Test run

Yesterday Lance and my step-dad went to the Colonial.

Consequently, this meant I was at home with my two boys-- attempting our first day without the help of my side kick.  Alone.

It was a test run.
Lance goes back to work Friday.

The morning went great.
So great, that after breakfast--  I talked Maddox into snuggling in my bed, during the storm, to watch Dora.
Me and Beckham got about a 2 hour nap.
Great.

I made biscuits and jelly for breakfast, (Maddox snuck the jelly and I found him sitting under his Cars table, sucking it out of the container) and taco soup for lunch.  (Maddox wouldn't eat it at all-- apparently he was full of Jelly)

If we would have stayed home, I would have called yesterday a success.

We didn't stay home.

The next part isn't horrible.
And by "not horrible"-- meaning I didn't cry.
And by "didn't cry"-- I mean, I am too dang tired to cry.

We had to drive to Fort Worth.
Because "the boys went to the Colonial", really means-- the boys watched golf, and drank a lot of beer and should not drive themselves home.

So my sister came to my house,
and we headed out.

Our first stop was The Olive Garden to meet mom.

Maddox acted decent.
We've had better restaurant experiences....  (I mean he did lose his ball under another family's table-- And mom let him eat THREE butter packets.)
But we've definitely had worse too.

We left there and headed to the mall.
I had a gift card from my birthday, and I wanted to get a few shirts that wouldn't point out my gut like a neon sign... And were low cut enough so that I could nurse in them, but not look like a porn star, flaunting my rack.

Just as we arrived, I realized I forgot the stroller.
Luckily my sling was in the car,
So we were saved!

However, it is extremely difficult to wear a baby and try on clothes.

 (and there's really no where to put him, when you dis-attach!)

Allison ended up going for nothing but finding 4 or 5 shirts and a pair of leggings...
I got a dress and a pair of pants.
(Neither I came for)
And no shirts.

My mom is my favorite person to shop with.
I enjoy shopping for my sister too.
However, I never really enjoy doing that all together.
And I dang-sure don't enjoy doing it with the monster Maddox.

Many, many, many tears were shed by the almost 3 year old yesterday at the mall.
We all lost our patience with him at one point or another.
Me the most.

Finally we called it a day-- and headed to get the boys.

They wanted Don Pablos for dinner.

I complain a lot about my body not bouncing back as quickly as it did after Maddox,
but I really shouldn't complain:
I have done this to myself.

I scarfed down chips and hot sauce-- tortillas and queso-- I ate some of Lance's onions, pepper and guacamole from his fajitas and I ate a sopapilla.
All of that-- just 4 hours post sharing tortellini and marinara with my sister, salad, bread sticks and Caprese bread.
[In my defense; I started out losing weight really fast-- but that was causing my milk supply to decrease, so I pumped up the calories.
My milk is once again like thick cream... but my belly looks like a bowl of jelly.]

Beckham wanted to eat, just as we were leaving the restaurant. 
Maddox, still acting awful, wanted to go with my parents.
Both kids screaming, I fed the little one in the parking lot.
The big one kept crying.

I thought I had pacified Beckham enough to make it home.
I was wrong.

20 minutes down the road, both kids crying-- we stopped for another feed.
Again, I tried to give him just enough to make it home--
He wasn't impressed.

Because I didn't want to sit another hour in a parking lot with an exhausted toddler, (who had finally quit sulking) I decided I would go into CVS and buy binkies.

They only had one package for a baby less than 6 months old.
They were hideous.
And they cost me $17.

(Well, the binkies cost me $7... and the other $10 was for the bottle of Merlot that I grabbed as I checked out.)

The boy behind the counter wanted to ask me questions about my combination of purchase.
"So I bought wine at a drug store...."
Yeah, its a new low for me--
but come ride in my car before you judge.  ;)

CVS-boy wanted to ask me about my new baby... he then wanted to be the spokes-person for My Baby Can Read and tell me about his genius 14 month old who can identify over 40 words and who is potty trained...
He was a friendly guy-- probably younger than me, but called me sweetie (gag)--
And apparently he doesn't read faces well.
Because, frankly my dear-- I don't give a damn, should have been written all over mine.

Back in the car, Maddox fell asleep and Beckham quit crying.
Not because of that binky though-- it was a $7 bust.

Lance carried the sleeping monster in the house...
And guilt set in.
They look so sweet and peaceful when they sleep...
and I can't help but replay every negative word and frustrated look I had given him in my head.

Its a known fact that I am a fan of discipline...
however, long before Maddox was even born, I read that it is best to encourage your children with positive words about their character rather than their physical attributes, etc. and I try and hold true to that rule.
I also believe in the 10 positives for each negative rule.

Neither were accomplished yesterday.

I prayed over my boys last night--
hoping for a better game plan.

I don't want to be decent at the job I do as their mom... I want to be excellent.
But striving for excellence is why I feel like a failure after days like those.

I really wasn't beat down by yesterday, believe me-- we have had WAY worse days.
I just counted it as a loss.
I was just disappointed with myself and the way I handle the maniac he can be.

Obviously we aren't going to have perfect days.
He's going to be a rat.
The little one is still going to need a ton of my time and attention and that is trying to Maddox.
I just prayed for the best way to acknowledge him and handle these situations without feeling like I spent the entire day drowning his name and acting-a-fool!

Today was better.
However, we stayed home.

And that's really my best trick. 

Test run down...
6 days until we do this for real.

Here goes!