Sunday, August 19, 2012

Another phone call


More news.

It was Josh, Lance's boss, asking us to move three hours from home--

An almost doubled pay raise...
but away from everyone.

For good.

My first reaction was fear...
and tears.

Mostly because everything I felt was selfish, and there was no part of me saying yes.

Which is crap...
because it is the opposite of everything I have promised my husband in the past.

When Lance lost his job, 2009 was hard.

I swore to him that I would move wherever God led us, for work.
For security.
For us.

Luckily I chose a career that is not effected much by economics, and I could find work.
I knew that.

He couldn't.
For a year, he begged for work, any work... and even sold roofs for a while.
He took a 50% pay cut, eventually, for security and insurance and honestly, we planned on him retiring from the sheriff's office, before Josh came along.

I think we have some people who think that Lance has had too many jobs in our 10 years together.
And I agree, to some extent.

But those people didn't lose their jobs.
The thing that they had only known for work, wasn't ripped out from under their feet, causing them to find an entirely new career all together.

It is always easier to judge someone else's storm, when you are watching it from behind the window, on your warm comfy couch.

So here we hit a crossroad, for all to judge again.

And I am panicking.

Before, when I promised to do whatever it took, for Lance to find work (including move), we were desperate.
This time, we are fine where we are at.
We don't need to make this move...
however the pay would be nice.

And part of me thinks that Josh is expecting a 'yes'.
Which is a lot of pressure.

I know that Lance will eventually make the same money, here, if we just give it more time.

And some things are worth more than a paycheck.

We just bought land, to build our forever-home...
I just landed my new dream gig at my own job...
My school starts tomorrow...
Maddox's soccer next week...
And his school, the week following.

I don't want to give up all of that.

But I need to be a faithful wife.

My SIL just said 'yes' to her husband...
without thought.
Her kids are already in school, with friends... and sports.
And I have far less attachments, in that regard.

But this offer isn't a "for a little while" gig...
It's for good.

And that's more than I can digest.

He is telling me that it will be a year before this takes place.
If we take it...

Which makes most of my list of reasons 'why we can't', invalid.

We have multiple friends who have moved across the country for their husbands...
And their careers.

They were faithful.

But this isn't some fancy new place, where people will fly to visit...
Its just far enough that it will feel too far to come out... 
And its just close enough to home to make me home sick.

So we will talk about it some more...
and more, again, I am sure.

He says that he is 90% on my side of the fence.
But I hope I'm not pulling him over.

Have I mentioned that I hate news?!


  1. How did I not see this post?

    I feel sick for you. I couldn't imagine that feeling - having to decide something so permanent.

    Y'all have a lot of thinking to do and I'm thinking Lance's 90% on your side is him being honest - not you bringing him over. Just imagine his fear too - moving his family away from everything that makes them happy (and him happy)!

    You know I've been getting into church mode, so I will leave you with an appropriate verse that I think fits your situation well. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

    Whatever decision is made will be right for you and your family because you have someone guiding you along the way that wants what is best for you. :)

  2. I hope that whatever the choice is, your heart is at peace with it. Kevin has lived all over the U.S., and Fort Worth has been my only home. I always say I want to just pick up and move, but if it came down to it, I'd be torn. I want the adventure, but I also want familiarity. Lots of love to you!