Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Let's agree to disagree

It seems like every day someone has re-posted a blog or article telling us that we are doing everything all wrong.

Not long ago, there was a article bashing the "pinterest mom".  I'll be honest, I didn't read the entire thing but it was basically saying that Pinterest has turned every mom into a competition to be better than the next and the normal snacks turn into works of art which makes the not-so-crafty moms feel inadequate.

Then there's the one about the mom on the Iphone.
How she is ruining her child's life.
And never paying attention.

There's 57 thousand articles on breastfeeding, foods, organic vs non-organic, BPA, saying yes more than no, playing more, creating a smarter child, milestones and bedtime business....
Non secular music, the perks of homeschooling, yes vs no to vaccines, sweets/ dyes/ gluten/ processed foods.
Having too many kids...  having only one.
Putting too much responsibility on our kids... and not putting enough.
Daycare, "me-time" and letting kids play with fake guns are all topics I have seen lately.

Daily, almost, I have a conversation with a friend where we confess how we are failing-- in one way or another at this parenting gig.
And if you look around, there is an article from the way we wipe our kids' butts to the way we brush their teeth that nails our theories down.

Every one has an opinion... and if you aren't doing it their way...
you're wrong.

well, here's my rebuttal:
I know some mom's that eat, sleep, and breathe craft.  And they did long before Pinterest was even around.  I also know mom's who couldn't be crafty if their last breath depended on it.
I find myself somewhere in the middle.
I spend a lot of night-time hours cruising through pinterest... and yet I took {already made} rice crispy treats and Cheez- its as Maddox's snack last week.  --both still in the box.
My friend Ashley will probably bring an entire icecream truck, that shoots glitter from the exhaust pipe and sings Carly Ray Jepson as it pulls away.
And I am cool with that.
I'm not mad that she's craftier than me.  I love that about her!
We need all kids of people to make this place we live in.

As far as the iphone one.
Bluack.
There's no way I would have 17,000 pictures on this blog without it-- and I will go toe to toe with the author of that thing proving I am just the mom she is.
I liked this blog's response, and since it was better than what I wrote, read it here!

I tell my kids no.  A lot.
It is something I would like to be better at, but life is full of nos.
And I am okay if that they learn that lesson from me.
I, personally, think I would be setting my kids up for failure if they went through life thinking it was full of yeses.
Because it is not.
If you, however, have read the pin with alternate ways to say no and have put it into practice in your home-- kudos to you.
I think you're doing a great job.
But so am I.

My kids sword fight...  all day long.
They have play guns.
My best friend tried to keep them out of her house and her little boy would just make the sounds with a pencil.
Boys are bred to play rough and fight and make that "pceelw" sound, because Beckham said it before he said momma!
I am not breeding robbers here... just boys.

We also own guns.  A lot of them.
But they are locked up.
And we talk gun safety...
And in our house we feel like we are doing okay.
And are safe.
You may not... and we both can be good moms.

I wish I fed my kids better.
And I honestly do, feed them better than most...
When I can.
But I was raised on ground beef, canned vegetables, and tuna casserole and I am still "underweight" for my height.
I don't eat ground meat as an adult and I buy my veggies frozen (mainly because its cheaper), but I find it too expensive to get much quirkier than that.
Occasionally I buy organic, when it is on sale... and I do feel better about our meat when it came from our Town & Country Food order... but I am just one girl, trying to stay home and live on a budget.
I can't win them all.
Those who can... or find it to be their passion...
Awesome!
Those like me, who are more intrigued by the knock off chickfila nugget recipes than boiled chicken and kale, you're okay too!
We are all doing the best we can.

My friend Kimberly calmly tells her kids that they are acting naughty.
I yell.
I hate that about myself, but if you know me in real life I am not quiet.
Kimberly is.
I think she is a great mom...
but so am I.


I am all for homeschooling-- if it fits you.  Private, public, and everything in between is great too.
I don't do daycare for my kids, but I think those who do are doing a great job too!

I split my kids vaccines up... and honestly understand where both sides of the immunization mommas lie.
But sometimes I think we just have to agree to disagree and move forward.

Same with breastfeeding.

I know what is best for my child (which happened to include nursing them to they were almost 18 months) and I assume you know what's best for yours.
So why do women feel the need to knock each other down every day.

Why do I never read a blog that simply says, "you're enough."
Because we are.

At least the moms I know are!

Seriously,
Unless you leave your kids at home to go bar hop on meth...
I think you're alright.


You know, when I think about it... the qualities about myself that I would be proud for my kids to mirror don't come from 'yes' situations or my mom sitting around thinking of the best way to parent us... and they certainly have nothing to do with our tupperware!
I know for a fact that she didn't read blogs or seek the advice; she just did what she knew how to do and hoped for the best!

We didn't have a lot of money...
And we didn't need for anything either.
My mom had 3 warm meals on the table for us every day.  Our clothes were not only clean, but ironed every day and our house was clean and inviting.
But we didn't just "ask for 20 bucks", because they didn't have it to give!
My brother and I both worked long before we were even old enough to drive.  We both had savings accounts before we had cars.
We both worked at the same jobs for years.
We were spanked.  We were in daycare.  We ate half of our meals fried.  We drank more sweet tea than water.
And I am sure there are plenty of things my mom would do differently, if she could.
Wouldn't we all?
But at the end of the day, we turned out all right-- and that speaks volumes.

No one is perfect.
We all judge.
(guarantee that I have judged some of you for the same things I am griping about above)
But for the love of all great things...
enough with the 'I am better than you' re-posts.
We should try harder to build our co-mommas up...
because we all tear ourselves down enough!

At the end of the day, there are 100 ways to bake a cake.
And I like cake.


***
So while I am pissing people off
(I just had a "un-follow" by a friend this week for something I said a few weeks ago)
I wanted to tie in an unrelated, but kind of similar post...
because its my blog-- and my thoughts. (and it gets blog 2 and 3 out of my posts folder...the 4th final one is the birthday blog-- which I have already gotten 9 back to!!  whoop! whoop!)

It boggles me that gay marriage isn't legal already.
I truly think that one day my kids are going to be sitting in Amy Lou's history class and will read about this segregation just as we did for racial segregation and their minds will be blown that it was even this big of a deal.

I am all for the rights of everyone.  (including unborn babies-- another post, another day)
But I have a way of putting myself in other people shoes and I get emotional to think about my child being denied equal rights.  Every gay person is someone's child.
And that's where I find my reasoning.
I feel that I can believe in the Bible's definition of marriage and still think it should be legal.
Just as divorce is legal, but unbiblical.

I can also eat chickfila and support that guy who spoke up about his beliefs.
Because he was asked.
And he stayed true to himself.

Which is where I am tying it in...
We don't all have to agree on everything.
Or do everything the same.

And we can still get along.
sheesh!

Sometimes we just agree to disagree.

Rick Warren said:
"Our culture has accepted two huge lies.  The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them.  The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything the believe or do.  Both are nonsense."

Isn't that the truth?

10 comments:

  1. Christinne StewartMarch 27, 2013 at 7:19 PM

    Holly like I said you should write a book.There are times in life that we should all agree to disagree.And everything you wrote you made great points about!Do not ever doubt on the mom thing or the crafty thing because I believe you are an excellent mommy and I think you are totally crafty.Thanks for sharing this.It is GREAT food for thought and makes me as a Mom think "STOP STRESSING,Christinne you are doing the best you can."And everyone has an opinion and that is okay!Take Care,Holly <3

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  2. Oh I SO LOVE this post Holly!!

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  3. Very well said! I do like the meth reference though..lol... you're too funny!

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  4. I probably have never been more proud of you. My sweet baby girl, it's like you climbed into my head and read every wrinkle there. I have never understood why we have to tear each other down to make ourselves feel better. It's in complete contrast to how I was brought up. I remember one of the earliest teachings in Sunday School, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Boy, have a bunch of people forgotten that 'Golden Rule'.

    We all have inbred talent that won't let us rest until we cultivate it. I don't consider myself to have much talent but there are certain things that bug me until I try to create them. I use to think if I took oil painting lessons, I would be able to paint like Norman Rockwell. Well, those lesson taught me one thing, I can't paint, but I can create. I can't cook, I can't dance, I can't sing, but I love to praise others than can. To me, it's the next best thing. I love to tell someone that I have a friend or neighbor or aquiantance who can do this or that, it just makes me feel good to be a part of their world. And when they do well, I always think, that is one person I don't have to worry about. And I do worry about other people.

    I do wish I had been a better mom. I'm sure my mom thought the same thing, but one thing I do know, she did the very best she was capable of doing...and I did too. Heck, I wish I was a better mom now and a better grand mother and a better great grand mother but we weren't born knowing how to do these things. Life is an ongoing lesson and I'm a slow learner.

    Growing up we didn't have everything we wanted but we did have everything we needed, and at the end of the day, we knew we were loved. We never went to bed hungry or feeling unloved. I just wish every child in the world could say that.
    I wish every child in the world had a mommie like Lynn Holly Erwin.

    All the issues we see people fighting about on the news drives me crazy. Gay marriage, abortion and gun control. It all depends on their politics and what will get the most votes. Just as we are born with inbred talent, we are born knowing right from wrong and making it legal doesn't change that. You have to decide what is right for you and what you can live with. In twenty years no one will understand what the big deal over gay marriage was all about. I have good friends whose children are gay and I know if they could have changed them, they would have. Not because they don't love them the way they are, but because they know how hard life will be for them. And really if the law is changed to help aleviate some difficulties in their lives, then do it. If your not gay it won't change your life but if you are, it might save your life.

    I also feel for the most of them, being gay wasn't a choice, they were born that way and couldn't change no matter how how unhappy they were about it. My nephew was one that I KNOW was born gay and hated it all of his life. He died from complications resulting from AIDS because he wouldn't seek medical help until it was too late, being afraid of what others would think. One of the saddest things in my life is, he didn't want me to know he was gay because he thought I would not love him, when all the time I knew he was gay but didn't have the courage to talk to him about it. It's such a private thing and you never know how someone will react when you try to talk to them about it. At the end, I did the best I could to let him know that I loved the person he was and being gay didn't change how I felt. I also told him that Jesus loved him too and it seemed to bring him peace. He died on my birthday in 2000.

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  5. I feel sure abortion will continue to be legal. If the law is reversed at some point in time, it won't change the desperation of a woman who is faced with an unwanted pregnancy and will seek out a butcher to help her out of her situation, putting her life at risk. I don't condone abortion, but you can't legistate morality and it is something a woman has to decide for herself and live with for the rest of her life. No law of the land will change the memory of what might have been had she made a dicision to abort that baby or how her life would have been different if she had decided to carry it full term. Every situation is different and every person has to live with the decision they make, good or bad.

    When I hear all the talk of gun control, I have often thought why would an average person like me or Mike need with an assault rifle or a gun that had a mabazine that held 30 rounds, but if faced with an intruder in my home, threatening me or my family, I don't want to be outgunned. This great country was founded on being able to hunt with a gun and protect ourselves with a gun. When Hitler convinced Germany to turn over their guns, it was the beginning of the end for countless millions of people in Europe. God forbid, it happens in America. because "When we outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns." Our best hope is the NRA, they are powerful enough to stop this crazy talk, for now at least. Mike belongs to the NRA, not because we are so into guns, but because they are our best defence against taking away our rights granted to Americans by the 2nd Admendment. It's a scary thing for the rulers to start whittling away at our Constitution. It is that very Constitution that has set us apart from the rest of the world for over 200 years. When it has been destroyed, we can expect to have a dictator who could be in power as long as his followers support him. We see it all the time in third world countries.

    Keep up the good work sweetie, it's all we can do and when you do the best you are capable of doing what else matters.

    I'm done.
    Love...
    Nana

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  6. Amen to you, nana, and Rick Warren!
    I could seriously write a book here, and I won't, but I loved this!

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  7. Ps. I've read all those posts you were talking about here. I once read one that made fun of mom bloggers who wear their hair in a bun, women who wore red lipstick or bubble necklaces, etc....but this same blogger doesn't allow negative comments on her blog. Go figure.
    I just wish everyone could be kind.
    The world would be so boring if we were all robots.
    ;)

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  8. Oh Holly...so glad to know you girl!
    I think you summed it up when you said, "we are all doing the best we can."
    Written in true honest Holly fashion....sprinkled with a little bit of funny.
    Love it!

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  9. Amen sister. I agree with most here...disagree with some. We are free!

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