T16:34:21.574-08:00More snow pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I love summer.<br />
But I love our few days of snow that we get each year too.<br />
We play, make a fire, over-eat, eat some more, and usually end up playing dominoes or cards.<br />
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Before we know it, everything melts, and it is summer again.<br />
Sometimes that all happens in the same week!<br />
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And that is a Texas winter in a nutshell!Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-20386871112346210382015-02-27T14:27:00.000-08:002015-02-27T14:48:08.677-08:00Spring Break before Spring Break<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I was spoiled with a girls' night, a date night, and then almost a full week at home due to weather!</div>
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Monday and Tuesday were cancelled due to ice, and I was able to finish my school.</div>
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I crammed a 6 month program into 2 months, so I was happy to be done.</div>
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We had a late start Wednesday.</div>
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And B and I met Lance for lunch to celebrate my first day free.</div>
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Maddox went back to school on Thursday for a normal, full day.</div>
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And to my surprise, we got another call this morning, cancelled again.</div>
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This time there was no ice.</div>
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It was real live snow.</div>
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Lots and lots of snow!</div>
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Our spring break before spring break!</div>
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And so much fun!</div>
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<br />Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5821703962726700908.post-66381337317769304242015-02-15T20:37:00.002-08:002015-02-15T20:37:37.496-08:00February<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Already February! </div>
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This year is flying by!!</div>
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<br />
Our school didn't celebrate the 100th day of school like others did, we celebrated the 101st day-- and the entire elementary school dressed up as Dalmatians!<br />
They were a cute bunch!<br />
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<br />
We pulled the kids out a little early one day to visit the stockshow.<br />
It was our first year to not have an entire day to play there, but it was a fun time!<br />
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<br />
I had a GNO with two of my best friends from highschool.<br />
The man in front of us was stood up by his date and asked to sit with us.<br />
We talked too much -- we basically gave him all but our social security numbers-- and left there realizing that we knew NOTHING about him. Not even his name.<br />
We spent a few days googling every detail we knew about him and I think I found him on Eharmony. Except I am not a member of Eharmony, so it was really just a tease.<br />
Mandy wanted to go to the police department after she realized she told him where she lived and worked-- but I talked her out of it.<br />
He was a nice guy... even paid for our dinner...<br />
but we do kind of wonder if there ever was ever a date to begin with?<br />
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My allergies have been out of control.<br />
These beautiful days in the winter make me miserable.<br />
I sacrifice for time with my loves but I always spend the next day regretting it.<br />
They love playing basketball and Maddox might be a little athlete one day.<br />
<br />
Speaking of, Maddox and Beckham are signed up for tball for the spring.<br />
Together.<br />
We decided not to move Maddox up since it will probably be the only year that they get to play together for a few years.<br />
And we are fine letting it be for fun rather than blood just yet.<br />
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I guess I can also announce that my brother's family is officially coming home, so Gunner will play on the same team and we are SO excited to have them back!<br />
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<br />
My big time is still having issues with growing up.<br />
He cries 2 or 3 times a week, worrying about being big...<br />
Worrying about losing me...<br />
Or worrying about Beckham growing up.<br />
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His heart is as precious as gold.<br />
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My tiny doesn't worry about much, it seems.<br />
He is carefree and sometimes careless.<br />
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...but I love that about him.<br />
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And maybe I should worry about more....<br />
<br />
I joke with Maddox's teacher that I am not the kinder mom that I thought I would be.<br />
We roll in about 7:59 most mornings.<br />
My kids are fed and dressed with brushed teeth, fixed hair, and most mornings-- a lunch made.<br />
but I can't same the same for myself.<br />
<br />
I pull notes out of his folder as I am sending him to class and count on other moms' text messages to remind me about early dismissals and other jazz.<br />
<br />
I remembered Maddox's valentines, the night before at about 7:00...<br />
And they weren't Pinterest perfect.<br />
As a matter of fact, they were written in sloppy handwriting between calls with patients-- after firing Maddox because he took too long.<br />
<br />
I am not near as good as I thought as would be.<br />
<br />
But he's excelling.<br />
And loves school.<br />
Has an incredible teacher...<br />
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And I am doing the best I can.<br />
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<br />
I love Valentine's Day and always have.<br />
I was spoiled by Lance and the boys and they were showered with fun stuff from Nana, Allison, my dad and Julie, Aunt Jenn, and my mom.<br />
(I think it might be a favorite of there's too)<br />
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Maddox had his first dance on Friday.<br />
They're so innocent, and dancing is more about running around and sliding on their knees-- but they had fun.<br />
They danced and played and little Beckham loved it too.<br />
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We spent Valentine's Day as a family, enjoying the 80 degree weather.<br />
We visited the food park for dessert, then PF Changs for late lunch-- early dinner, walked around down town, splashed in the fountains, made our way to Dick's for Beckham a glove, and had icecream before we went home.<br />
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I just loved it.<br />
Probably my favorite Valentine's Day yet.<br />
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Today I have spent behind my computer taking call.<br />
We went to feed with Lance, and they spent a couple of hours playing PIG.<br />
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Tomorrow we are anticipating a freeze-- and as much as I hate cold weather-- I am welcoming it with open arms...<br />
as long as it promises to cure my allergies.<br />
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I am in the final stretch of my classes, and I welcome the end of that as well.<br />
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February is flying by.Hollyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01806111444795138169noreply@blogger.com0