work.

I never caught you up on my work situation.

[And I just got off the phone with my nursing supervisor-- and it sounds like this all could still change-- but for now, here goes...]

You may remember, days before delivering Beckham, I "lost my job".
Gallons of tears were shed, and finally I decided to be my own advocate, and I went to some of the doctors I work for and pleaded my case.

I have a really good relationship with most of the physicians of our practice and I think that, plus the pathetic sight a wailing 9 month pregnant girl, played to my benefit.

Chanda and I were given the call hours for these hours our office would no longer be open.
(meaning we work only 2 nights now, but make a few bucks more, and never have to leave our homes-- plus no gas bill)

I went in to deliver Beckham with a smile from ear to ear!
This awful situation had turned into my perfect scenario for a job.

Also, during this time, a physician who found my blog through my friend Kristen contacted me about a position in her practice.
Although, honored, I really couldn't give it much thought.
I had been verbally promised my dream job with a company I love.

I felt overwhelmingly blessed that she reached out to me...
I thought it was a true testament to her heart
But I had to decline her offer.

[This did, however, validate my idea that you just have to be honest about your situations in life-- people are willing to help, if they just know how they can.]

And I had to laugh at how that interview might go... she's read me curse, she's read me pray, she's seen pictures of me with my feet in stirrups... I even had a blog titled "I pooped today",  There would be no BSing in that interview!  If she has read enough, she already knows me!  :)

So I was grateful---
on all accounts.

and then things changed.

When Beckham was just a week or 2 old, the 17 doctors had a change of plan.

Night Clinic would not close, now-- but would be much different.
With 17 personalities, it would take a while for me to know exactly what my job would be... and honestly I think it is still all a bit of a cluster but bottom line, I have a job.
(Just not the exact one I had hoped for.)

It rotates offices, only some of the doctors will work it, no pay raise, no more drinks and snacks...
Same days...
Same hours. 
More of a mess-- but still a paycheck.

So now it is time.

I decided to ease back into working-- rather than jumping in head first.
(and yes, I am going back a bit sooner than I did with Maddox)

One night this week.
Two, next.
And the week of the 20th, I go back to my usual 3 nights.

I am no longer going to work every Saturday morning, even though I honestly really enjoyed them.
But I will stay in the mandatory weekend rotation, so I will have to pick up one Saturday or Sunday every month or two.
[Child care will be a major issue once we move back to Haslet-- with Lance working weekends and my mom camping with her girls.
I will have to get creative-- but I will work it out!]

So maternity leave ends for me tonight.
Kind of.

I think I am ready...
I'm definitely not excited,

(especially since I'm not working with my normal partner tonight)

but I am not miserably dreading it either, like I was after having Maddox!

I love pediatric nursing.
I love my job.
I love my friends there.

But I like it in a small quantities. :)

Pray tonight goes well! 

[I finally gave up...  Maddox takes after my brother in these-- not a picture one, with a real smile!  :)]

*UPDATE*
When I left, everyone was crying but me.
(well Lance wasn't in tears... but he was a nervous wreck, and pretty close I think!)
It was way easier this time... which makes me feel a bit guilty to admit.
Maddox was crying... and would get himself together enough to whisper, "please don't go momma"--
it was heart wrenching.
Leaving Beckham was the easy part, compared to that!

I went over the basics with Lance--
if he's crying, check his diaper-- feed him-- burp him-- swaddle him-- bounce him-- call me!
I left him plenty of pumped milk....

Or so I thought.
The little munch worm tore through all of it...
plus 2 ounce of formula...
and was ready to nurse when I walked through the door.

He is a chunk!

Goodness he's sweet.

They both are!