I have something to say...

I have something to say to a little boy whom I loved.
A little boy who probably grew up a little faster than his friends,
And who maybe witnessed more than other little boys did.
A little boy who went on to walk his mom down the isle
and assured his sister it was a great move.

I have something to say to a little boy who could only use the restroom at home.
Who couldn't take a decent picture if his life depended on it.
A boy who, in the 3rd grade, saved up his money to buy me a good $8 toy from Santa's Secret workshop, even though I only got him a 25 cent globe key chain.
A boy who would get covered in poison ivy at the shear mention of the word.
Who woke up earlier than me on Christmas morning, looked at all of our gifts and then came and woke me up so I could see too.
The boy who let me believe in Santa until I was probably too old.
Who shot a million baskets every spring, rode a million miles on his bike each summer, and who kept our freezer full of deer meat each fall.
The last kid in kindergarten who learned to skip.
And the first one to end up in the ER every year with bone injuries or stitches.

I have something to say to the teenager who hated me to his core, but still secretly took care of business when he knew I needed him.
Who kept me from going to prom my freshman year...
Who tried to convince my mom I was a lesbian...
Who drove 30mph every where we went, with Metallica, Ozzy Osborne, or Pantera blaring so loud that I could feel it thumping in my soul.
The boy who threatened to tell on me every time I messed up.  But never did.
And who let me climb into his bed in the middle of the night and sleep because I was in tears and scared to death, and never made fun of me for it.

I have something to say to the young man who put himself through police academy while working a full time job.
Who has only had 2 jobs in his life because he only knows how to be loyal.
Who would rather fish than breathe.
Who watches ESPN on repeat.
Who married his best friend, a perfect fit for him-- and great friend for me.
A man who finally decided we could be friends.
And who has a work ethic like nobody I've known.

I have something to say to the man who's exterior is hard as stone.
Who isn't that funny, but laughs at my jokes.
Who is straight-laced and who rarely (if ever) breaks the rules.
A man with zero patience.
And crazy ideas.
A man with a plan, typically an extreme plan, that I usually think is dumb.
A man who gets an idea in his head and can not let it go, and the best way to deal with it is to pacify it and hope it goes away.
A man who writes down the NFL draft on napkins, just to throw away later.
And yelps like a little girl, jumps up and down and takes losses personal when watching sports on TV.

I have something to say to the man who sold his prized bass boat to prepare for his first child.
Who looked at that baby girl with limitless joy while a frozen tear sat at the end of his nose.
Who fought like hell to get me in that delivery room so I could have a piece of his happiness.
A man who would give me his last dollar if I needed it.  But would make me pay it back.
A man who would make sure my son had everything if I was ever not there to provide for him.  I have no doubt he would work 6 jobs, and never mention a word of it to him.
A man who looks at my son the way I do, with pure bliss and a crooked smile.
Who gave my son a life-long best friend, another boy, just 6 weeks younger than Maddox
A man with a tattoo on his arm, for not only his own 2 kids-- but for mine too.
A man who loves to save money just as much as his wife loves to shop with it!

I have something to say to a man of character.
A man who won rookie of the year as a police officer.
And who ran into gun fire to save a woman's life, receiving a medal of valor.  But will probably never tell you about it, because he just doesn't boast.
A man who spent hours at home, off the clock, putting together a program for the local schools.
A man who would never cheat.
A man who can always be trusted.

I have something to say to the man who paced his steps on my wedding day.
Who was just as nervous as I was on the day I delivered Maddox.
Who was waiting at my house ready to hold him when we came home from the hospital.
And who still, as an adult, can not take a decent picture-- even though he tries so hard!!

I have something to say to a man who was changed last year when he lost a friend, a fellow officer in the line of duty.
A man that doesn't realize that I too was changed with that horrific news.  You see, time stool still as these 2 officers shared the same name, we sat numb and terrified until my mom got the phone call, "I can't talk, but it wasn't me, I'm okay"
A man who doesn't know that I still cry sometimes thinking about it; first sick: worrying that it could have been him and how empty I would feel now and secondly guilty: that I have relief when I remind myself it wasn't him.  Because another great guy died for a profession that is dangerous and under payed and under appreciated.

I have something to say to someone I put high on a pedestal.
My first friend,
Who always protected me,even when he didn't like me,
A person I can trust always,
Whom I love to my core,
and one of my heroes in life.

I have to say happy 29th birthday to my brother Weeder.
I hope your day is wonderful....
You deserve it!

15 weeks

[As much as I love to keep my family informed, this blog is also a journal for me.  
Something that I can look back on, and keep track of my life, my pregnancy, and of course of that sweet thing I call Maddox.
I hope these pregnancy statistics don't drive you mad... they are really for my future memory]

Here are a few pics from this morning, before we headed out.  (pardon the crappy camera I used today)

Today we had our 15 week appointment with Dr Deem.
Lance had traded today for Sunday so that he could be off to watch Maddox trick or treat, so he had to miss it.  :(
This was the first OB appointment that he has ever missed.
I was a little apprehensive about going alone, you know- just messing with our jive-
but all was good.

I know he hated not being there, just as much (if not more) than I missed him being there.
If you know Lance, you know he's a hands-on daddy...
and he hates to miss out.
But luckily nothing cool happened this appointment.
I declined my quad-screen again...
So honestly, we just chatted.  About the Christmas in Cowtown, my headband, and our kids Halloween costumes...
have I mentioned that I love my OB doctor! 

She was able to find the heart beat right away.  (thank you Lord)  A strong and health 146bpm.
My blood pressure was perfect.
I had gained 2lbs this time. (So I am now up to 126.)

I haven't reached my132-starting-weight that I began Maddox's pregnancy with, but I feel like I'm on a faster tract to chubby, so I am sure I will blow my 20lb total weight gain out of the water.
At 5'8" I think I can safely go 30... anything more than that might be difficult to get off.
Though Dr Deem feels as if I am doing fine, I think I need to start being a bit more cautious.
She asked me if I was craving anything in particular... sweet... salty??
I said I am craving FOOD. Bad food.  I want sweets.  I want salty.  I want fried.  I want bad.  I want it at midnight.  I want it now.
This is the road to destruction that scares me.  Bad habits.  But I am hungry I tell you! I'm hungry!!

The most exciting thing that came out of today's visit, was the scheduling of our next visit.
The one that we find out the sex!
3 weeks will fly by (I hope!)
I. can. not. wait!!!

*****
My friend Amanda met me at McDonalds so that I wouldn't have to man-handle Maddox alone at my appointment.
I was back to her with in 3o minutes but we ended playing 2 1/2 hours.
The kids had a blast together!  (Maddox loves Katie and "Wucas")

Maddox fed Katie a little icecream!

And they played hide-and-seek.              

I really appreciated Amanda meeting me, but I enjoyed my mommy-time even more!
All 3 of our kids were perfect, so it couldn't have been a better day.

After play-time, we ran over to work for our flu vaccines.
Maddox got the flu mist and I got a preservative-free immunization.
I'll tell you, no one makes me feel like I have a cuter kid than those girls I work with.  They oohed, and awed, and laughed and played with him... and of course Maddox pulled out all of the stops!                                                 
We then had dinner with mom at Don Pablos and came home to watch the Rangers lose. :(
It made me sick to watch-- but I have to keep in mind that they lost game one against the Yankees too... We've got this!!

Rangers win!!!!!!!!!!!

Texas Rangers win game 6.

Which completely trumps my crappy day....

I love Josh Hamilton (remember my post about him)
and he won MVP
wooo hooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also love Nolan Ryan....
I loved watching this series with my family.
Good dinner and good times.
Memories made.
Pounds gained!

I would do just about anything to get my husband tickets to a World Series game....
but maybe we'll just have a big cookout one night.

I can't wait!

TGIF

1.
Add Spoiled but Not Rotten on FB.
It is fabulous!
Maybe even my favorite site right now...
Deals. Deals. Deals.
On clothes, shoes, toys, diapers, etc....
and just in time for Christmas!

2.
Lance put in a request to move to days.  (6-2 rather than 2-10)
He knew it was a stretch since they were sent an e-mail a few months back that transfers were on a freeze.
And since 2 other people on his shift had been denied the move...
But it was worth a shot.
Wednesday night, he got a call from his sargent.
Request: APPROVED!!
It will not go into effect into November, but I can not tell you how excited I am!!
This was an incredibly sweet move from my husband, because if he were to get completely honest with me-- this was for me, not him.
He loves the people he works with, he loves the officers that he works under, and he is really respected with his crew.
I know Lance hates change, and I am sure he feels like he will have to start all over to get the respect he has on nights, but like I told him-- he got to where he is by himself.  No one got Lance the position, no one knew anything about him when he started.  He is training other officers and considered a go-to-guy because he graduated top of his class, he works hard, and he is dependable.
He will do the same on days.

**But the awesome part:

• We can have dinner together again!  You have no idea what a loss that is.  We have breakfast together now.  But I can not wait to eat dinner.  As a family!
• He will be home by 3:00 everyday-- and rarely anything happens before that!  He can go with me to weddings, parties or anything else that we are invited to that starts after noon.  (which is everything) 
• Holidays.  I feel like he will get more out of them.  It will feel like more time together.
• Cookouts.  We love to have people over to grill, but Lance's schedule doesn't allow us to do that anymore.  Now we can.
• Together, we will be able to get Maddox on a "normal kid" sleep schedule.  Right now Lance doesn't get home until after 11:00, I am on call most nights until 11:00-- our clock is a little shifted in comparison to the rest of the world's.  But with a baby coming-- a normal clock is perfect timing!
• Lance can keep the babies when I go back to work.  Mom keeps Maddox 2 nights a week for me now-- but if we have to  move back into our home in Haslet, there's no way she will be able to do that.  (not to mention, an almost 3 year old plus a newborn is too much to ask her to do while working a full time job)  I probably will continue to work my Saturday mornings... and mom and I will just have to figure that out once it comes.  I know my Nana has offered to help too-- so between everyone, I think we can get it taken care of!

3.
We are going to my parents tonight to eat, watch the Ranger game and my SIL is going to do my hair!
[Oh the perks of your hair dresser being a family member.]
We are making cheese enchiladas, beef enchiladas, tacos and rice and beans....
This preggo chick's mouth is watering just thinking about it.
ummmmm.... MEXICAN FOOD!
I am so stressed about the Ranger game.
I hope they win.
I love Josh Hamilton.
I love that they celebrated with Gingerale on his behalf.
It made me cry.
Watch Josh Hamilton's I am Second story.
I love I am second.
http://www.iamsecond.com/#/seconds/Josh_Hamilton/

4.
I believe in miracles.
I hope that doesn't become a statement that haunts me in some way.
But its heavy on my heart and I thought I should share.
I believe in miracles; prayer begging, God willing, science not-following, jaw dropping miracles.
I love to hear stories of them... it keeps my faith alive, it gives me chills, and it makes my heart smile.
I seriously have heard 5 or 6 separate ones over this last week, and I just wanted to say it out loud.
You know, in case sometime in my future I am down and out and Lance is about to pull the plug...
Call my Aunt Missy, and have her pray over me-- (she's a crazy-miracle believer too) and then everyone believe too... or leave. 

Here's one of the stories I saw:
http://www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx?s=%2Fvod%2FSAF13v5_WS

5.
Our fall party the other night was a blast, but leaving the front and back door open for better air flow was a big mistake.
There are 632 flies in my house and I do not have a fly swatter.
I would hang one of those disgusting sticky fly things at this point, because I am about to pull my hair out.
I need a malaria net to protect me and my boy.
These things are gross.

Oh, and the cupcakes:
Maddox is willing to break his neck to get to them!
He's a sneaky one...

That boy!

Autumn harvest

Tuesday afternoon, while heading to Walmart for groceries, I had a splendid idea... "Lets invite over our family for dinner and to decorate pumpkins tomorrow night!"
Lance didn't think many of them would be able to make it, with it being in the middle of the week (and a school night for my oldest niece and nephew) but since Wednesday nights are really the only night that Lance and I can do anything, we thought it was worth a try.
We knew my mom and sister could make it, so even if that's all that came, it would still be a good time.
But to our surprise, most everyone was able to make it!
Jenn, G, Landry and Dane came

Weeder, Randi, Ellie and Gunner.

Our BFF's Wendy and Pepper came too, with their kiddos Cooper and Madi.

My sister had class, but she somehow wiggled herself out of there early and her, Karleigh, Jesse, and Jennifer showed up too, pumpkins in hand!

And even Papaw came.  (David is out of state on work, so he missed the festivities)

This next picture makes me laugh, because I said to my brother, "me and mom both sported our leggings tonight, get our picture!"
(we could be naked from the waist down and you'd be none the wiser-- I think he missed the point!)

For dinner:
I made chicken and steak kbobs, wild rice, fresh carrots and potatoes in mushroom gravy, mom made her yummy potato salad and homemade mac'n'cheese... (thankfully mom came down and cut up the raw meat for me! I made a good attempt, but couldn't stop gagging long enough to get anything done!) AND she actually made the rice for me too, now that I think about it!  Lance grilled burgers and smoked sausage too, so  there was quite a variety!

Mom made a pineapple upside down cake, Allison and Wendy brought cookies, and Randi brought mini cupcakes.

I made these caramel apples, but we forgot about them until most everyone had left.  :(

After dinner, we went pumpkin crazy!

 Here are a few of the finished pumpkins... (L-R: Randi, Jennifer and Karleigh)

Allison's was a super-cute skull and crossbones, but apparently she gave up on it since I found it 1/2 finished on the back table this morning.
Wendy's and Jenn's were probably the cutest, but somehow I missed the photo-opp on both of them. :(
Mine was suppose to be a scary castle... it just looked like a scary mess!

The younger kids played, more than they messed with the pumpkins, but they had so much fun together.

Maddox crawled into my lap tired and whimpering last night after everyone left... He was saying, "I miss my Elwie, I miss my Dane and I miss my Weeder!"

The boys stayed by the grill or the tv..... which is why this is the only picture I have of Lance!

All in all, our fall night, was a complete success!!
I hope everyone had as much fun as we did...
If anything, it proved to me that we need to get the cousins around each other more-- they had such a great time together!!
...And with our new, exciting news-- we should be able to more often! ;)

A couple random thoughts:

1. I think this fiesta was the only thing that would light a match under our hineys enough to get that back room finally finished and put together, the yard mowed and porches cleared, and the final boxes that we have had no place to put, stored away in the shed... So the party ended up as a 2-fer, but our house is finally in order and I am sooooo thankful!
2. I would love to thank Randi and Karleigh for washing all the dishes last night and putting my kitchen/ house back in order.  I can not tell you how much I appreciated that!
3. I still feel sick that Maddox broke Ellie's brand new $18 headband.  Sorry Randi.
4. I think it is funny that I am surrounded by creative girls... my mom, Randi, Jenn and myself all enjoy being creative, and personally-- I think we are all good at it too-- we should put our minds together and get rich somehow!!
5. My toe (that Gunner dropped a 72 pound rock on) and my head (that Dane threw a football at 72mph) both feel great today! :)
6. I was annoyed because I only had enough room on my big camera for a few pics since my card was full... but I didn't want to delete any either because I haven't backed them up to my external hard drive yet.  And my little camera died, mid-party.  :( I took some on other people's cameras, but of course that doesn't help me here! -- but I guess the 634 I posted were plenty!

there's the bump

Friday night, as I put on my nightgown and got ready for bed, I realized there was a little something new on my body.
A bump.
A real pregnant-looking bump!
I *hoped* this was end-of-the-day bloating.... (since I had a wedding for one of my best-est-est friends from high school Saturday evening.)
I already had an outfit picked out to wear, and a bump would not be welcomed in it....

But morning came--
and it was still there!

Dr. Deem told me that my uterus was pointed towards my back and at some point my baby would be to big to keep going backwards and I would wake up with a bump...

[She wasn't lying.]

So after work I ran around Ridgmar looking for something to disguise my new body.

**Easier said than done.**

I'm not big enough for maternity clothes yet, but this lump-of-love still just looks like I have no self-control at the dinner table!  So, finding a cut that didn't touch my midsection was incredibly difficult.
At times, I thought about throwing myself on the floor and crying.... but I refrained!
I am not a fan of shopping alone so I had to text my mom pics...
Her and I do not always have the same taste, but she was major help!


Me:

Mom:  no to black top, yes to plaid.
Me:

Mom: no
Me:

Mom: yes!
Me: Of course, this one is over $100. :(

Together we decided on this one:
[A $60 dress, on sale for $40. Deal.]  

Because this:

Concealed this

Well enough!

Friday High Five

*
I am not a fan of the new Blogger layout-- they way the picture takes up 1/2 my screen but I do LOVE the new stats tab on here!
I think it is UBER interesting and fun to read through!

Here are a few stats from June 2010 until today:

• I have had 1469 views; 20 of those being people from Canada, 18 from Russia, 17 from Denmark, 10 from the UK, and a handful of people from the Netherlands, Latvia, China, Germany and Spain.

• You can't tell who looks at your blog but if they found you through a search engine or through a friend's blog, it does track that.

• With that said, I should thank Kasie- since 52 people looked at my blog from hers over the last 4 months and 30 have come to mine from Adrianne's!

• Here are a few words people searched which brought them to my blog: "Erwin journey", "the erwin life holly maddox lance", "holly erwin", and the 2 kickers: "Holly Erwin anxiety" and "spanking mom".  ...YAY, that's awesome!  I don't know which one makes me feel worse!  

**
I was invited to 2 separate weddings this weekend.  Both, I would have to attend dateless.

• On Saturday, My friend Katie La from high school is marrying Scott Smith, her Junior High- High School boyfriend.  They broke up our senior year and then met back up after college.  I think it is kind of a Cinderella story... and hope a lifetime of happiness to them.  
• On Sunday, My BFF's sister-in-law, Meghanne is marrying her fiance Justin.  I could actually quote you a page on them and my hopes for their future (since I 'helped' write Wendy's speech), but I'll save it for the guests of attendance!  Their wedding is Halloween inspired and costumes are mandatory.  I feel bad for retracting my RSVP to this one-- because I know it will be an awesome time, but with my parents out of town-- I thought leaving Maddox 2 days in a roll was a stretch.  

***
Friday is my most dreaded day of the week.  I know it is dumb-- because its everyone else's favorite day but its not mine.  Lance works evenings, the rest of the world goes to dinner or does fun things, but I sit at home.  I don't work on Fridays, so it makes the day. go. by. so. slow.
With that said, I could never be a 100% SAHM.  I have crazy respect for the moms who can, but I need me-time.  I need to feel important a few hours a week.  I need a doctor to tell me thanks at the end of a shift for the help that I provided them or a mom to tell me how much I have helped her while on call.  At home, all that I do often gets overlooked.  Maybe selfish, but I need affirmation.

So its Friday, and I have nothing to do.  Tonight is my high school's homecoming.  If my parents were in town, I would have my dad go with me to wrangle Maddox because I think he would enjoy going to a football game... But I'm not brave enough to go alone.

I may go buy stuff to make cookies... and maybe Maddox and I will have a sleepover at Gigi's.  But then again, leaving for something so simple seams worthless.  I hate to venture out with Maddox, alone. 


 ****
Christmas is 78 days away.
I have found a gift for the grandmothers, and I think it is going to be to-die-for, but I have not ordered them yet.
As for the men... who knows?
Men are so hard.
I haven't even started looking for the nieces or nephews yet, but they're usually the easiest to buy for!

I typically do not go big on Maddox, for several reasons.

1. I never want Christmas to be about what he gets.  I decided before he was born that I wanted to instill the reason for the season, and never let it turn into a wish list that he feels he deserves.  Christmas is the season of giving, and bigger than that, it is the celebration of the birth of Jesus.  The last 2 years, Santa brought him about 4 gifts.  That's it.
2. Some parents buy a billion presents for their kids, and that is their prerogative.  I have a friend that would break apart gifts so that she could wrap even more presents under the tree.  Again, I'm not dissing her, just saying that is not my style. I hate junk.  I hate clutter.  He has a million too many toys as it is.  I would rather buy 4 quality gifts that I have put thought into, and know that he will enjoy, rather than have a million for looks.
3. He has the largest family known to man.  (and I have to buy for each of them)  They all love him to pieces and they all buy him toys.  If I add a big Christmas to that, that's way too much money out of my pocket, plus it is just unnecessary in my book.  Santa keeps it simple in the Erwin house.

With all of that said, this is the first year that I have a billion thing I would love to get him, so I really need to think about which I am going to get.  I typically buy only educational gifts... So of course those top my list:

• My Baby Can Read is now at WalMart!  Because he loves letters so much, I really want to start this program with him.  I truly think I can have him reading by 3.  So this one tops my list.  I think its about $70.
• I also want to the Toy Story Learn and Go.  Its a little handheld game thing that's only $15.  I think it says for 4 and up but its letters and shapes and other stuff like that, so I think he can handle it.
• I would also like to get him a Leapster.  I think they are  somewhere between $40-$50.  But, I found a website who has the games for  $4.99 PLUS 25% off!!!  And he could get more games as he gets older.  (this website has other AMAZING offers if you want it!)

As for non-educational:

• He LOVES to play instruments.  He is constantly singing into a bulb syringe, pretending it is a microphone, playing with Lance's Rock Band guitar, making a wheel-wheel-wheel sound, or drumming on anything he can find.  He even will set up something to be his symbol, and he makes a ching sound when he hits it!  So I would love to get him an instrument of some sort.
• Buzz and Woody.  They are like $35 each, but I know that would rock his world.  He is never far from his little rubber ones that the Ponce's got him, and they are really just a set of dive toys.  Her kids have the big talking ones, the Woody actually has a pull string and knows when his hat is missing from his head!  He has never been more impressed in his life, then when Lucas let him play with his!
• Something for outside.... maybe to ride on?  But I know that if we get back to Haslet, it will go un-played with... so that's bottom of the list.

*****
I cringe to say that I think Maddox is potty trained.
I say it nervously because it is still my issue.
I have not ventured further than my mom's with him in underwear.
He has not had an accident in a really long time, and even poops without any problem now!
We put on underwear first thing in the morning and he stays dry in them until bedtime.  (Even through his nap!)
But at home, he wears underwear and that is it, so I can make sure he can get them off when it is time to go.  
1/2 the time, he doesn't even tell me until afterwards when he needs help getting his underwear back on!
My fear is that we will be out, he'll have clothes on, and he'll flat out forget he's in underwear.... and a mess we will have!
I need to just do it...
I know he's ready.
It's totally my issue!
Maybe I should start by making him wear clothes on top of his underwear at home??
I'll work on it!

Pumpkin Patch 2010

This Wednesday, Lance and I took Maddox to the Flower Mound Pumpkin patch.
We met a friend that Lance works with and his wife and child there.
Lance thinks a lot of "Womack", and his wife Audrey was really sweet and easy to chat with.
Kaden and Maddox are 8 days apart!!
We had a great time!

After pumpkins, we had pizza at Turner's in Flower Mound and then headed to Grapevine Mills mall.
The boys played, ate pizza and they both slept our entire time at the mall.

I went for a pair of Tom's but needed an 8 1/2 and Sun and Ski only sold whole sizes, so Lance got a new North Face cap and we headed home.

Just as we came out of South Lake, I got car sick.

The closer we got to home, the worse I felt.

By Boyd, I was begging Lance to pullover.

Tater Junction was the best place he could get into, but I just couldn't hurl in their parking lot, facing all 600 windows of people dining!

We decided to keep on, and stopped at my father-in-law's.

After a few minutes out of the car, I felt 80% better.

And Maddox got to play with his Papa for a bit.

We had some Mexican food at Dos Chilis and then called it a day.

Have I mentioned how much I love fall?!