Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of the Sandy Hook elementary school shooting.
I saw a video a couple of days ago from a family who lost a daughter, and it made me physically ill for them.
I honestly… can't… even… imagine.
But who can?
To put myself in their shoes-- just in thought-- is exhausting and terrifying and overwhelming.
It hurts to think that there are people who live it in real life.
I honestly don't know how one could move forward after such a loss.
…such a brutal and unthinkable loss.
How you open your eyes and place your feet on the ground each day...
How you walk back into the universe and pretend that literally every single thing doesn't jog a memory and stab like a knife.
How do go home, knowing there will be silence… and an empty bed.
How do you live again-- with that hole, that will never be filled?
Maybe you don't.
Maybe you are just dust from that point on-- painfully trailing through the rest of your life until you can feel whole again on the streets of gold.
It pains me to think about it.
I can't do it.
I can't make myself feel that loss for them.
As a mother, I just can't.
So today while watching Bethenny, I realized that the anniversary was tomorrow and she said that the town asked not to be bothered, but to just spread kindness instead.
We are blessed to have two boys, unharmed and home.
I hadn't planned on spending our day this way, but it was the least we could do.
My friend Nicolle led our adventure last year-- and I promised then, to make it a tradition.
Quick thinking led us to McDonalds where we bought treats for 26 people.
It still took us about 3 hours to complete, as the majority of people told us no.
Beckham licked one cone, just before he handed it to a man-- who just laughed, winked, and bit in like he didn't care.
One lady came up to me and began to cry--
which made me cry-- and do that smile-- nod your head yes-- and not say anything awkwardness.
But said that she appreciated our gesture.
I didn't go into detail with the boys.
Too soon, they'll know there are scary people in this world-- real people to fear.
They'll feel loss and sadness at some point, beyond what I can camouflage and cushion.
The world will soon strip their innocence, and their naive minds will evaporate.
So for now, we just spread good.
And we made people happy.
That was fun for them.
Today I remember Newtown.
Here's a glimpse of our day:
(just switch the O and the A, if you don't mind.)