Monday, October 21, 2013

a lovely weekend, and a piece of my mind

This weekend was one of my favorites.

I am hormonal and cranky so I am going to write unfiltered,
so before I overpower the thought::
I loved this weekend.

Lance's rash is 80% better.
Thank goodness.
Although the culture still isn't back.

Saturday Maddox had soccer.
It was cold but we came prepared with long pants, toboggans, and blankets.
Last season Maddox busted a front roll after he scored--
a couple of weeks ago, he upgraded to a new celebratory handstand.

Who knew he could even do a handstand?
He is so hilarious.

Beckham had me eat my words on the field after the game.
There is a little girl on Maddox's team who is "hard", for lack of another term.
She was actually in his class last year, and he use to pray for her that she would have a good day.
We didn't come into this season blindly, but it doesn't make my desire to hand out some discipline, any different.
Other moms were texting me during the game, because if anyone scores she goes and kicks them or hits them or screams and looses her koolaid on them...
Unfortunately my child scores a lot.
Thankfully, he hasn't returned the beat down.

I was telling my Dad and step-mom a few stories about her and her brother during the game, and then guess who threw down a Grade A fit right in the middle of the field after the game?

My kid.

I matched it with a Grade A spanking... or two...
But Beckham didn't care.
He's a honey-badger.
And you know what they say about honey badgers...

Hats off to you karma....
and to all of our spectators to the episode.

We loaded up from the game and made a little camp out across the field from the Alliance Airshow.
Lance's expectations were low since the Blue Angels and some-other-flying-crew similar the the Blue Angels weren't flying this year...
but there were pretend bombs, explosions, and a mock war--
(to which Lance did his best radio-reenactment)
so we were pretty impressed.

I was on call Saturday, and it was relatively slow--
so we cuddled in blankets, took turns with the binocular and devoured our snacks that Lance packed us.

I  had planned on staying the night at mom's on Saturday since I worked Sunday morning but she told me that I could go home and she would just keep them,
which was nice.

I have complained in the past that there are no people in our lives who just call and 'ask' for our kids--
but just a few hours away from them reminds me of two things...

1. I am so glad that I have my mom who loves them, cares for them, and doesn't mind "parenting them" like we do.  Who will show up to help any time I have a need and allows me to go to work or (like last week) a doctor's appointment, without paying for childcare.  It is nice to be able to sleep knowing they are cozy and comfortable, even though they aren't home...  And if they get scared or homesick; they have comfort in her.

2.  We like our kids.
Like, we honestly enjoy their company.
Yes, they are annoying, and rambunctious, and loud, and press buttons that we didn't even know that we had... and they fight and they cry and they exhaust us down to our last whimper of life--
but they are ours, and we wanted each one of them individually, and we are our best and most comfortable when we are a group-package, together.
We have friends (not many, but a few) who ditch their kids every weekend and sometimes during the week too because they think they are owed time.  "Adult time".  Similarly, we have family who constantly complain about the lack of family support and spout off nasty emails monthly because no one is there for them to watch their kids, or assume that others (with children of their own) should take on the responsibility to lighten their load.
I should probably keep these things to myself but it honestly bothers me and this is my space to say what I want!
Anywho, I realize that it is none of my business... and I am not entirely sure if it rubs me so much because I am jealous that they have the ability, resources, and lack of anxiety that we do, to be so part-time?  ...or that they are so entitled to think that this parenting gig revolves around them as adults, so much? ...or that I feel like I bust my butt to barely pass this test in life, and they show up with a test they stole right off the internet and yet claim to be in my same study group?

Either way, I have two more thoughts that no one asked for:

1. Parenting ain't easy.  It's a full time job.  It is also completely okay to take a breather and time alone with your husband.  That's healthy.  It is necessary.  But I believe that if you feel the need to cover up how often you don't have your kids-- then the issue might be one worth working on.

Let it be known, Lance and I love time together... we might even like it a bit more than the 3-4 times a year that we get to do it... but overall, we both enjoy the company of our kids.  It is one of the things that I adore about my husband... we are family people.  We do family things.
I don't think that Lance and I do everything right, or we have this all figured out, but I hope that when our children grow up, that they truly feel like Lance and I each enjoyed them... as people... and are glad that we have been with them so much and experienced so much of their every being.  Together.

2.  Spending energy wishing someone was different is exhausting.  I spent a lot of years, on different topics consumed with the idea that I could.  That I could make things even or fair or make someone love me or my kids the way it should be done in my head.
And that's not healthy.  And beyond that, it isn't even possible.
Through many years of struggling, I have realized that it is much easier to live my own life-- and enjoy the beauty of what is in front of my face... and let the other stuff work itself out.
Crazy enough, I have found that 99% of all the things I cried many tears about, have.

My kids know they have parents who adore them.  They also know who comes to their games... they know who sends them mail... or calls them... or stops by for visits... or tells them that they love them... or want to be a part of their lives.  But the beauty is that they don't have a clue who chooses the latter.  They only know love.
I, personally, have no care to point out to them the people who don't-- nor do I have any care to punish those who don't, if they ever decide to come around.
That's useless, negative energy to me that will corrode my spirit the way that Lance is sure looking up pictures of the Russian drug Crocodile online, corroded his skin!
My friend Krisha told me some advice a few years ago that honestly changed me...
she said, "why would you deny love to your kids from anyone?"
And after years of practice, I have learned to "let go."
And though I am human, and will still sometimes find myself sliding into a pity party, I will never let my kids feel any part of that.

Stepping down from my box of soap; back to Saturday:
My kids painted, we made a camp fire, roasted marshmallows, fed the cows, and bathed the boys...
and Lance and I left around 10:00 that night, and I slept like a rock, with not a foot one in my back!

Work was unbelievably slow on Sunday morning and we spent four hours mostly chatting.

Back to mom's to pick up my ducks, we watched the Cowboys win and then came home in time to change and go to Lance's games.

My super heroes were exhausted.
And slept until 9:00.

Cleaning today...
Tortilla Soup...
And call.

Pumpkin Patch Wednesday...

And speaking of "time alone"...
Lance and I have big date plans for Saturday...
That includes hiring a sitter...
tickets TCU vs Texas...
and fine dining.


  1. Holly, I <3 You! You have always been amazing, since any time I can remember. Do not lose your candidness and honesty. It's remarkable.

  2. I LOVE B's fuzzy brown hat! I agree with Chelsea above, keep writing and thinking and speaking like you do. It's refreshing and true and honest. I love how you write. And, you know I get you 100% on the whole...I want to be a parent but I don't want my kids around me. We have friends like that too, and I just want to scream. Our kids will soon be grown and gone, and we will never regret taking them along {even on the hard days}. We will remember the joy they felt during all of the trips and dates and outings, etc. Sure we all need a little bit of quiet time, but some take it to the extreme. LOVE YA sister friend. You are the real deal.