This past week has been un-freak'n real! Not to throw a pity party—but here's your invite! I warn you… Debby Downer is in the house!
Part one of my piss-poor week:
I was severely depressed at the beginning of the week. One, because I was still pregnant and two, because everyone I talked to acted as if I was PAST my due date AND still pregnant. But at this point, I still had a week left of growing a full term healthy boy so why was everyone acting as if I sucked? "You are STILL pregnant"… and the answer was "Yes, I am. I am STILL pregnant—And I am not even due yet." What makes it crazy is that I have loved being pregnant. But when everyone you talk to puts the negative connotation on the fact that you are still with-child it tends to get old and depressing.
This depression was only increased when I developed pain like I have never experienced before from my bottom! It hurt to walk, it hurt to lie down and it definitely hurt to sit. So I stayed in bed for two days straight and cried. I felt like Macy Dog was a kid off of the show Intervention or something, "my mom just lays in bed all day and cries while my dad does all of the house work." Things got somewhat better when Dr. Deem called me in some prescriptions to help me out. I say "somewhat" only because I had the breakdown of the year in Wal-Mart. I had got myself together enough to get ready and sit on my bleeding butt for the 15 minute drive to pick up the prescriptions. I get there, waddle to the pharmacy in obvious pain and of course they can't find it. I am then beyond humiliated when I had to tell a boy younger than I was what the medication was used for in front of 4 other customers! I buried my head in Lance's chest and sobbed out loud! I hit rock bottom. My husband told the boy I needed it for my "rear-end" and he gave us the damn medicine. Thankfully, it helped a lot!
As I have said before, I know a ridiculous number of pregnant girls… or at least I used to. That is until half of them had their babies last week! Also as I have said before, I am a worry-wart when it comes to my baby. I need things to go by the book… Maddox, on the other hand, does not seem to be a by the book baby!
My cousin, Dallas, FINALLY had her baby. (Almost 2 weeks past her due date) Her doctor would not induce her, well, he tried Cervadil once and was going to have her come back and try it AGAIN but her water finally broke on its own. He told her that Pitocin could rupture her placenta with her first baby and he wouldn't do it. So now I am thinking… Oh, Lord have mercy— HE IS LATE-- Run some Pit for Heaven's sake. The possibility of death during child birth HAS to be higher than an exploding uterus—since about 80% of women are induced these days. And now I sound like the crazy horse in the family because they all worry about the effects of Pitocin on your body while I am wondering if I can get some at the local feed store and get a bag dripping at home! I want him here, and I'm okay chancing the explosion!!!
And on the other side of that: One of the girls that I work with was not due for a month after me and had her baby last week. Every time she would have an appointment it was almost like a competition to let me know where her progression of pregnancy lay against mine. I would think—I guess it is just the difference of me being a nurse because I would be worried if I was already having these symptoms. But no one seemed to be worried about a premature baby, just more worried that A. someone may not have told me yet, so they TOO should call and let me know and B. that I was STILL pregnant?!
And this process repeated itself again and again last week when four girls that I know had their babies and only ONE was due before me!
I didn't feel like talking on the phone at all. So I didn't. That ended up turning me into witch of the year. No one can think of it as… she probably doesn't feel like talking. Instead, once I finally answer those who won't give up and yet won't call my husband who WILL answer his phone, I get, "well I'm glad you answered" (to reiterate how rude I am) and then "anything yet?" (like we have a baby conspiracy going on THEY haven't been told) and of course, "you know to call me if something happens" (because they haven't told us time and time again) …And the cake topper—my dad, who hasn't called me but 2 times my ENTIRE pregnancy (one of which was on my birthday- so we can call that one a wash) called my brother after I didn't answer to say that he has called me multiple times and guesses that "I am just mad at them"—no, I am not mad. And no—this is NOT about you, it is me who is STILL pregnant, remember?! And I simply do not want to talk on the phone.
Our LAST appointment! Last week Dr. Deem said we came "leaps and bounds" and she didn't expect to see us for our Thursday appointment the following week. This week, at our Thursday appointment, we had to discuss induction because we had NO CHANGE AT ALL in seven days. What sucks the most about that is I have had quite a bit of pains—and even some bleeding but obviously nothing my body is doing is productive. And to suck things up a little more, my baby was approximately 8 pounds a week ago and we have to give him another week to come on his own—at ½-1 oz weight gain for14 days, he is liable to get oftly large! I mean, there is a possibility that I am going to deliver a mini-horse! Once Dr. Deem left our room I stayed in our exam room crying while Lance held me, once again, and assured me it was going to be okay. At least we have an end date- No later than Thursday we will have our boy!
Lance and I talked after leaving our appointment. I am not going to say I didn't still do some crying but we decided to have a new outlook on things. We decided that we would enjoy this just-me-and-him time to the most until Maddox comes. I am off work. Lance works from home. We get to laugh all day while he is being paid. I get to be with my best friend during the most crazy/ exciting/ scary/ overwhelming/ emotional/ amazing time of our lives and we know that no one else in this world is as pumped as we are right now. We decided to go to dinner and talk. And be happy. And be positive.
Part 6 doesn't seem so piss-poor, huh? Sorry to deceive you!
We made it home around 10:30.. to find my 3 pound yorkie that I love ridiculously, fat as a tick. I also found Lance's king size Hershey bar wrapper ripped to shreds! Apparently there is a chemical in chocolate that can kill a dog if too much gets into their digestive tract, and the risk is greater the smaller they are. Yay! So my good spirits were killed rather quickly when I had to induce vomiting so that Macy wouldn't die. She threw up over and over again… I had no idea she could hold that much chocolate! Lance, again, held both of us as she felt like poo and I cried unable to watch her feel like poo!
Fourth of July came… and Fourth of July went. My brother came out with his family. My parents came out also. Even Zack stopped by for a few hours to hang out. We made some snack food, we went and watched a firework show but Maddox missed out on all of it. He would rather hang out in my belly.
Lance and my step dad play golf on Sundays. Since we aren't showing any signs of labor, this Sunday was no exception. My mom and I decided to go to the pool and lay out in stead of hanging out here in our house. I thought the worse that could happen is that I would get dehydrated and need IV fluids run. And how bad is that? Just piggy back some Pitocin into the mix and we'll get this show on the road! I did not get dehydrated but I did, however get embarrassed! Let me give you some insight on my swimsuit situation: I didn't see any point in spending $75 on a maternity swimsuit that I would wear for a month, especially when I am probably going to have to spend $100 on a one- piece after he is born until things get back in shape. So I let my belly hang out! And my boobs for that matter! My mom and I didn't decide to even go to the pool until I had just taken a shower so I had no make up on and my hair was wadded in a wet bun beneath a baseball hat! I looked hot! Typically, I could care less who thinks it is a little trashy but typically I don't lay out next to Lance's ex girlfriend all day! I hope to God she didn't recognize me, (it was 6 years ago) but I did her so I am sure things were mutual. Stab me with an ice pick and tell your friends Lance married a skank! Wait, let me add the fact that I was reading "Chicken Soup for the New Mom's soul" and had tears rolling out the sides of my sunglasses—just to reiterate how pathetic I must have looked!
Here we are now, entering a new week. Despite my week of crap, I am excited to spend my last week with my husband alone! This week is going to be good! Next week… when I am sleep deprived, with a sore cha- cha, ta-tas and a crying baby, things may be back on the down hill slide. But for now, I am going to approach things with an up beat spirit. And worse case scenario: I am going to kiss the face of the most handsome boy in the world in just THREE days!
PS. Lance and I bought a brand new Tahoe Saturday! We sold my Honda and were right side up enough to pay off my credit card debt! So yay… we are more debt free as of today and I officially drive a mommy car!