Monday, October 29, 2012

the weekend

On Friday, I woke up thinking about my Mamaw.

My old night clinic partner, Raine, had come into town and asked if I wanted to meet for lunch.
I decided to kill two birds with one stone and visit my Meme and Mamaw, first, before lunch with the girls from work.

I didn't tell my  Mamaw or Meme that I was coming over, we just showed up, unannounced.

Meme looked so good, and more healthy than I have seen her in a while.  (although she was on her way to the salon for a new color on her hair)

Mamaw looked frail and old and unsteady when I first walked through the door...
But the more Maddox filled her ears with words and she watched Beckham play,
her face filled with more color, and she looked like my Mamaw.

I have no excuse as to why I go so long in between visits, and I know that it is something I will regret after she is gone, but I sure enjoyed my time with her on Friday.

She understands life is busy, and she gleams with joy when she tells me how blessed I am.
She never tries to guilt any of us into visiting, instead she always just tells me that I am doing a good job and reminds me that I am in the sweet spot of life.
To keep doing what I am doing.

She does this thing where she closes her eyes for a second and pierces her lips and squeezes my kids cheeks, and I just know that what she is feeling is beyond words.

She didn't tell her stories of her days at Nieman Marcus (from which she retired)
or about her own life raising 2 kids, this visit.
There were no talks about Arkansas...
or politics (she's the only democrat in our family, and she's proud of it).

She seemed more confused than usual, repeating some things over and over, like how dark the room was.
But she knew me.
And she knew the boys.
And has lived almost a century...
And though it is hard for me to accept,
she will tell you that she's ready to meet her maker.

I guess I would be too, at that point...
but that sure won't be a day I'll enjoy.

I have always had great relationships with my grandparents.
Some of my best memories as a child come from impromptu camping trips with my meme and Papaw.
And feeding the cows with my Nana and Pawpa.
Both sides were a big part of my life and I love them all.

But since I was tiny, I knew I had my Mamaw in my back pocket.
She would take my side against my mom, my meme, and anyone else for that matter.

She believed, in her entire heart, I would be great.
She would tell me over and over that I was smart and would do great things.
I remember her telling me that I was going to be a doctor...
a pediatrician, to be exact.

When I didn't become a doctor,
she thought I was the smartest nurse to ever walk to face of the Earth.
She even clipped me a newspaper article about nursing and saved them for me.
It didn't matter that I went to a junior college, right here at home.
There wasn't a better nurse in the world, as far as she was concerned.
And she believed that.

She told me I was beautiful.
"pretty enough to be a model" she would say.
We all knew she was full of it...
but she would back it up by telling me that her office at Neiman's was right across from the modeling agency...
and I had everything those girls had.
She believed it.

She treated me as an equal, rather than a child.
As a little girl,
she would let me do her hair and makeup and then we would run all over town
and she would not change a single thing I had done.
I was impressed by her liquid rouge, so I know I over-used it as much as I could,
but she told me it looked as good as she could do...
and I believed her.

I've never seen her bed not made,
and yet she never told me I was making a mess,
or seemed bothered by my crayons and coloring book and paper that I would immediately spread across her coffee table, as soon as I walked in her house.

She has never complained to me about her health...

Or had reason to.
As a matter of fact,
she brags.
"Take care of yourself baby, we've got good genes, you'll live long like me."

She tells stories in a way that put you right there where she intended you to be.
She can splash color in your mind when describing the trees in Virginia.
And I can almost smell the dinners she would tell me about when she was a girl.

She reminds me that being rich has nothing to do with money.
Even disoriented at the hospital,
she reminded me how blessed and rich I am.

She always does.

She thinks I am raising the most handsome, smartest boys ever born on this Earth.
And she thinks I am the best momma in the world.
She tells me over and over.
And she believes it.

She's independent.
And tough.
And stubborn.
And smart.

She's loving.
And beautiful.
And encouraging.
And one of a kind.

I've been told that she can be mean as a snake.
And so can can I.
Maybe that's why I love her so?

On Saturday, Maddox had his last soccer game.
I woke up feeling sad, like I was mourning our last game.
Not only have we seen so much growth in Maddox, but I feel like this has been a rewarding experience for Lance, too.
My mom reminded me that I will be doing this for the next 20 years, but admitted that she still misses those days of sitting in the stands, cheering for us.
I was like 30-something degrees out Saturday morning, and we couldn't wear enough clothes to make ourselves comfortable.
Maddox did not score this game, and was originally pretty bummed.  But we reminded him that our friends Cayden and Brooks did, and Maddox still earned a dollar for an assist... so he was fine.

After the game, the church where we play was hosting a trunk or treat.
I went on call at noon and Beckham had already thrown in the towel, so Lance and I split up and I took Beckham home.

Lance and Maddox returned home with a bag full of candy, and a plan to go out to my parents and hang out.
Dave made me a fire, mom made her yummy food, and we watched Hallmark movies and football all weekend.

Maddox has been begging to go hog hunting for a while now, so about 10:00pm, the guys bundled up my little lion and loaded his BB gun full of ammo, and took him out.

Lance and Pop said that he didn't make it 10 minutes before he was head bobbing and snoring...
But the fact that Maddox got to walk through the field "and climb through a fence to where the grass got tall" was about all that little boy needed for his memory bank.

Sunday, I was on call again.
The boys sited in a few of their guns.
Mom cooked.
Beckham and I got to take a morning nap together.
And Maddox spent the entire day playing outside.

We didn't leave Paradise until after the Cowboy game was over and it was already dark.

I know that once we live out there, the nostalgia will be somewhat lost.
But I will tell you that it is so nice to have a little get away, like that and just chill.
I took my first 2 tests for my psychology class when we got home, and the boys fell asleep all cuddled together on the couch.

Which was a great ending to a wonderful weekend.

And today, was back to the grindstone...
and another great day at school for Maddox...
And mommy-Beckham time at home!


  1. Your Mamaw sounds like a wonderful lady. How lucky you are to have her. I loved your post about warmed my heart. I lost my grandmother in August and I miss her so much. I think about her often and feel lost when I think about her being gone.

  2. Oh I love your mamaw. I bet you will be just like all the best ways. That roaring fire and those guns...boy stuff. So fun!

  3. I love everything you wrote here about your mamaw! She is a gem, and I am adoring her from afar.

    Maddox going hog hunting makes me smile! I bet that memory will be in his sweet little head, always. Those gun photos, a very familiar sight to me. ;))