Monday, May 2, 2011

...and the days there-after.

I prayed and prayed for an easy infant.
I revealed to Lance, one night in an anxious spell, that I just wanted Beckham to come out 4 months old.
I told him I didn't like the infant phase, because it was terrifying.
I wasn't shy about how scared I was to mother 2 kiddos.

I am pleased to write, it has been awesome!!

I don't despise the night time feeds.
I can close my eyes without the fear of SIDS taking me over.
I'm not scared I am going to do something wrong.
I have instant love for this tiny soul.
I love to smell his breath.  Sweet and chemical-like.
I love the way he tucks his knees under him and pooches his bottom straight into the air.
I forgot how good it feels when they are instantly calmed just to hear your voice.
His skin is so soft, and his hair feels like cotton.
I love his little yawns.
He has long fingers but his feet are no competition for his brothers at birth.
I love to chat with him in the middle of the night.
I knew I would love him, but I had no idea it would be this immediate, and heavy and real.

Though Beckham has been a pleasant surprise, Maddox has thrown us for a loop.

The last few days have been better for him, but those first few were more than I ever could have ever anticipated.
Lance and I went into this building him up.
We thought we prepared him well for the new arrival, and Maddox is so mature for his age-- I didn't expect a huge battle.
We came home with a plan...
Constantly telling him how smart he is, how great of a big brother he is, how sweet, cute, special....
how happy he makes us.... etc.
but it didn't matter.

Maddox has never been a defiant kid.
Never been a fit thrower.
Never been this difficult.

This was all new to him, and completely overwhelming.
He sat in timeout, received more spankings and heard his name said in a negative connotation more in those first few days than he has in his first 2 1/2 years of life!
Lance and I had to develop a new game plan.
Because our original one sucked.
He was obviously digging for attention, negative or not... attention.

We decided to back off of our normal stricter parenting... if it wasn't going to harm Beckham-- ignore it.  (for now)
If he throws a fit... ask him to take it to his room-- and ignore it.
If it is negative-- and possible to be ignored, we do.

Each day is getting better.  As the new wears off.
We have made points to have just Maddox and Mommy time, but have accomplished more Maddox and Daddy time.  (since there is a human attached to my body most of the day)
He has gotten some special prizes from some of my friends, and Lance has treated him to a few cool gifts as well.

He loves to hold his brother-- but is over it really quickly.
He kisses him all the time, and always asks us if he can hold his "baby arm".
He loves to help, by getting me things!
He's a great big brother.
Acting out or not... he's still my sweet biscuit.

I love him a trillion- billion.

I do look forward the day when he doesn't want to throw a toy on the couch 'next to Beckham'... can play his "drum" in his room, rather than 2 feet from where Beckham is napping, and  makes better decisions than to launch his body across the bed -- landing 2" from Beckham's head.

Each day is better than its previous,
once life slows down more-- and we all rest more--
this will all be a faint memory.

Time is already flying by.
[I hate that]

We were discharged Saturday afternoon.
Left the hospital around 5:00pm.

We hopped on the fast track to a life of 4....
It hasn't slowed yet.

Sunday was Easter.
Sunday was overwhelming to me...
my milk came in (2 days earlier than it did with Maddox), my back was killing me, my uterus was still contracting every time I nursed, and I had not had a full night's rest since Tuesday.
Just as we were wrapping up Easter, the lake looked like a tsunami as a storm blew through, the trees were bent over side ways and we needed to leave to beat the storm.
Beckham had other plans.  He was hungry!
I wanted to cry looking at the rain and my 2 kids that I would have to put in my car during all of this, actually I did cry and my sweet sister-in-law helped me through.
We somehow made it out in time to miss the first storm and beat the second.
Thank you God.
Though stressful, my biscuit got to hunt eggs... so it was worth it.

Monday we had Beckham's newborn follow up with Dr Guthrie.
Our room was bombarded with all of my old co-workers wanting to see the new baby.
My Friend Diane melted my heart as she came into our room and never looked Beckham's way... she looked straight at Maddox and said, "I came to see a special big brother!"
After our appointment, the boys ran into Academy (Maddox's favorite store!) so that I could nurse in the parking lot and I called my lactation nurse, for a phone consult, because my milk was in, in full force and I was in pain and having a hard time getting a good latch.
[Lance and I literally hand pumped an ounce out, after nursing him the night before.]

Tara has found her calling-- she is an amazing lactation nurse and she put my mind at rest.
She had me run back by the hospital for some tubing so that I could pump some if I needed to.
We ate at Chili's and then almost made it home before we needed to feed again.

That night I got a really bad headache that was pulsing down my spine.
I remembered this pain.
My blood pressure was jacked again.
169/105... I paged the on call OB.
He told me to lay on my left side, take 600mg of ibuprofen and if my diastolic number was above100 in an hour, go to the ER.
Either way, I needed to be seen the next day.  (which translates into another trip into FTW. grrrrrrr.)
At the1 hour mark, my headache was still quite unbearable and my blood pressure was down to 150-something over 95-100.
Right on the cusp.
My mom called Lori (the nurse I called from Sam's when I was in labor.)
She said to take a hydrocodone (in which I never got filled because I thought they were unnecessary), stay on my left side, and put an ice pack on my head...
At the end of that hour, my blood pressure was down to 145-150/ 90ish.  My head ache was a little better, but still there.
Finally about an hour and a half into the hydrocodone (a 3 year old Rx that we happened to have)-- and 2 1/2 hours into the ibuprofen, my headache started easing up.

Tuesday we were back in Fort Worth for the blood pressure follow up.
I had to see Dr. Suba since Dr. Deem is out on Tuesdays and he thought the rise in blood pressure was in response to the headache rather than the other way around.
He said that just because I had post-partum hypertension with Maddox, doesn't mean I would have it again.
He ran a couple of labs and told me that I needed to take the hydrocodone and ibuprofen every 6 hours until my follow up on Thursday.
I was annoyed about taking a narcotic, when I really am not hurting that bad...
but he convinced me that it was safe.
He said that women put up with more pain than they should because we want to be pregnant and expect pain as a result, but if I were to slice my leg open, I wouldn't think twice about having to take a pain medication.
(I understood his reference, however-- I have only had hydrocodone one other time, the day after I had Maddox in the hospital... and rarely even take Advil.  It seemed like a lot to me.)

Wednesday we did exactly what you are suppose to do on maternity leave.  We sat.  And nursed.
And it was fabulous.

Thursday we went back to Fort Worth again for a follow up on my blood pressure.
This time I had to see Dr. Howell.
I saw him once for blood pressure issues with Maddox and he is really nice, too.
My pressure was down a little while there: 140/90.
He did not think that the elevated pressures were due to pain or headache-- he thinks this is just something I am going to have to deal with post-partumly each time!
He said that since my heart rate has been really low, the medication would "bottom me out"... and I remember how crappy it made me feel so we decided that I can come in for weekly follow ups and stay off the meds for now.
He said that if it lasts beyond the 6 weeks, we would have to start a blood pressure medication-- but I had lost another 3 pounds since my Tuesday appointment and he wondered how much of it was my body's response to fluid.
And thinks time itself, may help.
So for now, a weekly appointment is a definite beating... but it beats the meds.  For now.

After our appointment, we met my mom at Cotton Patch to eat.
After dinner, we ran to Target.
I had to get a birthday card, cake mix (Lance will only eat Duncan Hines yellow with classic chocolate icing)
While standing in the card section, reading sappy- I- love- my- husband cards, feeling emotional-- I got a panicked phone call from Lance.
Beckham was crying hard (something we had not heard from him many times) and Lance wanted me to put down my things and leave.
You would have thought this was his first rodeo!!  I tried convincing him that it wasn't hurting him to cry-- but I could tell by his urgency that Maddox and I had to kick it in high gear.
Another, hour waiting in a parking lot to feed.
Finally home.

Friday was my husband's 30th birthday.
He spent the day running errands with Maddox while Beckham and I did some great bonding, alone, at home.

I cried that night because he deserved something really special, and I was unable to give him that-- you know, being 7 days postpartum and all.

It was his 9th birthday for me to celebrate with him, and I had dreamed about this one since we got married.  The party I would throw-- all of our friends, washers, grilling out, maybe a band...
But instead we grilled pork chops at moms and had brownies..
With just my family.

(I did order him something very cool while I was in labor... but it will not be in until next week.  I went all out with the gift, since it was his 30th... I typically do not go this big.  He will be pumped!!!)

He really has been beyond amazing with the birth of Beckham.  (even better than his normal self)
And he deserves to be recognized.
That's why I cried.

He has taken Beckham from me a few times during the night when he thought a 3 hour feed was fun to do and I saw no end in sight.
He gets up every morning when Maddox wakes up and watches cartoons or whatever to keep him occupied and lets me sleep a little more.
He keeps the house clean.
He keeps the boy fed.
He runs errands.
He even grocery shopped... in which we got $120 worth of snacks and nothings.  (but I'm not complaining)

He promised me he didn't mind that Friday was relatively bland.
But I still cried.

Saturday, we celebrated Lance's big day at Joe T. Garcia's with a few friends and my family.
We were suppose to go to The Love Shack-- but they were full, so a slight change of plans and we moved down the road.
I got to drink that margarita that I had craved for nine months... and it was as good as I dreamed it would be.
I love listening to Lance and his friends tell old stories, and though I through it together last minute, we still had quite a few able to make it and of course my family always pulls through, I was happy.
We had a great time.

On the way home, we got a snow cone in Saginaw.
Snow icecream with a scoop of blue bell ice cream in it.
Simply amazing!
(Thanks to my sister for the recommendation!)

Sunday we rested.  Beckham is going through his one week growth spurt and is nursing non-stop.
That is a little exhausting, but I don't mind.
He's so sweet and peaceful.
And I love, love, love him.

I'll just be glad with that initial latch (aka: 10 seconds of hell) passes.

Today Lance and Maddox went and got donuts before I work up.
Lance and I stayed up until 1:00am watching the news that Osama Bin Laden had been killed.
Beckham woke up to nurse about 1:00 and I didn't get to rest until close to 3:00.
He woke up once during the night but only nursed a few minutes and went to sleep.
He basically slept until 7:30... which was wonderful.
After that feed, he and I napped until 10:00.

Tomorrow Candi (from my maternity pics) is coming out to take his newborn pictures. 
I am so excited to see what she is able to do with them, she is awesome.
They were scheduled for today, but the weather didn't participate the way we had planned.

Wednesday we have to head back to Fort Worth.
I have my blood pressure follow up with Dr. Deem at 11:00 and I moved Beckham's 2 week appointment up to Wednesday too so that we didn't have to turn right back around and go to Fort Worth 2 days later.
We have plans for dinner with a co-worker of Lance's that evening.

Thursday looks clear for now.  Hopefully it stays that way.

This weekend we are going camping with my parents in Oklahoma for mother's day.
We are planning on taking Maddox to Arbuckle wilderness on Saturday.
It should be fun!

Moral of the story:
We have been busy.

I want to sit.
Nurse my baby.
Play with my 2 year old.
And enjoy my husband's month off.

Thankfully I am not an anxious wreck like I was with Maddox-- or all of this 'go' business would have completely ran me into the ground.
But I still don't love it.

Hopefully our little get-away, will slow things down an make my biscuit feel special.
I'm excited for it!


  1. OMG, that baby is SO precious. LOVE him in his little Easter outfit. Praying for you on your blood pressure issues and also for the adjustment for Maddox to go smoother and smoother. GIRL, you have been busy, and you look great in that photo at Joe T's. Yummy food by the way, I LOVE that place. You are on the go after having that baby. I remember staying home for weeks on end after having Boyd. I was just scared to go anywhere. Looking back it seems like we stayed home for the first 6 months. I am guessing I would do it differently if I ever had a second one. Hoping all is going well for you. Cry when you need to. You have a lot going on! Enjoy every second, like you said, it goes by so fast. :)

  2. ps. All the pictures here are wonderful! Love that one of Maddox in the cowboy hat!

  3. Loved reading this post Holly! You have been so busy! You guys are a beautiful family...loved your boys' matching plaid shirts! You look great...and you are so blessed with that amazing husband of yours! Enjoy this precious time...things will continue to get smoother everyday.

  4. I just sit and smile as I read through all of your blogs. You have such a beautiful family and beautiful spirit. May the blessings continue to flow into your life. You are precious!