Thursday, March 31, 2011

I had a great day yesterday!

A great day.

Visited old friends.
Dreamed of the day we can build a house like theirs!

Gorged on my favorite Chinese food in the world and chatted with them over lunch.

Had positive thoughts.
Happy spirit.
Joyful heart.
Blissful day.

We were early to my appointment.
(rather than white-smoking it into the parking lot-- sideways-- wheels screeching-- motor smoking-- taking out pedestrians in wheelchairs-- like we usually are, running behind)
Maddox fell asleep on 20 (maybe 5 or 10 minutes from the office) so Lance decided he and Maddox would wait for me in the car.
As I checked in, I told the receptionist that I needed to set up my sono for next week.  (the computers were down so I couldn't do it at check-out, last appointment, as I was instructed.)

She told me to go ahead and give my urine specimen and the scheduler would call me up in a second to take care of that.

10 or 15 minutes later the sonographer opens the door and calls my name.
Confused, I asked her, "are we doing this today?"
And she said, "I'm just doing what I'm told...."
(the sonographer has the attitude of a tortoise.  Flat.  Dry.  Zero bedside manner.  I deal with it.)
I asked her if I had time to call Lance to come in and she said I could, but she was going to get started.
Luckily he was able to wake Maddox up and book it in, because that chick wasn't waiting!!

Beckham looked good.
Scored an 8 out of 8.  (whatever that means)
Maddox was most impressed by his brother's "xray".

I had her check for a penis again.
'Sonographer-lady' gave me an ugly look... told me that if she told me it was there last time, it would still be there now... said that she is never wrong... (not even 1%, she said)... that she knows the difference between a penis and a labia... but she looked.
And that's all I wanted.
I won.

Its still there.
Beckham is still a 'he'!

And I can not wait to meet him!

Back in Dr. Deem's room, she explained that our little nugget is approximately 7lbs 5oz.
She said Maddox was approximately 7lbs 15oz at his sono... his 38 week sono.
At gaining 0.5-1 ounce a day, these boys are pretty close in size.

Dr. Deem said that a healthy amount of amniotic fluid is somewhere between 5 and 20...
I measured 29.
Twenty-nine.
She said that I should expect a "gusher" when my water breaks...
No trickles--
No, "was- that- my- water- breaking?"
I. will. know.

And apparently that is why this little boy still  moves so much-- he has plenty of room to splish-splash around!

My blood pressure was fab, he was head down, his heart rate was 138 and I had stayed the same on my weight.  (no loss or gain this week)

Apparently she forgot our entire discussion (multiple discussions) about if Bex was Maddox's size, we would induce.
Maddox was 8lb 9oz and 22 1/2" long.
He had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and a 4 minute apnea episode before birth.
His initial apgar was a 5.
A team of professionals worked him over good and within minutes, he was pink and screaming and a beautiful 9.
But we wanted to stay clear of any episodes similar to Maddox's.

Rather than a conversation about induction, she kept saying things like:
"When your water breaks..."
"When you go into labor..."
"Do not go into labor this Friday..."
"Don't try and have him next Tuesday..."

I was dilated a 1.
O. N. E.
And 50% effaced...

She was out of her head!  :)

I told her that I truly do not think my body will go into labor by itself, and after a lot of thinking, I think I would rather set up an induction date.
That way I can plan.

[Here's a look into control-freak-Holly's head::
I really can not have this boy be born before 4/10 (we just have too much to do... Disney on Ice, Work, two sets of weekend call, a wedding shower...) but I really don't want to have him after the 20th either.  --That pushes me into the 41st week... another week that I would not be working-- pushing me another week into maternity leave-- all I can see is the money we would lose.
You see, it's obvious-- She has a 10 day window to make this work!!]  ;)

She didn't think that 'induction talk' was necessary just yet, and told me that if I were still pregnant at my 29 week visit, she would set that up.

I told her that I wanted to do it on my birthday, (the 18th) but her and Lance both thought that was a crazy idea.
I reminded them both that this child would actually be crawling out my vaJJ, therefore, my vote counted the most! ;)
But they both thought that Friday the 22 would be a better option.
(I guess he really would be our Easter surprise!)

We will discuss it again later!

After our appointment, we ran to Sam's Club USA and somehow didn't buy much- and then headed home.

Maddox and I played outside a little before going to mom's for dinner.



I made mom this fruit salsa recipe (from a friend of a friend, named Sarah) for her trip:
[sorry, I didn't think to get a picture!]
1 container of raspberries
1 container of strawberries
2 golden delicious apples
(chop all fruit very fine)
1 TBSP brown sugar
1 TBSP white sugar
2 TBSP fruit preserves

Cut flour tortillas into 8ths (like a pizza)... spray with butter flavored cooking spray-- sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon-- and toast on a cookie sheet.

Promise, it is YUMMM!!!

Today, I am tired --again-- but I have way too much to do today, to let this exhaustion keep me down.

Yesterday was great, I only had one episode of feeling pissed off, but hey!  That's life!
(Lance was just reading over my shoulder and said I had about 4 episodes... jerk!) ;)

I refuse to be sad anymore.
Or emotional.
Or to let other people's negativity effect me.
Or listen to people tell me what I could do for them, as if I am not neglecting my own list of crap.

I was in such a great mood yesterday, happier than I had felt in a week...
and despite exhaustion... a life-long list of chores I hope to accomplish...
I am going to stay that way!!

(or at least try!)
 Now, me and this little guy are headed out for a donut-date with Lance!

Happy Thursday!  :)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

God grant me patience.

I told myself that I would not post again until I had something positive to say.

I lied.

I haven't cried today (yet), therefor, I think I can document our life for a minute-- and pretend to have hind-sight and see the comedy that I know this will bring me one day.
When my hormones have calmed a little...
And I'm not so sensitive...

I think God may be preparing me for the more difficult times ahead...
Breaking me in, if you will.
But please spare me any judgemental opinions (I have had enough of those this week),
and realize you too have had times like this.
I'm judging myself enough---
I don't need any other spotlights on my glitches.

Let's just try to giggle together, and see the humor in this thing we call life.

Raising a toddler:

Sunday Maddox ate 1/2 of this tube of this:

It was a brand new tube.
He put his mouth on the end-- and sucked to his heart's content.
Hopefully you noticed the "safe if swallowed" disclaimer on the bottle.
(I hope they meant 1/2 the tube)

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

And then he made artwork of himself.
When I asked, "What is all over your face?!"
He responded with, "Nuffing!"
But took me to my waterproof mascara, still opened and tucked into his toy chest.  
(along side remnants of Doritos that he apparently smuggled from the pantry)
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. Proverbs 29:17

Later that day, Maddox came to me while washing dishes, with his hands spread out as if he was going to block me and said, "Do not go into my room momma."
Which I immediately turned off the water, dried my hands and headed towards his room, saying, "Whhhhyyy Maddox???"
He says, "ummm... there might me a knife in my room."  "And pudding."  "Because I wanted it."
Which is when I found this:
You may have notice all 973 hack marks into the top of this pudding... 
Or the fact that he has a toddler utensil set that came with a knife?!  
One of his favorite things about dinner is picking his own fork... apparently he spotted this is his drawer and thought it would be the best thing to break into pudding with.

 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

I am being tested.
It's obvious.

 The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.  Proverbs 14:1

Yesterday I turned 37 weeks.
And was a complete sap the entire day.
I can't even remember much about my day...

I did make experimental BBQ in the crock pot.
And it turned out wonderful!
[a roast, maybe 1/3 cup of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce, some water, a can of tomato sauce, couple TBSP molasses, probably a TBSP of Dijon mustard, salt, pepper, garlic, and Lowry's seasoning salt.]
Lance said it had "really good flavor".
I knew it could go either way-- but I am in dire need of a grocery shopping trip, so we were down to making-up-meals!
We ate it in corn tortillas.
 
I can not (or better yet) do not want to go into what hurt my feelings so bad yesterday...
But I cried my entire (one hour) drive to work.
And a few times at work.
And when I got home from work again.
 I hate being so out of control with my emotions.
I wish I could feel like myself again.
3 more weeks.

Weeping my endure for a night.  But joy comes in the morning. Psalms 30:5

God bless my amazing husband.
And his patience with me in this past week.
And the fact that he doesn't judge me
...or my crappy parenting these last few days.
[And the fact that he promised me to take me to Weatherford on Wednesday before our doctors appointment for some Golden Moon.]
And praised me last night on the fact that Maddox (at 2 1/2) now knows all 26 of his letter sounds-- 
[the first step to reading]
and said that was a true testament to my parenting and the time and patience I constantly put into him.
(Probably not completely true) But I needed that compliment.
He's kind of perfect.
I love him a million.

Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.
1 Corinthians 7:3-6
 
Back to the BBQ.
Lance said Maddox didn't eat any of his BBQ last night.
(which isn't anything new to us-- since he also refused his burrito the day before at lunch and his chicken and rice at dinner)
but we decided to cut the snacks too.
That is hard for me, because I feel like he needs to eat... so I feel better about letting him snack on healthy things he likes, such as grapes, bananas, yogurt, string cheese, and peanut butter crackers when he doesn't eat well.
But it is becoming a trend where he declines meals, but fills up on snacks.
Lance let Maddox take his BBQ to his table in his room, in hopes that he would eat.
When I tucked him in at 10:00 last night, he still had a full serving of meat on his plate.
Although gross, I left it there.
(Mainly because I was too tired to do much else)

Maddox was in my bed before midnight last night-- after a trip to the potty...
And this morning when I went to make his bed and straighten his room (the first of 50 times I will today), I noticed the meat was gone.
I have no idea when he ate the meat... or if he ate it at all?!
(We may find it stuffed in the couch cushions, with the cookies Lance found yesterday, for all I know)
But he said it was in his tummy when I asked where it went.
I am still disgusted at the thought.
But it's my fault.
Surely, there's worse that he could have ate, right?!

Faithful is he that calls you, who also will do it. – 1 Timothy 5:24

This morning Maddox and I made cinnamon toast, fruit, and chocolate milk for breakfast.
(Maddox has to help me with everything I do right now.  Cooking, laundry, cleaning, you name it... I have to find Mr. helpful a task in everything I do right now.)
Here's the little chef, helping me make a cake last weekend:
 
This morning he decided he wanted more chocolate milk.  With ice?!
And didn't need my help.
The sneaky little turd learned to open the refrigerator today.
And helped himself to this new drink. 
And a string cheese.
What a mess.
But I didn't cry!
Yay me!
Now he is wound up tight...
And full of energy.

Which is where I started:

God, grant me patience.

Friday, March 25, 2011

36 weeks


Anxiety hit this week.
In a big way.

I think Lance realized how lucky he got this pregnancy because this was one of very few sets of tears we have had to endure this go.
With Maddox, it was a weekly (sometimes daily) tear-fest.

I think exhaustion played a big part in my emotions--
and the thought that my life is going to change in a big way in a month.
One month.
Thanksgiving to Christmas... you know how fast that goes.
That's what we have left.
A blur.

On Monday I broke down on the phone with Lance.
I knew I wasn't making a bit of sense but I couldn't get it together.
I apologized when he got home, and thought it was just an isolated break-down.

Tuesday was better.  (meaning I didn't cry)
But it seemed like every whiny person wanted to tell me their problems, and act like no one else had ever endured their issues [ever] or ask for my help on crap that I had zero-to-no care to help with.

I wanted to scream, "I have my own issues...
Can you see how fat I am?
Do you know that I now have hemroid on may ass-- which takes me somewhere so far from hot, its not even funny.
My lower back hurts.
I pee 18 times a night.
I am tired.
My 2 year old doesn't stop.
I work.
No one in my family pacifies whining or cuts me a "she's pregnant" break.
I now feel like I am holding a water balloon with my vagina.
But somehow, am still being kicked in my ribs.
I can not eat after about 6:00pm or else I have to sleep sitting straight up.
See-- I too have a damn list.
Therefore, I don't care about yours!!"
I knew it was rude to have those thoughts... but again, I didn't care.
Nor did I say them out loud.
Until now. 
 
Wednesday, I followed Lance (like a lost puppy) and cried.
And cried.
And cried.

He kept asking, "What can I do to help you?"... "What do we need to do?"
But the only answer I could give him was, "A lot."

We ended up accomplishing little that day...
But I made lists.
And lists of my lists.
And then I typed my lists.

Because that's how I roll.
And it sure made me feel better!
(which is all that really matters at this point!)

Mom took Maddox for an hour or so from me and we went to their house for tacos for dinner.
Maddox and Pop had tractor stuff to do.  He thinks he is 'big time' on the tractor!

Thursday was a new day.
I had my 36 week appointment with Dr Deem at 11:00. 
Lance had planned on staying home with Maddox and knocking out a few things on the list and I would go to my doctor's appointment alone, and spend the remaining hours of my day (killing time before work) returning doubles from my shower and purchasing the things that I feel like we need before his arrival.
If you are a nursing momma-- I would recommend these x 100.  They are typically $25 a pair, and completely worth their price tag.  However, I found them at Target (possibly marked wrong) for $4.95 a pair.  I bought the 2 pair they had left. 

But Maddox woke me up by saying, "wake up, my periwinkle!" and was so sweet (and funny) yesterday morning, I didn't want to leave him for the entire day.

I mean, he "read" me this book before bed.... I should have known I wouldn't want to leave my tiny-turtle.
[Watch it... It might be the sweetest thing I have ever seen!]
video

So we made a family day out of my appointment.

I could tell that yesterday was going to be less emotional and was excited to begin a new day.
I was ready to feel like my normal self.



That was until I checked in at the front desk and the receptionist said, "did you know your insurance termed on January 1?"
WHAT?!?!?!?
No.
I did not know such pertinent information.
I did know, however, that when Maddox cost us a couple grand... this sweet little soul was going to cost us a $35 co-pay.
What happened to our crazy-good insurance?


Apparently Lance's company changed providers and you know he was made aware of this but we didn't know.
Thankfully, this insurance is still really good... $200 per-day in hospital (not to exceed $800), baby covered 100% (including circ), and OB covered 100%.


Breathe Holly.
Wipe the tears.



Then we got back into the room.
Once again, she could not find the heart beat.
Again, I wasn't panicked at all because this little boy never stops moving, so I am constantly reminded that he is doing well.
The nurse asked me where they found it last time (when they had trouble) and I pointed under my left rib.
BAM!
She found it.... and then told me that could mean he is breech.

Tears again.
I am terrified of a c-section.


Lance was trying to console me...
And keep Maddox from touching everything in the room....
but despite good effort, he didn't really master either task!


Dr Deem came in and was happy that I had gained weight again. blah blah blah

She felt my belly and believes that Beckham in head down.
She did my Group B test...
and she set me up for my 38 week sono.


(She is waiting until 38 weeks because she really wants to watch Beckham's size, and this way it is more accurate, and we can induce if he is too large.)


Otherwise, she said she would let me try and go into natural labor (which I stressed to her at the beginning of this pregnancy was important to me) or we would set up induction April 18 (my birthday) or April 19, if I was done and ready!


I don't want an early baby... I almost had a 41 week-full term NICU baby, so I don't want an early (even though we are 'technically' full term in a few days) NICU baby.  Nature knows best.



But induction does sound okay too... since I am a planner.
Time to check my bag x 10.
Time to let everyone know...
No worries if everyone is at work-- who's going to take me-- who's going to get Maddox--  or crowning in my one hour car ride to the hospital.
Time to apply make-up and make sure hair is presentable for the thousands of pictures that are taken.
Time to plan.


We will see.
God has a plan.
And I will follow.



Today was good.
I feel like me again.
Still tired.
But no tears.


Maddox and I played outside.


 I think I'm back on track!

And I'm off to eat catfish...
And I don't even like fish.

But today it sounds so good!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Today is March 20th...

The first day of spring...
and the one month mark before Beckham's due date!

I should be creating  list of thing we have to accomplish this week, as we are quickly approaching the end...
But instead I'll catch you up on our weekend!

The Etsy show was a bust.

My SIL and my mom were finished by the time I got off work and didn't think it would be worth my time.

So we had lunch at my favorite bakery.
McKinleys!

After lunch, Randi and I went to Marshall's and then walked to Target from there.
We almost peed ourselves from laughter trying to leave.

Apparently this Target has some high-tech buggies... if you get out of the perimeter of its liking, it will shut. your. wagon. DOWN.
I know because I dang-near launched Maddox out of that thing when it took me from strolling along to a dead-stop, without waring, in the center of the intersection.
Randi had her hands full with kids and bags (and trying to cross her legs tight enough to not have an accident on herself, laughing) and my waddling butt was trying to pull stickers and tiny strings out of it tires as if this were the problem.
It wasn't like pushing a buggy who's wheels wouldn't turn (screeching but still moving forward)... it was like trying to push a tank truck.
Stopped.
Thankfully a man came and picked up the buggy and I somehow balanced my case of water, bags, and 2 year old, safely back to the car.

I think you had to be there to experience the true humor of the situation...
Randi and I still get tickled thinking about it!!

Even still, I was able to get Maddox a few (much needed) clothes for warmer weather.
I didn't realize until this week how tall and skinny he had gotten.
I had to buy 3T shorts (that can be girted up on the inside) and 4T shirts.
Our 2T attire, had become close to humorous.

Today I put this shirt on him and he screamed like a girl!

He said, "why is this scary animal on my shirt?!"
After I told him it was just a raccoon, he was cool with it.
Where does he get that drama?  **the writer winks**

Last night, though I was beat, we popped popcorn and went out to check out the uber-bright moon.
Apparently the moon was closer to the Earth than it has been in 2 decades...
We thought we should take a look!



He was impressed by the moon... and the spots on it... but he had a serious argument with Lance when he tried explaining to him that we live on Earth.
"No we don't Daddy, Erf is a planet."
--It was a lost cause.

We crawled into bed rather early for a Saturday night, I slept like a rock, but today I was still exhausted.
I feel like I have said that a lot lately.
I pray that I find energy before our baby boy arrives.
I am useless, and feel like a loser being this tired.
I am so thankful for such a great toddler.
He and I were able to take a nap together, and it sure felt nice!

Lance re-joined the Boyd Fire Department, so he has been stopping by on his way home putting in time as he can.
I am happy for him to being doing something he loves so much.... but in another month-- I may, or may not be so supportive!!

He was on it for over 5 years back in the day, but they just opened the by-laws that you don't have to live within the district to volunteer, so he she he jumped back on the opportunity.
He is actually a licensed fire fighter and EMT-B, but hasn't received payment from a department since he was on with Roanoke about 5 year ago.
He is getting his "fix" and I know he is really enjoying it...
He tells me everyday "thanks for being so understanding an open to this" (as if I tie his to a fence and beat him the other days of his life)
(He's the one in the red suspenders)

After he made it home, we went to mom's for dinner.
Steak, mashed potatoes, buttered noodles, corn, and green beans.
I was most interested in the home-made chocolate-chip pecan cookies she made!

Maddox was most interested in his date with the sidewalk chalk on her patio!
Its time for bed...
I hope everyone had a splendid weekend!
I'm off to read my boy a book and tuck him in with Teddy.

Friday, March 18, 2011

jumbled thoughts

one:
We spent the last 2 days at the park, eating up this beautiful weather.
My sister packed us a picnik yesterday, and though the wind almost did us in... we had fun!



My house looks like we spent 2 days at the park.
I am behind.

I should have used today to catch up.
But I. am. tired.

two:
My brother is very sick.
He was diagnosed with pneumonia yesterday and is loaded up on antibiotics and breathing treatments.
[post 3 shots]
I tried taking his kids from him today so he could get some rest, (since Randi works on Fridays) but he said they were about to go down for a nap.

I tried.

three:
My brother came up with another one of his wild ideas...
He wants us all to take a trip to San Antonio the first of May.
[When Beckham is just a couple of weeks old.]
Granted, we went to the coast when Maddox was just 3 weeks old-- in July-- but we never even went down to the beach, and we did very little walking.

It is still up for discussion, but I think we are closer to declining the invite rather than accepting.
We will be living on one paycheck at the time-- and it isn't the paycheck we got to live on when Maddox was a baby.
We have saved enough to cover what I would typically bring home-- but a vacation wasn't budgeted into that.

However, I panic a little to know that everyone that is within minutes of me for help, will be out of reach.
(my parents are going with them.)

four:
We are going to some friends of ours tonight for dinner and games.
I am excited.
Candace is one of my favorite people in life.
And her husband makes me laugh.
Hard.

five:
We make Lance's last truck payment this month.

Ahhhh.... I am thrilled to lose a car payment.

But guess who has new-truck-fever.
The husband.

I have mixed feelings on the matter...
But since I no longer pay our bills-- I am going to stay without an opinion.

six:
We have seen a ton of turkeys lately.

There were probably over 30 in my mom's driveway last Saturday morning.
I was scrambling to get a pic with my phone-- which turned out like crap...
So I was excited when a few others crept up in the woods north of our house.
Maddox wasn't too impressed.

seven:
I'm going to miss this little farm house.
And August will be here before we know it.

There is definitely a list of things I will not miss...
But I would not change this opportunity to be out here for anything in the world.

I think its crazy to say, but I think I have found some personal growth out here in the country.
I don't know if it is really the house...
Or if I should thank the cheap payment that came with it,
the fact that I stopped being in charge of our bills while out here(majorly decreasing my stress level),
That I have been pregnant the entire time (in which I am more joyful)
or the bliss that this land (and neighbor) bring my baby boy.

Either way-- I feel like I have let a lot of burdens go over the last 6 months.

I have also started caring less about what others have (that I may want)-- and buried myself more in the beauty that I have in front of me.

That's huge growth for me.

It reminds me of this saying::
“We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”
— Dave Ramsey
(I don't do the Dave Ramsey ways of living.  I just liked the saying.)

eight:
August??
Why am I talking about August?
Do you realize April 20th is just a month away?

Good gravy.
This little soul with be here in no time.

I know this, because my boss called me this morning, frustrated that I have booked myself through the 17th-- and she made me cancel my last 2 weekend days.

I think she's being dramatic, I think I'll go late and eventually be induced just like Maddox was, but I minded her anyhow.

She wants me to cancel the entire week before I am due too... but I begged her to leave me on.
(for now at least)
My week off of work before Maddox was born was complete misery.
Remember?
I like to work.
I'm not a pregnant drama queen...
So let me work, damn it.

nine:
Lance has been giving me a hard time about this guy I use to work with over 7 years ago.
He is just kidding really... (because he isn't really the jealous type) but it wears me out, that he thinks I truly did have a crush on him
He was not even my type.

Which got me to thinking...
neither Lance nor I are really each other's type.

I guarantee, if Lance and I were not a couple, the girl that would most likely turn his head-- would not wear a flower in her hair or constantly have make-up on her face.
She would chose Pategona or Mountain Hardware over the frills and sass that I do.
She'd be a little thicker than me too... since he thinks I am the 'most beautiful' when I am pregnant.
She'd probably be a little less outspoken than me.
And she'd definitely be athletic.  

And on the flip-side.
He's not even "my type"
I have always been attracted to guys who are about my size.
Cowboy looking boys (like John Wayne off AI this season)
Or grungy, longer hair (but clean) looking boys who walked straight out of the 70s. (I realize they are complete opposite now that I type it out)
...with white collar jobs.
LOL.
A hippy who makes 6 digits!!
Get real.

We got eachother.
No body's looking.
But dang, after 9 years he should know my type!!

ten:
I started this early today and didn't finish it--
I wanted to add Maddox's video of learning letter sounds here...
But I can't wait for it to upload.

And I wanted to post a before and after of Maddox's hair cut that I gave him today...
(I think I am getting better!)


But since its 1130 and I have to work in the morning bright and early, I'll call it quits here.


However, I will add- tomorrow my mom is meeting me with Maddox and my SIL and her kids at the Etsy show at Will Rogers.
I am extatic about it.
I hope to find Beckham a few sweet things.

Whew!
Etsy... as a craft show.
Are you understanding my excitement here??

Hopefully I find some great things-- and I will be sure to share in a post!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I'm on call today.

And it has been pretty good to me.

It is absolutely beautiful outside.
I love. love. love. this time of year.

Maddox slept until his normal 7:30 [which today we called 8:30.]  But just asked for raisins and for his tv on.
He played in his room, took himself potty, and acted perfect until 9:00.  [Today we called 10:00.]
I rested.

I got up and made up biscuits and chocolate gravy (A lifetime favorite of mine!) for him and my sister.
And then we went outside to take advantage of this day.

He's such a sweet little soul.
I love him a million- trillion plus one.

He brought me this beautiful flower:
He said: "its a beautiful flower.  Just like you momma"

Tell me he wont be a great husband one day.
He already gets it!  :)


He couldn't leave Beckham out.
He got a flower too.

(which I have to admit I would rather have shoved into my belly button over the bean burrito he tried to "feed" him a few days ago.)

Last night, someone asked Lance if Maddox was more like him or I.
I honestly had never thought about it so I had to think....
Lance answered immediately, "He's like Holly."
I shot him a glance.  What's that suppose to mean?
Lance said, "I was mean and ornery and didn't care about other people's feelings.  Maddox does.  He is a better kid than I was."

I thought that was nice of my husband to say.
[But I was pretty rotten too.]

Maddox definitely has his Daddy's sence of humor.

Since most of you don't know Lance, I'll explain.
Some days my husband wakes up and decides for the first hour of the day he will only sing his conversations with me... to the tune of a Taylor Swift song, to some Eminem, or whatever else floats his boat.
The majority of our conversations are "what if" scenarios and he thinks things are funny that 89% of the world do not.
He's goofy.
He's strange.
And that is why I love him.

I have never been called anything close to normal myself, so Maddox was destined to be the quirky kid.

Yesterday he yelled, "Happy Anniversary!!!" to me over and over and over and then would laugh like it was the greatest joke ever!
He had the same joke with Lance one night this week except the catch word was "enchilada!"  It got him tickled every time.

Yesterday I told him he could have an icecream if he would count to 10 in Spanish.
Instead he counted backwards to one in English and then said, "that's no Spanish mom!"
He knows how to make us laugh!

Today while acting wild and crazy-- jumping off things and pretending to be a super-hero-- I asked him to calm down.
He didn't so I told him that he was working his way towards a spanking.
He turned to me-- serious as a heart attack-- and said, "you can spank me momma, but you can't take my cape.  It's invisible!"
He had a point.

As smart and sweet and funny that I think he is...
This regression to baby talk is making me want to pull my hair out.

Tell me this is just a phase and that it passes quickly.

Sweet or not-- hearing Maddox call Lance "da-da" rather than Daddy...
Or "juice. juice. juice" rather than, "Hey momma, can I have some juice?"...
Or pretending he doesn't recognize his letters that we have known and plastered to Youtube since he was 20 months old...
-- makes me a bit impatient and flustered.

I hear its normal.
Beckham's throwing him for a loop.

But the more tired he gets, the more 'baby-ish' he acts...
and I find myself acting mean.
And wanting to sedate him into a nap.
And finding his re-set button.

No sedation required... but he threw me a bone.

And I took the opportunity to blog.
To sit.
And enjoy the quiet.

And now that my pot of chicken tortilla soup is finished...
To eat!

[You can find the recipe: here. Its my favorite recipe from my father in law.]



Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

It's Beckham, right?

Yesterday we had our 34 week appointment with Dr Deem.
My blood pressure was great.
The baby's heart rate was 145bpm.
I had lost another pound.

As of our next visit, I start getting checked and am on weekly visits from there.
I'm not so excited about the checking stuff-- but that does denote the end.

Wholy guacamole... We are weeks away!



We ran by Target after our appointment to get bins to organize baby stuff.
We have decided not to set up Beckham's nursery in the farm house, since we will be moving back home when he is only 3 months old.
It just seemed like a waste::  something else to break down and move.
However, no nursery = unorganized, thrown together, mess.
I still need to get his things in some type of order-- so that I can breathe, mostly.
I went after the bins to help with the clutter.

I found these on clearance for $4.20 each.
And I think they are adorable.
And will be functional, for the time being.

[After the move-back, I will move them to Maddox's bookshelf that Nana made us, labeled for toys.]

Lance and I folded baby clothes, unpacked gifts and did our best to organize in the space we have called Beckham's.

Lance continued cleaning the house as I stacked diapers and made lists of what we need...

As we sat down to enjoy some American Idol, I had a moment of anxiety.

How do I know his name is Beckham?

I asked Lance, "Do you like Roby better than Beckham?" 
(Roby is what Lance's friends called him when he and I started dating.  Lance never liked it as a name for our baby but I loved it and tried to force it on him a while back!)
Lance said, "Do you not like Beckham anymore? We've already monogrammed his things."
[As if that sets it in stone.]


This was all too familiar to me!

I have commitment issues, I always have.

In every area of my life.

I mean I can remember being a little girl, swinging on my tire-swing and asking my Daddy, "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"
He thought about it and said, "I guess right here in Springtown, Texas.  No one says I can't go where ever I want, but I like it here."
It stressed me out, and I was like 5.
How do you know where to live?
What if it isn't the right place?
Will you know you aren't where you are suppose to be?

It didn't stop there.

I literally had anxiety attacks in Junior High about Heaven.
Eternity is forever?
Forever- ever??
But after that??
...Is still forever.
I remember crawling into my brother's room in the middle of the night, upset... just saying, "I just don't get it.  I can't understand forever."

Flash forward again:
I was engaged for 3 years.
Mostly because we got engaged really young...
But also because the thought of marriage, an eternal commitment, forever with the same person, made me want to vomit.
I didn't have cold feet.
My feet were frozen!
After lots of patience, persuasion, and finally a handshake on a 5-year commitment and then re-eval (rather than the forever commitment the audience heard me take)-- I set a date.
The 3rd date.

This pregnancy is the only time in my life that I can remember not being anxious about everything... My head stays very calm this time, for some odd reason.
Not last night.

What if Beckham isn't his name?
Will I know?
Will we change it?
Or will it just work out?
Did anyone else ever think they might be wrong about naming their kid, or am I a complete freak?
This will be his title forever and I do not want to mess it up.

Maybe I should have just let Lance name him.
He named Maddox.

And I can't image calling that sweet face anything else.

Oh mercy me...
I think Beckham's a good name.

Right?!