Tuesday, April 30, 2013

birthday to birthday in one week.

I always feel the need to preface these type posts with an apology.
...mainly for the lack of excitement and for the excess in pictures.

When I was little, my mom's friend Carla had a friend pass away in a car accident and I remember over-hearing her tell my mom that this mother had written on a calender what they did every day...
She had a little girl, and I remember them saying that one day she would really cherish that calender.
I thought, even way back then, that I wanted to do that for my kids too.
I didn't really get into blogging with that as my goal, but sometimes when I struggle with who I am writing to--
you, who's reading it today...
or my kids, who will read this decades from now--
I remind of myself of that mom.
And I write.

Last Monday was Beckham's actual birthday.
I kept Maddox home from school because he was still having a little diarrhea and I thought an accident at school would have been more than he could handle.
Instead, we picked up donuts and took them to Lance's store to eat.

My dad came over around lunch time and brought the boys each a bat and we played outside in the perfect weather.
I made Beckham icecream cone cupcakes (the pinterest way, where you fill the cupcake pan to the brim and turn the cone upside down on top-- the batter rises into the cone and they all come out perfect!)
And Lance was home in time to take part in dinner and festivities!

Tuesday Lance was off.
I know I have griped until I was blue in the face about the hours he works and his time away from home--
but now that I am used to that schedule, his days off always seem to throw a wrench into my day.
We had a super yummy lunch at Joe Ts and then we ran around  town to the most boring places on earth.

2 different TCU stores.
And Cheaper Than Dirt.
He only bought one thing, in all of our adventures (which was actually a cap for Maddox) but he has a list 7 miles long of the things he wants to buy-- and none of them are cheap.
So even though he doesn't actually 'buy' the list... every time he wants to tell me about "the next gun he is buying" (when honest to God, he can't even begin to tell you how many guns he already owns) or knife, or hat, or shirt, or truck, or RV or jeep, or....
I want to have an anxiety attack.

Wednesday was my day off.
Maddox had school and B and I played.
Lance obviously did bot get enough boy adventures on Tuesday, and asked me to meet him at Cabela's with the boys after he got off.
He bought another hat.
Again, for Maddox.
...and since all of Maddox's clothes and shoes and accessories are all thrifted down to B, I never mind those purchases.  I feel like we get our money out of them.

must have been uneventful.
I've got nothing.

{Except this picture where I caught Maddox changing Beckham's diaper... he asked me not to put it on "my internet"... but you know me!}

Friday I wrote that sweet blog about how fun my boys are and how I adore their ages right now.
We went to the Food Park Festival at the Ballpark in Arlington that evening and they proved me right.
It was kind of a pricey little adventure, but a ton of fun!
We tried a little bit of everything to eat...
The weather was perfect, there was a live band, it wasn't too crowded, they had a bounce house for the boys, and we danced like no one was watching.
The kids loved it just as much as Lance and I did--
And we were able to go into the stadium, all blacked out, and see the field too.
We had so much fun together!

Saturday I ate crow.
Every time I write a blog about how blissful and calm and serene and beautiful our life is,
It flips.  --Kicks me in the shin and then I want to sucker punch karma right in the face.

Maddox had a football game.
Beckham started screaming the moment we set up our camping chairs and refused to pull it together.
He didn't want his stroller-- he didn't want in my lap-- and he certainly did not want to stand on his own.
I didn't even make through the first quarter before I started packing up our crap and heading to the car.
We saw another mom on our way out and while I was chatting with her, he calmed.
We decided to stay.
At the far end of field; where I could see nothing.

Lance assures me I didn't miss much as Beckham wasn't our only uncooperative child.
Maddox couldn't pay attention, was horsing around, falling down for no reason-- and Lance sent him off the field for goofing off.

I took no pictures, because Mr-fuss-all-game was only chill when he was watching "Mouse" on my phone.

I did snap a pic of Lance leading prayer before the game... which was really sweet and definitely out of his comfort zone.
I love him.

The boys and I followed Lance to work and we had lunch there.
Afterward, I drove another town away, before I realized the shoe store that had the shoes he wanted was within walking distance from his work.  (where we just were)

By that time we made it back to the correct store, the back seat was all snores so I had to wait...
But they didn't sleep long enough...

As my kids embarrassed me beyond belief in the store!  They were running everywhere, not minding, and Maddox even tried to pop a ball with a ink-tag poker thing!!
I know, because a lady who works at the store pointed it out!
I bet I said, "quit", "stop", and "enough" 7,004 times.
I ended up ripping Maddox by the neck of his shirt to the time-out chair and I said a tiny prayer that they weren't recording me for the next episode of Maury.

Frustrated and spent, I finally had to spill the beans to Lance that I was surprising him with shoes because I couldn't find the specific ones he wanted... but needed him to pick a pair from that store because Maddox's Nikes are coming apart at the threads and Rack Room always does BOGO.
And we all know I'm cheap frugal.

He drove over and told me that "he would take" one pair but he still wanted the pair at the other store too.
I reminded him that he spent $9 on my birthday...
And he isn't getting 2 pairs from me... it was these or nothing.  I was NOT making another stop with those two heathens.  I was done. 

He picked nothing... and I left wanting to pull all 3 of their ears off...

Sunday I was on call.
The weather was crazy amazing-- and my kids played outside all day long.

I wrote "I love you" in sidewalk chalk, and Maddox wrote "ILFU2MOM" next to it, which translates to 'I love you too mommy" in four year old.

He also drew himself (with a knife and a sword) fighting a big alien.  He was bummed that his alien looked more like a snowman but was impressed with Beckham's world, and helped him finish it.
He has a large imagination.
I love that.

If I posted the pictures alone, you would have no choice but to assume we had a glorious and perfect day.
But I like to keep it real.
The boys fought...
Maddox has forgotten how to follow directions...
And it never fails that the moment I get on the phone with a patient, the world falls apart.

Parts of the day were fun,
but I was super excited to see Lance walk in the door.
And over the top to put them to bed!

Monday was Lance's birthday.
He is 32.
It is crazy that we have been together since he was 20 years old.

We dropped Maddox off at school and Beckham and I headed to the grocery store to put together a little surprise for Lance.
He spent the morning at Dallas Cowboy stadium hosting a players lunch on a contract they just landed there.
He and Luke ate up every minute of it, and since Luke use to caddy for a few of the players; they had some fun conversation too!
Beckham was so, so, so good at the store--
and the weather was so amazing, we spent the rest of our day outside, waiting to pick up Maddox.
Maddox did not have the same great day.
He got a stick pulled in PE because he was suppose to only run 5 laps and he ran 6.  (or something like that?!)
Basically-- for not obeying the rules.
...The same thing we had dealt with for 2 days.

I wanted to punish him and remove anything fun from the rest of his day, but I was already 2 feet into the surprise I had planned for Lance so I had to pretend to be more mad than I was-- and dish out an empty threat that the party was off.

Lance finally made it home, call was going nuts...
but we headed to Paradise.
I forgot my charger and my purse, so 10 minutes down the road, we had to make a U-turn and start again.

We were off to a rocky start, but the evening could have not gone better, had I planned it for months.
The weather was glorious.
My brother's family came out.
My parents had concrete poured earlier in the day for their shop so the kids carved their names.
The guys played catch... the kids played tag... we laughed...
We talked...
We roasted hotdogs and made smores.

My brother's family left and my parents called it a night too, and my little family stayed layed out by the fire until 10:00 or so and then called it a night in the RV.

Today Lance was off.
We packed up our campsite, showered, and then cruised my parents land for a bit before we went home.

Clean, mow, football practice...
and we are ready for tomorrow.

And that's that.
A birthday to birthday in one week.

Friday, April 26, 2013

living in the good times

When you find out you are pregnant with your second child, it is a different set of emotions from the first.

With the first one, it is excitement and new and fear and the unknown.
There are tons of belly rubbing and dreaming and planning and preparation.
Everything is beautiful and centered around the new adventure.
It is a journey, that together with your husband, you worry every minute you are doing wrong but have no choice but to make up as you go. 
It is beautiful.
Everything around you is beautiful...
It is a completely new life.

With the second, it is different from the start.
You know how to do most of it-- and realize the things you don't will come with time.  (whether you want them to or not).  You have long forgot what it feels like to not have a child in your arms, and even when you squint your eyes and try really hard to remember, you honestly have no idea what you once did on Friday nights.
Since you have a child already, who is alive and before you that already accompanies your thoughts, sometimes the pregnancy itself takes the back burner and gathers less conversation.  It is exciting, don't get me wrong, but a lot of the excitement stems from sharing this experience with your child you already have. 
Most moms I know worry at some point how the older sibling will handle the transition or if they could love another child as much as the first.
I never had that.
I knew Maddox would be an amazing older brother and I knew I could love 15 kids as much as I loved him.

Lance and I had practice.
Not only did we have 2 nieces at this point who had stayed the night with us and ran errands and let us play mommy and daddy a few times-- but we had Baby Paige.
A foster baby,
who we kept whenever we could.
I remember one Christmas that we kept her through my entire break.
I actually drove to take her back and my friend made the comment that she wished she could have just stayed with me...
I didn't call Lance, I just drove back to our apartment with a baby carrier in my hand.
And he smiled.
She was a great baby.
She trusted us and though she was brand new-- and we had no kids of our own-- God gave us patience and knowledge on what she needed from he and I.
Which was mostly attention.
And love.
It was through her, that I knew Lance would be a great daddy.
He held her and kissed her and woke up during the night to help me with her.
He made sure we had her bow everywhere we went and he cried with me when we found out that she was going back to her birth mommy.
I can still remember where we were sitting and the exact conversation that we had.
We prayed together that this blank canvas that we saw in Baby Paige could become something wonderful... and better than what she came from.

We were not married, but we both knew that if we could have kept her, we would have driven to the courthouse and made it final, because our love for her was deep and true.
We would have loved her as our own.

So Paige prepped us for Maddox.

And Maddox pepped us for Beckham.

And though I never worried that Beckham wouldn't be wrapped in love to the depth that Maddox was already loved nor did I fear Maddox's rebellion to the huge change in our life...
it happened.

He had a rough few weeks when B came home.

My sweet, never pushing the rules child, became defiant and ornery and hard.
I remember questioning myself and wondering how I thought he would miss this stage?
I remember worrying that I did in fact mess up our perfect dimension and if Beckham actually did hurt our relationship with Maddox.
Each time I voiced my fears out loud, however, I got the same response, "a sibling is the best gift you will ever give Maddox.  It will get better."

And it did.

Beckham was such an easy infant-- just like Maddox --just like Paige.
But then he turned 14 months old.
And he was no longer easy.
He was hard and particular and energy consuming.
And since he was not able to communicate, but his older brother was-- there were many many many days where I felt like Maddox endeared the "short end of the stick" as I would take my frustrations out on the child who would actually cooperate with my requests.
I felt like a lot of days I was in competition with myself.
Did I hold them equally?
Did I post the same amount of pictures each way?
Did I say enough positives to cover up my negatives today?
Am I enough?
Will this get easier?
Am I failing?

Again, I would confide in friends and admit that I was harder on Maddox because of Beckham and I felt really guilty for it.
They would say that they all had done the same things and I wasn't hurting Maddox and it was normal and in time it would get easier.
That felt like such a lie.

Beckham finally started talking a couple of months ago, and stopped teething for a minute and has become so enjoyable.
Together they play... all day long.
Both being boys, they are into the same things and can entertain each other.
Maddox is so sweet to his brother and helps him in ways that no one else can.

I am reminded of a comment my Nana made on an older blog once where she told the story of myself and my brother.  She said she would pick us up from school and Weeder would try and practice his spelling words.
Before he could spell them out, I would shout out the answer for him.
Rather than getting mad, he would smile and pat my back and say, "Isn't she so smart Nana?"

And that's Maddox.
He is Weeder.

He is so proud of his brother.
He is so patient.
And he loves him in the same way that Lance and I do.
Every time Beckham learns a new word, or accomplishes something new; Maddox paints him with praise and you see real excitement come over him.
He is so proud.

Beckham adores Maddox.
No matter what Maddox is doing, Beckham wants a part.
At all times, he has one eye on Maddox and one hand ready to mimic his next move.

They are truly best friends.
And I am proud.
Parenting these two, has finally become easier.
{{of course they fight and bite and kick and scream...}}
But even that mess is so much fun!

And now all the advice that I have been given finally makes sense.

Beckham truly was Maddox's greatest gift...
And Maddox is the best example to baby B.

Just to be clear::
I am no fool.
I know it will be hard again.
(who are we kidding, every day something is "hard")
I also realize they are only 2 and 4...
And like everything else in life-- it is a roller coaster until the finish.

But I feel like I have wrote more blogs than I can count on how we are surviving the hard times...
and I just wanted to document this one...
we are living in the good times.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

A great weekend!

Friday night, I had a GNO to celebrate 29 years of life.
Dinner at Chuys.
The M Lounge to watch my friend from high school's band.
And then some TCU joint, on our way out.

Ten years ago, I would have been so intimidated in a place like that.
Everyone prettier-- with more money-- and all that jazz...
but I had a blast in the 20 minutes we were there.

I danced like an idiot...
And LAUGHED my butt off when a boy asked my sister to tell me that he "liked my dress"...
and then I let him know that I was old enough to be his mom--or babysitter?

I had a great birthday.
With 3 drinks...
5 pals...
And lots of love.

Saturday Maddox had a soccer game and pictures.

We met our family at Pizza Inn after the game to celebrate Beckham's birthday, for lunch.

I have worried a lot about not having a birthday party for Beckham.
It is definitely not in my nature to do that-- as I am usually hand-making the invitations and special ordering sassy cakes...
but I will say; our last-minute-party with our family was just perfect for B.

Our adventure to the Fort Worth Main Street Arts Festival, afterward, was icing on the cake.
Especially since my sister was in town to go with us...
And double-especially since we ran into a blast from my past-- my favorite guy from high school, Zane, and his beautiful wife and daughter.  We spent an hour catching up and watching our loves climb the rock wall.

It was crowded... but a lot of fun.
We were shocked to see Beckham sit so still for his face painting, and close his eyes or turn his head with each command from his painter.
The boys loved their faces...
And they were definitely a hit at the FW Food Park, where we had dinner.

Once again, we were not disappointed in the food park.
The music was good.
The food was fantastic.
And we couldn't have asked for greater weather.

Today, the boys broke into Beckham's gift from Allison while I was trying to clean.
They had a blast playing air hockey...
We had lunch on the trampoline...
And the boys sword fought with each other until I had to stop the fun.
Maddox went to the neighbor's birthday party
and Beckham and I cleaned, cooked and prepared for the week.
This was a great weekend.

Tomorrow my peanut officially turns two, and though he still seems so much younger than Maddox did at each phase... I am excited for his big day!

I love, love, love my boys ages right now.
Both of them.
I love that they can play together and are entertained by the same things.

Maddox is so sweet and loving and smart...
And B is talking so much, adores my existence-- and is Maddox's little shadow.

I love that when they get in trouble, they immediately begin taking up for the other one-- even if the punishment is due to one hurting the other.

Sometimes I actually put them in time-out together--
just because I know that the braver one (Beckham) is going to swing open the door and yell at me a stern 'no', and then Maddox is going to hug him when I remind him that I am the boss.

I love that they are best friends...
and I pray they always stay that way.

They are so fun and I really enjoy our days together.
Especially when Lance is off to enjoy them too.

Other than the stomach bug still following us like a spy...
We had a phenomenal weekend!