Tuesday, April 3, 2012

When it rains, it pours...

We had family pictures Saturday.

Remember the ones that I bought our outfits for, weeks ago?

Maddox the striped sweater to wear over his plaid shirt-- sleeves rolled up and paired with shorts.
Beckham in shorts and a plaid shirt. (tying in with Maddox's attire)
Me, a striped shirt (but thicker stripes than Maddox), paired with a navy blazer and white shorts.
Lance a pair or Navy shorts with a white polo.  (an outfit  he already had)

I threw my white shorts onto the counter to iron, completely unaware of the pizza grease from Maddox's uneaten pizza from the night before, and had to quickly reassess my closet for a new outfit.  A completely different outfit.

Maddox-- is right in between little boys (size 4-5) and big boys (5 or XS) and I went with the big boys department this time.  I didn't do a trial run on our outfits before the pictures, so minutes before walking out the door, I realized he looked drenched in his plaid and stripes but I was too late to do much about it.  Not to mention it was 800 degrees Saturday and he looked like he was dressed for a dog sled race.

Lance wanted to wear khaki shorts instead of navy, so he changed his outfit up too-- but it still worked.

Beckham's fit.  It looked great.  I was thankful.

Getting out to get our pictures was equally as trying.
I made a "quick" stop for 5 balloons at a grocery store.
I am pretty sure the girl blowing them up for me, passed out twice.
It was the strangest thing.
It literally took her 30 minutes to blow up 5 balloons (I had ordered 6 but stopped her at 5) and she talked like a tortoise and kept licking her lips and spacing out.
Lance ended up coming in the store to check on me because he was sure I had been killed, waiting that long!

Out to mom's we got started.
Lance was driving me crazy, trying to be funny and never being in the spot he was needed.  (I may have divorced him,  Twice.)
Maddox wouldn't smile, kept complaining that he was thirsty and wanted to rest.
Beckham would look anywhere but at the camera.
And I forgot 1/2 the ideas I had been so excited to snap.

Candi assured me she got some great shots and we called it a day.

Headed to finally eat lunch, Maddox started telling us his head hurt, his neck hurt and he was soooo thirsty.
By the time we were at the restaurant (aka: gas station that makes killer street tacos) he had hit his typical 106 fever.

We stopped for Motrin and loaded him with cool fluids but the thermometer stopped giving us a number reading and just 'hi'.  He was so listless, lethargic, and had Lance a nervous wreck.

Snuggled up on the couch, we were done for Saturday.

Sunday, Maddox seemed worlds better.
Which was good... because I had to go grocery shopping and I owed my husband an apology for my stupid April fools prank.
So off to Irving we went to surprise him with a lunch date--
and then groceries.
On a Sunday.
With 2 ill kids.

By that evening Beckham was following Maddox's lead and running 103 and constantly whining.
And I was over the day.

I made grilled chicken and pineapple over rice and almost burned the bird.
As I watched Lance use the side of his mouth to tear through the jerky we were calling chicken... post me cooking with both boys beneath my feet, Lance not helping me when I asked, and diving into his own plate before making the boys theirs... I broke down.
Took it to the bathroom to cry.
And cry.
And cry.
I knew I was being super-sensitive, but I couldn't stop it.

While the tears were flowing, I decided to toss it all in the tear basket.
Am I a good mom?
A good wife?
A good friend?
I should do more...
Where do I start?

You know the days...

Lance did help me clean the kitchen and we watched a little tv together.
The day seemed to be getting better.

But at 3:00 I woke up out of maternal instinct to check on Beckham.
He was on fire so I redosed him and moved him into my bed.
No more restful sleeping on my watch.
8:00am came quickly, and Lance awoke me with a phone call.
My credit card (which is actually his card that I just have a card to but we never use) had been stolen and about $1000 worth of techy-nerd stuff had been purchased in Connecticut.

$400 of that at Game Stop.
Which reminds me...
there is a pin on Pinterest that says something to the effect, "if he will pause his video game to text you back, marry him."
Every time I see it, I have an urge to write... "if he is still playing video games... he's not ready for marriage.  Let him grow up a little."
But I don't.
Sorry if you have pinned that...  but you should know that's what I am thinking!

Somewhere in this conversation, Lance tells me that he needs Beckham's social for our insurance and I told him we never got a card for him.
He asks what I did for our taxes then....
and as if I have seen the light, it hit me that I never let the tax man on the secret that we are now a family of 4.
My $250 has been cashed in payment...
We were e-filed on Saturday.
But no Beckham on the records.
And now we have to file an amendment.
And I am sure that is going to cost me too.

I also realized, some time in this madness, that we were now in April.
My nursing license expired 4/12 and I can't work a minute after it expires.
It takes about a week to process... so panic sets in as I realized that I may be unlicensed and unable to work this week.

However, I couldn't look into it because our electricity was out for 2 hours and therefore my computer was no help to look it up.
(the computer that just got back from the fix-it place, costing me almost $300, fixing both of our un-usable, virus laden laptops.)

So I inhaled... put Beckham down for a nap... left to front door open... and Maddox and I went outside.
For me to read...
For him to play.

But our neighbor-boy and Maddox couldn't get it right.

He's a year and a 1/2 older than Maddox and he picks at him...
And Maddox whines.

About 1 1/2 hours was my max limit of hearing about how Maddox's bike isn't fast enough... we have too many weeds and he won't be his friend... he pushed him... kicked him... or says he is a baby.

That's what kids do... I wasn't mad at the neighbor boy, but I am frustrated with myself because Maddox has never been in school so he is honestly hurt by any criticism.  And he whines... and he tattles...
And we all know how annoying that is.

So add it to my list of crap to accomplish... I am going to enroll him in MDO-- not for learning... for for social skills and hopefully to toughen his skin a little.

The electricity came back on...
I got ready for work...
Lance made it home...
And we only saw 3 patients last night, so I felt slightly rewarded.

Until I was driving home and Lance told me that Maddox kept asking if he could go back and play with the neighbor.
And when Lance told him no, because they had enough of each other today, he asked if he could play in our backyard.
30 minutes later, Lance found him sitting against our fence with his ear pressed tightly, listening to all of the other neighborhood kids playing in the yard next door.

It hurt Lance's feelings for him.
And if you couldn't guess...
I cried.

And made a mental list of all I could do to be better.

Because that's what I do...
I snowball in anxiety.

So... I called my mom.
On her vacation...
And she helped me a little.
And we laughed.
And I started feeling better.

As I walked into the door... 6 pages already on my pager, needing call backs....
I head my Nana's voice, "just do the best with what you've got."

And I did.

Today I have a better attitude.
Which makes all of the difference in the world.

My kids are well... or at least almost well.
Candi sent me a couple of pictures, and they are as cute as can be.
I found out that my nursing license doesn't expire until the 30th.
They refunded our $1000 on our credit card.
The amendment is being filed to include B on our taxes...
and we will finally have health insurance with Lance's new job.

I am hoping that I can get Beckham's invitations done and sent out this week...
even though I still have no idea what we are doing or where we are doing it at?!

So there is no reason to hang my head anymore, it is minor in the big scale of life.

I hope that I don't come across as a whiner...
but then again, I am Maddox's mom.
And he is kind of known for it right now!!

I certainly don't need any "bless your hearts"... or "I'm sorrys"...
It's life.
Honesty has always been a downfall of mine, and though I love to document our best-of-days, life isn't always rainbows and butterflies.

Yesterday I kept telling myself, "choose to be happy Holly."... "be joyful" ... but it was so hard.
And then Candace sent me a text that made me laugh.
out loud...

I am blessed...
Even as it pours.


  1. I am constantly struggling with my fear. I have to stop and make myself let go and remember that I'm not promised tomorrow and to treasure each moment. I love that you always get through the "messy" parts and love your boys to the n"th" degree.

  2. I will always tell you that I absolutely love your honesty Holly.
    The more honest posts I read from you, the more I like you because you are REAL.
    I'm glad things are looking up now. It always is small in the grand scheme of things, but when it all rains down at once it never feels very good!

    ps- Hannah always gets those real high fevers when she gets sick too and it freaks the heck out of me. ibu does help them though, but man is that no fun. glad your boys are better now.

    cheers to a new day. and a good mood. :)

  3. good luck to you and maddox on MDO! it breaks my heart to think about sending wyatt somewhere even if its only for a couple hours or for his own good. honestly if i have to hear one more time from someone "he needs his social time" im pretty sure i will rip their head off, seriously! it makes me rebell. anyways back to you... i hope it goes well for both of yall :) oh and i got the cannon rebel t3 and im in love, thanks! leslee

    1. BELIEVE ME... I know the comments you are talking about!! (I think if you search through my blogs, you will find some old ones ranting about the same thing!) I have had **real** fears since Maddox was born about him being in the care of someone other than myself. And still, almost 4 years later, he hasn't stayed over night from me just a handful of times-- and there are few people on the list that I trust to leave them with at all!
      Until now, I haven't felt it necessary-- since he has always been above average in the learning department and said things like, "he'll have the rest of his life to be in school"... but now that we are closer to real school, I am scared that he will be the whiney kid that no one wants to be friends with if we don't show him that the world isn't always in love with him like we are?!?!
      Even at church, they always say how well he minds and CLEANS... and that kind of makes me feel sad-- he neds to rebel a little... play rowdy... get hurt, I guess...
      But we will see. We are going to tour the school in a few hours and now Lance is the one dragging his feet!! He is afraid Beckham will be sad without Maddox around!!
      (I'm a little nervous about the new expense, honestly.... but I know he will enjoy it!)

      Yay about your camera... although I am still clueless as to how to use it-- it is an expense that I have NEVER regretted!

    2. sooo.. how did the the tour go? did you sign him up?? the comment you made about lance being a little hesitant made me laugh, i think sometimes our husbands take for granted us moms that are the main caregivers during the day you know?! they never have to worry if their babies are being well cared for or missing little details about what went on during the day. if that day comes for us i will need to be heavily medicated, HA! as for the camera i hear ya, if i would just take the time to read the instructions i would probably love it even more. hope the tour went well and maddox makes lots of friends :)

  4. You already know I love your honesty Holly! Even when it pours...I can tell in your writing that you get over things quickly and can see things in a new light. I did find some humor in your post over your family pictures...and the fact that you forgot to tell your tax man about your new addition! I sure hope we get to see those family pictures! We have never had a family picture taken...how sad is that?!

  5. Hi Holly! I just saw your comment on my blog about Stephen. Thank you, THANK YOU for your thoughts and prayers! Can you please email me at nataliebrimhall@gmail.com? I'd love to get in touch with you! :) Thank you SO much!


  6. It does seem like when it rains it pours. There are times when I say, why why why? Things just seem to build and build. I hope today is much better! I know what you mean about school. We put Boyd in MDO when he was 19 months old b/c I was losing my mind. Then, I had this panic a year later, and took him out. I realized that these days will pass, and even on the hard ones, I wanted him with me for as long as I could. I won't have as much control once he starts kindergarten, so I decided to milk it for all it's worth. I do have him in a Pre-K starting this fall, just because he is at the point where he longs for interaction with other kids. I love when people DON'T give me unsolicited advice. ha. Know what I mean. I think we all know our kids best and we do what is best for them. Some need preschool, some don't, some of us mommies want our babies a little longer. Sorry for the rant, I'm just very passionate about moms doing what is best for their kids, and I think you've got it nailed! :) Loved your post, even though you have had some rough stuff. xoxo.