Monday, February 6, 2012

In case you feel the same way...

We were so busy last week with the museum on Wednesday, Stock Show on Thursday, spending the night at my mom's on Friday, work Saturday morning, as well as church and dinner with friends that evening.
Yesterday was the Super Bowl, and dinner at my mom's....
I am out of groceries...
My kids both have colds.
Beckham is teething and has learned to say "uh-oh" which is an appropriate description for his mood.
Maddox is naked right now... because I don't want to risk waking sir-cries-a-lot, to get him dressed, and I am trying with all I have to not repeat the day with him today, that we had yesterday.

We have had a couple of rough days, to say the least...
Where everyone's crying....

Including me.

My husband has been far from encouraging...
and I think that is the hardest part.

I know that every mom reading this knows what I am talking about....

It is probably like #2 on our job description....
Keep everyone else going.

But sometimes, wouldn't it be nice for someone to first notice that things are hard, before you have to plead your case tell them, and secondly, offer support without advice or criticism?

Motherhood is hard work.
So is marriage.

Lance and I were up until midnight, "talking".
I slept so far on the edge of the bed, it was more accurate to say I slept on the nightstand.

Let's not pretend like he noticed though, as soon as he was layed back against the pillow, he was snoring.
I stayed awake a bit longer....
Plotting my revenge.  thinking.

Finally asleep, I dreamed I was giving marital advice to some of our friends who are splitting up right now, telling them that marriage is work but worth the fight and explaining all of the great things about being married.

God's a funny guy, I think.

But awake again,
I'm not over it.
Any of it.

While scrubbing counter tops, with a scowl on my face, I stopped and checked my email.
Because I know many of you have had the same type days as myself, I thought I would share my email.

It sure made me feel better.
And maybe it will be helpful to you as well.

I am sending this to my 2 favorite moms: one who constantly inspires me with her blog and the other who is my guardian angel, always sending me texts at the exact moment I start my pity parties.  I want you to know that you ladies are amazing mothers and I immediately thought of you both when I read this story.  Keep up the amazing job you are doing shaping your childrens' lives.

~Amy Lou


One of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone  and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't  you see I'm on the phone?' 


       Obviously not; no one  can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the  floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no  one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some  days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix  this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? 


       Some days I'm not a  pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask,  'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What  number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right  around 5:30,  please.'


       Some days I'm a  crystal ball; 'Where's my other sock?, Where's my phone?,  What's for dinner?' 


       I was certain that  these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that  studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.  She's going, she's going, she's gone! 


       One night, a group of  us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from  England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and  she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.

I was  sitting there, looking around at the others all put together  so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.  I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a  beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'  It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't  exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her  inscription: 'With admiration for the greatness of what you  are building when no one sees.' 


       In the days ahead I  would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what  would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I  could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2) These  builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never  see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no  credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their  faith that the eyes of God saw  everything.


       A story of legend in  the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral  while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny  bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the  man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into  a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see  it And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' 


       I closed the book,  feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if  I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you. I see the sacrifices  you make every day, even when no one around you  does.


       No act of kindness  you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've  baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a  great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will  become.


       I keep the right  perspective when I see myself as a great builder.

As one of  the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be  on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no  cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there  are so few people willing to sacrifice to that  degree.


       When I really think  about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing  home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in  the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes  a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the  table.' That would mean I'd built a monument to myself. I just  want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything  more to say to his friend, he'd say, 'You're gonna love it  there...'


       As mothers, we are  building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it  right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will  marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that  has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible  mothers.


       Share this with all  the Invisible Moms you know... I just  did.


       The Will of God will  never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. 


       To all the wonderful  mothers and grandmothers out there!!  God bless and  keep you.

As I am about to hit 'post', I got a message from my husband saying, "I'm sorry for last night. I love you."
I am going to accept it.  Because life runs more smoothly that way.

But because I know my husband, and in the past decade I can count his apologies on one hand...
I am taking a pot to see if he even knows *what* he's sorry for.
I've got $50 on no. ;)

At least he gave effort.

It is now my job to let it go.
And grasp a hold of a new day.

I am hoping this nap re-sets my screaming teether.
And he awakes again as my quiet little snuggle-bug, who loves to clap and smile .
The 3 year old is being much-much better today, for sure.

Thank. You. Lord.

Today is better.

[But in case things flip out of whack again.... I get to go to work in 3 hours and Lance gets to play mommy.]
Anyway you look at it... things are going up!!


  1. Love this!! But warn a girl next time! I got to the thanksgiving part and now am in my office crying! Hope your day continues to get better! Joe and I had the almost same "talk" y'all had last pm!!!

  2. Oh girl, I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of days. It's so hard to be mom and to keep everyone else going sometimes.

    And then when you and hubs aren't on great terms, not fun. not easy. things run so much smoother when your marriage is going great, but you are right, that takes work too.

    I know it's not funny, but i cracked up at your description of sleeping on the nightstand while your husband went right to snoring. isn't that the truth! every single time. hahaha.

    hope tomorrow is a better day girlfriend. thinking of you.

  3. Thank you!

    I know some people don't like for you to to be so raw when you blog... and I get that... but if I didn't tell it like it was, I'd feel like a poser. I have to be honest... and besides, it makes me feel like I am being heard.
    Once I am heard, I am usually over it!!

    {I am sure if my marriage was *really* on the rocks, I'd be slower to dissect little spats in front of the world... but I think we have a pretty good foundation-- and even I can admit, some of it is funny!}

    Tonight was so much better... and I am taking Mr grumpy to the doctor tomorrow to make sure it is just teething making him act so ugly. He vomited 3 times from all of the snot this evening, so I'd feel better, with it being RSV season and all.

    The chocolate chip cookies and cold milk helped too! ...but it always does! ;)

  4. Yesterday I ran my BUTT off all day long, like a mad woman. Errands, cooking, cleaning, phone calls, picking up meds that weren't ready, back home, playing with Boyd, more cleaning, dinner almost ready, Boyd fed, Kevin home, off to pick up meds again, 1 hour at CVS....basket case when I got home. Kevin got upset b/c I used the bene card to pay for meds....told me that card was full....guess I should be a mind reader. No thanks for the yummy dinner, picking up meds, yada yada yada. Yeah, bad night! I totally can relate to this post. Forgiving and moving on does make it easier, but that is hard to do. Life does run more smoothly without arguments, I HATE them. ugh. Things are fine this morning around here, hopefully at your house too. :) xoxo.

  5. It wouldn't be a Holly blog if it wasn't real. You make me feel safe in posting some of my raw moments, like today. Keep it up!

  6. Thank you for your sweet comments yesterday! They mean a lot.

    AND, now I want Joe Ts. I never think of going there for lunch. hmmmm....I think I will be going very soon. :)

  7. Thank you so much for sharing this! So moving and wonderful! I loved where it said. "I just want him to WANT to come home!" I will be sharing this with some friends too. Hope that is okay!