July 24, 2008

(copy/paste from myspace)

the greatest day of my life!

It became pretty obvious our little boy was not going to arrive into this world without the help of some drugs! However, making it to Thursday seemed like FOREVER! (Especially since I had pains all week but none of them were effective enough to throw me into labor.)

So Wednesday night, Lance and I rechecked our bags that had been packed for a month, found the cords for the DVD recorder, charged the batteries to the camera, rechecked the car seat once again, made a checklist for the morning and put our cell phones on the charger. We had to leave our house at 3:15 am to make it to our induction time at 4:00 and we did not want to be putting things together in the morning.

I had plans for us to take Tylenol PM (per Dr Deem's okay) around 6:00 Wednesday night and hopefully be out by 7:00. But of course I found 87 more things to do and clean instead. My mom and sister and her friend came to stay the night too and they didn't show up until after 9:30 so my plans didn't really work. Once we finally went to bed and got to sleep (midnight-ish), Lance's phone rang around 12:45. It was his dad who was too anxious to sleep and assumed probably were too. Sweet… But then we had to start the whole process again of getting back into dream land again. And 2:30 came early.

Of course I got up and took a shower; I even dressed cute even though I had to change into a gown 4 seconds after we arrived. And I put my makeup on.

We loaded into the Tahoe and lance said, "Someone already called your phone wishing us luck"… I said "who?" I mean it was 3:15 in the morning and I HOPE his dad had finally gone to sleep by now! So I checked my voice mail and it was the hospital, "We are going to have to cancel you today… we have too many here in active labor now… please call back later to reschedule…" NO. no. NO! There is no such thing as rescheduling at this point. I am SIX DAYS past my due date. I have only slept a couple of hours. I have prepared for this to be THE day. I AM NOT RESCHEDULING!!

So I called them and lied and said we were almost there and live an hour away and didn't know if we had to turn around or what?! They said to head on and they would reschedule the induction scheduled after me but I would have to wait once I checked in.

Lance and I had to drive about 85 mph to make up for my lied time but we didn't have to wait at all. We were put right into our room and started filling out all of our paper work. My nurse also put in my dreaded IV. (I worried way more about getting my first IV then I did pushing an 8 ½ pound child out of a 10cm hole in my private part. And I wish I could say it wasn't that bad but it was. It was bad. And I hated it.)

They started running me some fluids and around 6:30 and then she started my Pitocin. They increased it after about 15 minutes but I still couldn't feel my contractions. At this point I thought, "Oh- labor isn't so bad."

Then after another 20-30 minutes of that, they came in and stopped my medication, and said they had to CANCEL ME AGAIN!!! They just had 3 women walk in, in active labor and they didn't have enough man power to handle the L&D today. So here we go again… I felt like begging at this point, "Please let me stay!!" But they did. They had to! 1. Because my body kept contracting even after they stopped my Pitocin drip. And 2. because Dr. Deem came in and broke my water even though the nurse wasn't too happy about it—there was no sending me home now… I'm in like Flynn!

For a while anyway.

Right until the REAL contractions started. Oh my Lordy. I thought I couldn't do it another contraction. But I did… over and over and over again while my nurse SLOWLY went and got me some pain medicine, Stadol. (It felt like forever.) I tried to tell her I had never had any pain medicine stronger than Tylenol but I was asleep before I even finished my sentence! For 30 minutes I slept better than I have in my life. But at the end of that 30 minute period I woke up in a blaze of glory! I was hurting again… but worse. It was the craziest drug. I would sleep for 60 seconds, then wake up and feel every bit of my 90 second contraction and then go straight back to sleep again as soon as my contraction ended.

All I know is that it felt like I was in constant, horrible pain since I was sleeping in between contractions. And every time I would wake up I was hurting, and the monitor was out of paper and was squealing in my ear, and Lance was text messaging. I was telling myself… don't yell at him, don't yell at him… but my mom said I was looking at him like the devil every time I would wake up!

And that is when I wanted my epidural. Yesterday. And all I kept getting was, "10 more minutes and he'll be here." That kept me okay for about 4 contractions but then I started telling Lance to go find him. He was trying to convince me that the anesthesiologist was on his way but that wasn't good enough. I told him to stand in the hall way so he knew we needed him now. I'm not sure what Lance did but my doctor finally came! He happened to be about 8 foot tall wearing about 8" thick glasses. (FYI: I tried to talk the doctor I work for into setting me up a MRI to check the length of my spinal cord about a month before to make sure it wasn't abnormally long and could be hit and paralyze me and now I am stuck with a man who is blind!) Not only that but he talked slower than anyone I have ever spoke to in my life. Lance said he was getting nervous for the guy and started thinking, "speed it up dude, or she's about to loose it on you!"

But thank God for the Stadol because they usually try to insert it during a contraction so you don't feel it but he could shoot at anytime with me because when I wasn't contracting I was snoring so I didn't even know it happened. It was over. My pain was gone. And I was in love with the man I had cussed just a few minutes earlier!

Life was so good at that point. I woke up to talk occasionally. But mostly I slept.

Until it was time to push!

I could still move my feet with the epidural. And I could still feel some pressure but it didn't hurt.

Dr. Deem got me into position and I started pushing. I pushed and pushed. And then was told to stop. --"we'll just to give him a little break."

Dr Deem and my nurse Amy were trying to play things cool but I could tell something was wrong. I am not an L&D nurse but I did about triple the rotations through that department in nursing school because I loved the area. I also was there during the delivery with my cousin Amber and her baby Kyleigh at this same hospital. Typically there is your doctor, your nurse, your baby's nurse and whoever you have chosen to be in there with you in the room. But all of the sudden my room was being bombarded with a million people. I was crying begging them to tell me why she had to page the respiratory team and why the anesthesiologist was back in my room, and who the other 87 people were but she kept trying to tell me that they always have this many people. LIARS!! Then she was winking at the nursery nurse telling her to page Dr. Guthrie and Dr. Hayward because they would be so excited that he was finally here. Again, I was getting pissed… Does she not realize I take the pages when there is a crashing baby? I understand that they were trying to keep my stress level down but they should've realized I am a control freak and HAVE to know EXACTLY what is going on.

After putting me on oxygen she told me that I could start pushing again. I had a mirror so I could see the process and at this point I made up my mind that the quicker I got him here the sooner I could see what was wrong myself.

And there he came. Blue as could be. Evidentially, I had a contraction that last 4 minutes and cut off his oxygen supply. He also had the cord around his little neck twice.

Prior to pushing Dr. Deem asked Lance if he was going to cut the cord and he said yes but he didn't get to because things were moving so fast. She cut the cord and handed him to respiratory who started bagging our little man and got him crying.

I was hysterical as you can imagine. I was bawling like I have never cried because more than anything I wanted off of that table and over to my little boy to do whatever I could (probably nothing) to help out the situation. I kept asking for his Apgar and no one would tell me. That was because it was 5! A FIVE?!?! It quickly changed to a 9 so he perked up rather quickly. And I was finally able to hold my precious angel.

This is the part on the video tape that I can't watch. It is pathetic. I am wailing out loud and then I promise him that I won't always be that crazy. –I lied.

From then on, the roller coaster of emotions didn't stop. I can not remember a time in my life that I was so happy but cried so much! I cried when everyone passed my baby around even though I made them all sanitize before they held him. I called the nursery one night and asked the nurse if he was crying because I could hear him through the phone. I cried when they told me that if I sent him to the nursery and he cried that they would give him a pacifier or formula. I am solely breastfeeding. Nipple confusion is real and you should stay away from those things until you are sure he has the latching and sucking part down. I cried watching Lance cry. I cried when we had to stay another day because my blood pressure was so high. I cried the next day when we were told again that we would have to stay for the same reason but don't worry that I cried also when he said that we could go home Saturday evening!

Lance and I cried our entire drive home and I cussed at a few cars that drove to close too us.
During my hard contractions I remember asking Lance why some people have 5 and 6 kids because I didn't think I could ever do this again… but the very same night I told him I already missed being pregnant and would do it again and again… It is crazy how that all works out!

July 7, 2008

(copy/paste from myspace)

This past week has been un-freak'n real! Not to throw a pity party—but here's your invite! I warn you… Debby Downer is in the house!

Part one of my piss-poor week:

I was severely depressed at the beginning of the week. One, because I was still pregnant and two, because everyone I talked to acted as if I was PAST my due date AND still pregnant. But at this point, I still had a week left of growing a full term healthy boy so why was everyone acting as if I sucked? "You are STILL pregnant"… and the answer was "Yes, I am. I am STILL pregnant—And I am not even due yet." What makes it crazy is that I have loved being pregnant. But when everyone you talk to puts the negative connotation on the fact that you are still with-child it tends to get old and depressing.

Part2:

This depression was only increased when I developed pain like I have never experienced before from my bottom! It hurt to walk, it hurt to lie down and it definitely hurt to sit. So I stayed in bed for two days straight and cried. I felt like Macy Dog was a kid off of the show Intervention or something, "my mom just lays in bed all day and cries while my dad does all of the house work." Things got somewhat better when Dr. Deem called me in some prescriptions to help me out. I say "somewhat" only because I had the breakdown of the year in Wal-Mart. I had got myself together enough to get ready and sit on my bleeding butt for the 15 minute drive to pick up the prescriptions. I get there, waddle to the pharmacy in obvious pain and of course they can't find it. I am then beyond humiliated when I had to tell a boy younger than I was what the medication was used for in front of 4 other customers! I buried my head in Lance's chest and sobbed out loud! I hit rock bottom. My husband told the boy I needed it for my "rear-end" and he gave us the damn medicine. Thankfully, it helped a lot!

Part 3:

As I have said before, I know a ridiculous number of pregnant girls… or at least I used to. That is until half of them had their babies last week! Also as I have said before, I am a worry-wart when it comes to my baby. I need things to go by the book… Maddox, on the other hand, does not seem to be a by the book baby!

My cousin, Dallas, FINALLY had her baby. (Almost 2 weeks past her due date) Her doctor would not induce her, well, he tried Cervadil once and was going to have her come back and try it AGAIN but her water finally broke on its own. He told her that Pitocin could rupture her placenta with her first baby and he wouldn't do it. So now I am thinking… Oh, Lord have mercy— HE IS LATE-- Run some Pit for Heaven's sake. The possibility of death during child birth HAS to be higher than an exploding uterus—since about 80% of women are induced these days. And now I sound like the crazy horse in the family because they all worry about the effects of Pitocin on your body while I am wondering if I can get some at the local feed store and get a bag dripping at home! I want him here, and I'm okay chancing the explosion!!!

And on the other side of that: One of the girls that I work with was not due for a month after me and had her baby last week. Every time she would have an appointment it was almost like a competition to let me know where her progression of pregnancy lay against mine. I would think—I guess it is just the difference of me being a nurse because I would be worried if I was already having these symptoms. But no one seemed to be worried about a premature baby, just more worried that A. someone may not have told me yet, so they TOO should call and let me know and B. that I was STILL pregnant?!

And this process repeated itself again and again last week when four girls that I know had their babies and only ONE was due before me!

Part 4:

I didn't feel like talking on the phone at all. So I didn't. That ended up turning me into witch of the year. No one can think of it as… she probably doesn't feel like talking. Instead, once I finally answer those who won't give up and yet won't call my husband who WILL answer his phone, I get, "well I'm glad you answered" (to reiterate how rude I am) and then "anything yet?" (like we have a baby conspiracy going on THEY haven't been told) and of course, "you know to call me if something happens" (because they haven't told us time and time again) …And the cake topper—my dad, who hasn't called me but 2 times my ENTIRE pregnancy (one of which was on my birthday- so we can call that one a wash) called my brother after I didn't answer to say that he has called me multiple times and guesses that "I am just mad at them"—no, I am not mad. And no—this is NOT about you, it is me who is STILL pregnant, remember?! And I simply do not want to talk on the phone.

Part 5:

Our LAST appointment! Last week Dr. Deem said we came "leaps and bounds" and she didn't expect to see us for our Thursday appointment the following week. This week, at our Thursday appointment, we had to discuss induction because we had NO CHANGE AT ALL in seven days. What sucks the most about that is I have had quite a bit of pains—and even some bleeding but obviously nothing my body is doing is productive. And to suck things up a little more, my baby was approximately 8 pounds a week ago and we have to give him another week to come on his own—at ½-1 oz weight gain for14 days, he is liable to get oftly large! I mean, there is a possibility that I am going to deliver a mini-horse! Once Dr. Deem left our room I stayed in our exam room crying while Lance held me, once again, and assured me it was going to be okay. At least we have an end date- No later than Thursday we will have our boy!

Part 6:

Lance and I talked after leaving our appointment. I am not going to say I didn't still do some crying but we decided to have a new outlook on things. We decided that we would enjoy this just-me-and-him time to the most until Maddox comes. I am off work. Lance works from home. We get to laugh all day while he is being paid. I get to be with my best friend during the most crazy/ exciting/ scary/ overwhelming/ emotional/ amazing time of our lives and we know that no one else in this world is as pumped as we are right now. We decided to go to dinner and talk. And be happy. And be positive.

Part 6 doesn't seem so piss-poor, huh? Sorry to deceive you!

We made it home around 10:30.. to find my 3 pound yorkie that I love ridiculously, fat as a tick. I also found Lance's king size Hershey bar wrapper ripped to shreds! Apparently there is a chemical in chocolate that can kill a dog if too much gets into their digestive tract, and the risk is greater the smaller they are. Yay! So my good spirits were killed rather quickly when I had to induce vomiting so that Macy wouldn't die. She threw up over and over again… I had no idea she could hold that much chocolate! Lance, again, held both of us as she felt like poo and I cried unable to watch her feel like poo!

Part 7:

Fourth of July came… and Fourth of July went. My brother came out with his family. My parents came out also. Even Zack stopped by for a few hours to hang out. We made some snack food, we went and watched a firework show but Maddox missed out on all of it. He would rather hang out in my belly.

Part 8:

Lance and my step dad play golf on Sundays. Since we aren't showing any signs of labor, this Sunday was no exception. My mom and I decided to go to the pool and lay out in stead of hanging out here in our house. I thought the worse that could happen is that I would get dehydrated and need IV fluids run. And how bad is that? Just piggy back some Pitocin into the mix and we'll get this show on the road! I did not get dehydrated but I did, however get embarrassed! Let me give you some insight on my swimsuit situation: I didn't see any point in spending $75 on a maternity swimsuit that I would wear for a month, especially when I am probably going to have to spend $100 on a one- piece after he is born until things get back in shape. So I let my belly hang out! And my boobs for that matter! My mom and I didn't decide to even go to the pool until I had just taken a shower so I had no make up on and my hair was wadded in a wet bun beneath a baseball hat! I looked hot! Typically, I could care less who thinks it is a little trashy but typically I don't lay out next to Lance's ex girlfriend all day! I hope to God she didn't recognize me, (it was 6 years ago) but I did her so I am sure things were mutual. Stab me with an ice pick and tell your friends Lance married a skank! Wait, let me add the fact that I was reading "Chicken Soup for the New Mom's soul" and had tears rolling out the sides of my sunglasses—just to reiterate how pathetic I must have looked!

Here we are now, entering a new week. Despite my week of crap, I am excited to spend my last week with my husband alone! This week is going to be good! Next week… when I am sleep deprived, with a sore cha- cha, ta-tas and a crying baby, things may be back on the down hill slide. But for now, I am going to approach things with an up beat spirit. And worse case scenario: I am going to kiss the face of the most handsome boy in the world in just THREE days!

PS. Lance and I bought a brand new Tahoe Saturday! We sold my Honda and were right side up enough to pay off my credit card debt! So yay… we are more debt free as of today and I officially drive a mommy car!

June 27, 2008

(copy/paste from myspace)

Just one week left to go!!!

So yesterday we went to our weekly appointment, where we got our final sonogram too, so as we always get excited for our Dr.Deem time, we were pumped for this one!

I pissed the sonographer off right at the get-go because I asked her to make sure Mr. Maddox still had a penis. She said, "thanks for your confidence in me... but there's a penis and a set of testicles, so I hope it is a boy... now back to the important business..." But whatever? Mad or not, I felt better since I know a girl who was told 2 separate times she was having a boy... until her pregnancy turned high risk and she started getting sonograms at every appointment and now she is scheduled for her induction for her little GIRL next week!

But our sono... he was precious. Maddox was rubbing his little eyes and puckering his lips in and out if he was giving kisses (I do the same thing when I sleep but I think he has Lance's lips-- all fluffy and sweet...) And the tears started to flow! Our boy will be here in NO TIME, this is real!!! I looked over at Lance expecting him to be looking at me the way he does when I cry for no reason but instead he was teary eyed too... which just made the tears flow faster! We were both so excited! Maddox's heart looked great... his head looked great... but he was measuring 7 pounds and 14 ounces... 2 ounces shy of EIGHT POUNDS! and he should be gaining 1/2 - 1oz every day until he delivers! AHHH!!!

And from then on... I was a basket-case! We had to return to the waiting room to wait for our appointment with Dr. Deem. I saw the sonographer call back the next couple (who looked about 30 and had another older lady with them-- that I assumed was her mom) and I looked at Lance and started tearing up again. I said, "They get to find out what they are having today... Don't you remember how excited we were" I mean, I made it up but my clues seemed to fit?! I also got to talk to another lady who sat down next to us and is also due on July 4th-- but this is her second baby (a girl) and she was already having contractions so I am sure she will get to push before me. Which makes me crazy... I keep meeting people due AFTER me who already have their babies now. UGH!! I also talked to a girl who sat down across from us with a 2 year old and put my foot deep within my throat when I asked her when she was due! (and she is not pregnant) But in my defense, she said she had to have an emergency c-section with her little girl and wanted to discuss with her doctor today the chances of it happening again. So, "wow, when are you due" didn't seem like a far fetched question but Lance wanted to slit his wrist, I know!

So when we got back into our room, Lance handed me hand full of tissues-- because he thought I would need them-- and I was offended! "I am fine!" And I was... for about 2 minutes. Then Dr. Deem started telling us that she just saw that You Tube video where that boy and his dad run marathons and eventually the Iron Man... but the son is in a wheelchair and the dad swims with him on his back (I saw the story on Oprah last year or something)-- she went on to tell me that I love my baby now but this power of love is huge and one day I would feel as if I would go to hell and back for my son... and in DAYS I would begin to experience that!

And then on to business: I was counting on the fact that; A: possibly we were short on amniotic fluid because I had heard they would induce for that! But no, you need to be at 5 to 20 and we were at 17.5-- the high side of things. B: I had lost weight at our last appointment (just one pound) and I did it again somehow, but 2 pounds this time so maybe that would be a reason to take him... but no, she wasn't too concerned with that either! 20 pounds total weight gain is good she says?! C: HIS weight. She said the sonogram could be off as much as 10%. (But EITHER WAY!!) So he could be closer to 7 pounds... or closer to EIGHT! Again, not concerning to her!

She did tell us that I had come leaps and bounds in one week. We are 90% effaced now and she could touch his head through my cervix! She acted as if we wouldn't go another week but we would set up an appointment for next week just in case. I hope she isn't just giving us false hope? Because the next thing she said was if we did make it to an appointment next week, we would set up an induction for the following week! So in our worse case scenario: we will have a baby boy IN OUR ARMS in 10 days or so!

After we left, we went shopping, and we walked and walked and walked! We bought our state-of-the-art monitor (lance picked it out) that has a 7" color LCD screen and also a sound thing that you can connect to your hip. I also went and got a pedicure (because I needed it AND I had heard that having your feet rubbed can throw you into labor), and we ate Mexican Inn for dinner-- I mean, we tried EVERYTHING... yes, ALL the myths!!

And, I did have a lot of blood yesterday and lower back pain and abdominal pain... gross, I know-- but it kept me hopeful! But.... no, NO baby. I am still here. At home... but only because the dang mexican food tore me up and I spent 45 minutes throwing my toenails up this morning and just decided to stay at home. Maternity leave started a day early! I should be excited... But I am not.

I want pain!

But as of today...

No pain.

No baby.

Stay posted!