With another baby on the way, it is easy to feel like Maddox is so big.
But he's not.
He's barely two.
He's still tiny.
I love him more than anything worldly,
And I just want to keep him little.
Yesterday we went to a birthday party for some friends of our's little girl, Jalynn.
She was turning one.
Maddox had so much fun jumping in the princess bounce house, beating at the pinata and climbing up and sliding down the swing set a million times.
He looked so cute in his little rock and roll t-shirt and his little skull and crossbone vans...
He just looked big.
My baby seemed older than 2, and happy to his core.
While sliding, I walked over to check on him and he had dirt all over his face and knees and hands. I said, "did you fall buddy?" He said, "yeah mommy- but I okay." and went back to climbing the ladder to the top of the slide with a smile from ear to ear.
I, without realizing that there were 2 older boys (probably 7and 8) and 2 bigger girls (probably 4 and 5) playing with him, said, "can I have a kiss?" and he said, "sure momma!" and laid one on my lips!!
I was happy in that moment that he's still a baby... but it hurt my feelings too.
There will be a day that I would have been way out of line even asking.
There will be a day he won't kiss me in public.
There will be a day he won't kiss my lips at all...
Oh Lord..... keep him little.
Last night Lance worked 16 hours straight.
He made it home around 7:00 this morning.
I felt like I had not slept at all when he finally made it in. (worrying about him driving home being so tired)
Maddox woke up at 9:00 and I was exhausted.
Like a worthless mom, I turned on KERA cartoons and fell back asleep.
When I woke up, Maddox had opened and conquered a poptart by himself, (crumbs everywhere), a package of fruit snacks (that I vaguely remember being brought to me and asked for), and was dipping my toothbrush into his cup of water. (He recently figured out how to get ice and water from the refrigerator).
Not the most healthy breakfast, but independent he proved himself.
He seems so grown up sometimes....
It hurts my heart.
Lord, keep him little.
I'm sure no mom wants their kid to hurt.
But it makes me ill that one day he will.
One day I will not be able to control his environment.
And I try...
I try hard.
He is mine to protect.
I do my best to shelter him now... while I can.
I surround him with love and compassion.
And try and shelter his eyes.
The only people he knows at this point in his life are those that want to know him back.
The people who adore his presence and make efforts to be a part of his world.
I dread the day he realizes that the world isn't even...
that not everyone cares what his world is about.
That life isn't all butterflies and rainbows.
That people are mean...
That families aren't fair...
That your heart actually can break...
It was him that made me realize that I didn't need to prove myself to anyone. I hold a prize more valuable than diamonds, more precious than gold-- and no one can ever take that from me....
I never ever ever want him to feel inadequate.
I just want him to stay little.