this week and Mother's Day

Tuesday
Lance was off.
We had lunch in the Stockyards, at one of my favorite places.

Maddox had a make-up football game that afternoon,
And my parents came to watch.

If I am honest,
I am ready for football to be over.
Which is weird,
because I thought I was going to cry during his last soccer game.
But I think 4 is too young to hold the attention of that many kids.
And when each play lasts approximately 2 seconds--
it is hard to hold my own attention as well.

Wednesday
Maddox had school and I decided to surprise him big, when he got home.
I pulled down Lance's old gaming things and let him play a few games.
Because our system is so old, the used games are really CHEAP!

He was excited, but honestly I lost patience pretty quickly and left him to figure it out himself...
which he didn't really.
And finally we put it up.

Thursday
I've got nothing but a couple of videos that I am sure will not load...
So I will skip them.

Friday
I had an appointment with my talented sister-in-law to get rid of a few inches of my hair and add some life to its color.
As I was loading the car, I saw on my cousin's IG that they had 2 showing already set up for their home on Friday.
I thought, with my luck, we too would have a request to see the house while I was in Paradise and too far to get it show-ready; so I went back in and cleaned.
Thankfully I did.
We had another showing.
(but no response yet)

The weather was awesome.
The kids love playing together and I love hanging out with my SIL.
Which makes me really hope our house sells so we can do it more often.

Randi mentioned Babe's sounding good, and I couldn't get it out of my head.
I called Lance and he met me there.

Afterward, we walked down to a little vintage candy shop and icecream parlor.
We split a rootbeer and all picked a candy.
It was fun.

We ran into a neighbor at the gas station when we were leaving,
so we went down to their house and the kids rode bikes while Lance played catch with our friends.

Friday was one of my favorite days.

Saturday
Maddox had football.
Our friend Kaleb was in from Austin for Mother's Day so he, his mom, and his nephew came to watch.

We had lunch at Lance's store afterward and then the kids and I came home.
We all started getting really snotty and I had a terrible headache so I assume they did too.

I made a big dinner.
Grilled porkchops, sweet potatoes, squash, zucchini, onions, mushrooms and corn on the cob.
I cleaned the house back to show-standards and waited on Lance to join us.

The kids ate about 3 bites of porkchop and Lance had already ate, so he had none.

I was so mad-- that I cleaned the kitchen and went straight to bed.

Sunday was Mother's Day.
I had to work.
Which is silly-- because I actually make the weekend schedule for work, but I didn't realize the day I scheduled myself was Mother's Day, so I didn't even hold a drawing like I usually do to make it fair.
I wasn't uber-bummed though, because I was working with Candace, one of my best friends, and we can pretty much make anything fun.

However, I stopped at Starbucks on the way in and my straw was broke and I couldn't suck anything out.
I figured that out as I spilled it all over my car.

Work was a bit of an off day?!  (to say it politely) and Candace and I got our feelings hurt pretty badly while we were there.
On Mother's Day...

I just had one of those shifts where I even wondered... am I even suppose to be in nursing anymore?
When did I go from the nurse who trains people-- is reliable-- and helpful...
to the one who has no idea how to log into to the EHR system?  

The doctors had sent us flowers for Nurse's week, so I had a pretty view-- but to keep with the theme of the morning; I accidentally left them there.

I cried almost the whole drive home, because I felt like such a loser.

I  pulled into my house, ready to see my chicklins and it was demolished!
My FIL graciously helped up with the kids for the 3 hours that Lance's schedule and mine crossed and though I was very thankful for his help--

the mess sent me spiraling.

They ate Maddox's lunchables for the week-- instead of the still untouched leftovers from the night before.
Maddox filled the toilet to the brim while he tried to wiped his hiney-- because he said Papa was too embarrassed to help him.
I didn't realize B had poop on when I got home and I put him down for a nap and he woke up with a blistered and painful bottom.

He could not stop crying.
I could not stop crying.

I entered myself in a Mother's Day contest for a gold and pearl monogram bracelet and I sent Lance a screenshot saying something a little tacky, on the lines of, "I better win this.  I deserve it today."

Lance claims to not understand social media--
although he uses it from time to time to randomly push his own agenda.

He had told me to leave the house as it was and he would clean it up when he got here-- but he knows me better than that.

Through tears and frustration, I got it back in order...
And sometime in that mix, mother nature granted me her hello-- which honestly, made more sense of my emotions.

Lance sent me a text telling me that he was going to leave work early and take me to dinner and he was sorry about my day.
He said, "I also entered you to win that bracelet... and I love you."

I popped over to Crystal Faye's IG and saw this:

I went hysterical.
Bawling that ugly cry... and could not get it together.

Lance is terrible at sharing his emotions.
He rarely ever reads my blog-- and he definitely doesn't praise me for it.
He treats me great-- and he is an exceptional dad-- but words of affirmation are very far and few between.
And since that happens to be my love language by a mile--
reading this was better than any flowers, gifts, or fancy dinner that he could have offered me.

While trying to get us all ready-- Maddox decided he hated his shorts.
He threw a fit like I haven't seen from him in years.
Crying, kicking and screaming like he was possessed.

I wasn't even mad.
I was past the point of caring about anything-- and I was about one more minute away from letting him leave in his Lego "Star Warriors" underwear.

I asked him why he was acting that way-- and then said, "It is Mother's Day.  Could you please not ruin this and just put the shorts back on."
I know better than that.
Maddox is me.

I throw fits, yes.... but that is not what I mean.
...I also take every word spoken to me very personal.

Lance was home at this point and ended up spanking Maddox and put him on his bed and told him that when he could get his tears under control he could get off his bed.
But he wouldn't stop.
I went back in to ask him if he was finished throwing a tantrum but he was drenched in tear, gasping and in that cry where there's no way out of it.
The same one I was in, just an hour before.

He said he was so, so, sorry that he had ruined my special day and he wanted to make it better.  He said that is why he was crying so hard, because he was so disappointed in himself.  "He ruined mother's day".  He said that he wanted to be happy, but every time he put his feet on the carpet his tears were coming again.
He wanted me to carry him to the hallway-- because he thought the carpet was making him cry.


"He ruined my Mother's Day."  he said it again, and again.
He saw me crying earlier...  it was his fault, he thought.

Obviously it wasn't-- and I couldn't leave him thinking that--
So then I had to explain why I even get to celebrate this day.

I didn't go into the Pitocin, and labor pains of hell that I endured from him.
I didn't mention pushing a 6 month old out of my vagina that day and fearing pooping like it was a sword of fire thereafter.  
I didn't tell him about his brother's 31 hours of labor, 52 hours of sleep I didn't have before he came-- and the 2 years and 3 weeks of sleep that I still have not had.
I didn't mention my blood pressure issues that could have killed me after both of their births--
The house that hasn't been cleaned since.
The expenses...
Or the tears that I have shed for both of them.
I didn't tell him that I don't get to pee alone any more.
Or eat a sucker that I find...
Or bathe in silence.
I didn't explain that I don't ever stop worrying... ever...
or that I would trade my last breath for another one of theirs-- as cliche as it sounds.
I didn't tell him that parenting is work.
And harder than anyone warned me about.
Nor did I tell him that my own mother was right.
"I do understand, now I have my own children"

But I did tell him about the joy that he gives me.
That he put me into a club of exceptional women-- that I dreamed my whole life to be a part of.
I told him that we prayed specifically for him,
and God gave us something better.
I told him that when I kiss him, my heart gets bigger.
I explained to him that being a mommy is my most important and prized title...
And I thanked him for giving me that.
Something that no one else could.

So we both cried.
Again.
Ugly, messy, snotty, tears.

Then we had dinner at a little Mexican joint in Keller, since tortilla soup sounded good on my sore throat.

And then we went to a park nearby and played.
Which happens to be one of my favorite things...

The boys gave me a card, some flowers, and Lance wrote me a "check" telling me to buy something that I have been talking bout for months but never want to spend the money on.

Which I still probably wont.
But he heard me...
And that means a lot.

And somehow, he was able to turn my train wreck of a day into one of my favorites!

Which is one of the many reasons I love him.

And I love them-- the boys who give me the opportunity to celebrate that day.

And my mom--
Who taught me how to do it.