Thursday, March 10, 2011

It's Beckham, right?

Yesterday we had our 34 week appointment with Dr Deem.
My blood pressure was great.
The baby's heart rate was 145bpm.
I had lost another pound.

As of our next visit, I start getting checked and am on weekly visits from there.
I'm not so excited about the checking stuff-- but that does denote the end.

Wholy guacamole... We are weeks away!

We ran by Target after our appointment to get bins to organize baby stuff.
We have decided not to set up Beckham's nursery in the farm house, since we will be moving back home when he is only 3 months old.
It just seemed like a waste::  something else to break down and move.
However, no nursery = unorganized, thrown together, mess.
I still need to get his things in some type of order-- so that I can breathe, mostly.
I went after the bins to help with the clutter.

I found these on clearance for $4.20 each.
And I think they are adorable.
And will be functional, for the time being.

[After the move-back, I will move them to Maddox's bookshelf that Nana made us, labeled for toys.]

Lance and I folded baby clothes, unpacked gifts and did our best to organize in the space we have called Beckham's.

Lance continued cleaning the house as I stacked diapers and made lists of what we need...

As we sat down to enjoy some American Idol, I had a moment of anxiety.

How do I know his name is Beckham?

I asked Lance, "Do you like Roby better than Beckham?" 
(Roby is what Lance's friends called him when he and I started dating.  Lance never liked it as a name for our baby but I loved it and tried to force it on him a while back!)
Lance said, "Do you not like Beckham anymore? We've already monogrammed his things."
[As if that sets it in stone.]

This was all too familiar to me!

I have commitment issues, I always have.

In every area of my life.

I mean I can remember being a little girl, swinging on my tire-swing and asking my Daddy, "If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?"
He thought about it and said, "I guess right here in Springtown, Texas.  No one says I can't go where ever I want, but I like it here."
It stressed me out, and I was like 5.
How do you know where to live?
What if it isn't the right place?
Will you know you aren't where you are suppose to be?

It didn't stop there.

I literally had anxiety attacks in Junior High about Heaven.
Eternity is forever?
Forever- ever??
But after that??
...Is still forever.
I remember crawling into my brother's room in the middle of the night, upset... just saying, "I just don't get it.  I can't understand forever."

Flash forward again:
I was engaged for 3 years.
Mostly because we got engaged really young...
But also because the thought of marriage, an eternal commitment, forever with the same person, made me want to vomit.
I didn't have cold feet.
My feet were frozen!
After lots of patience, persuasion, and finally a handshake on a 5-year commitment and then re-eval (rather than the forever commitment the audience heard me take)-- I set a date.
The 3rd date.

This pregnancy is the only time in my life that I can remember not being anxious about everything... My head stays very calm this time, for some odd reason.
Not last night.

What if Beckham isn't his name?
Will I know?
Will we change it?
Or will it just work out?
Did anyone else ever think they might be wrong about naming their kid, or am I a complete freak?
This will be his title forever and I do not want to mess it up.

Maybe I should have just let Lance name him.
He named Maddox.

And I can't image calling that sweet face anything else.

Oh mercy me...
I think Beckham's a good name.



  1. Everyone has anxiety and worries. I love Beckham. It's unique and adorable! BUT, if you are having second thoughts about it, don't let some monogrammed items tie you down to a name that you can't see yourself calling out for a very long time!

  2. Are you wearing your regular jeans?

  3. If my vote counts any at all, I love the name Beckham. You will find that after he arrives and you refer to him as baby Beckham, it will fit him like a glove. Funny thing about names, it always happens that way. You know how my crazy mind works...when I was a kid, names had colors attached to them. Wanda was red, Barbara was blue and Geneva was yellow. For some reason Diena didn't have a color and Henry was brown. How strange is that?
    Love you...

  4. Thanks Casey, that's what I needed to hear!
    The 12 on 12 post (where I "released" his name) got over 300 hits but only a handful of comments-- so it is hard to know if it was just nosey FB friends who didn't want me to know they cared... people who liked the name but didn't know how to comment... or people who cared but hated the name and thought they should spare my feelings!! My head was spinning!
    But I think Beckham will be perfect!

    Glad you like it too, Nana!! --and I love the color references... the apple obviously doesn't fall to far from the tree!!

    Person in the middle: yes, those are my normal jeans but one of only a few I can still wear-- so don't give me too much credit!
    (I have another pair that I can hardly get over my thighs!!)

  5. Love the name! You are so passionate and full of love that it will be a perfect name for him.