If you give a mouse a cookie.

Tuesday I had a hard day.

Transitions aren't easy for me and I was having one of those, "it's only Tuesday?" type of days... like "what am I suppose to do for the next 3 days-- or 365 days for that matter?"... Why didn't I put Maddox in school again? ...or at least Beckham?

How am I suppose to keep them entertained without a pool day, or water park, or vacation to look forward to?
Not the tv.
Not the Ipad.
Not video games.
but how much 'play' can we really do together while stuck inside because it is 110 outside?

What are they suppose to wear when we are here all day?
Not their good clothes... but what if we leave... I am not doing 18 thousand loads of laundry all year.
I can't very well make then wear weekly outfits either, though it is a thought.

What about food?  I need to feed them healthier... I need to feed us all better.
Why do they eat so dang much?
And on that thought, how are they so skinny?
Should I worry about those ribs?
And snacks.... Lawd, these kids eat them some snack... someone hit me with a 2X4.

I need a schedule.
A plan.
A curriculum maybe?
That might help.

Did I make the right decision not sending Maddox to kindergarten?
Am I labeling him?
Do people assume that he is behind and not the boy-genius that we believe that he is?
Is he sad that he isn't at school?
Am I now outcasted from the group of mommies I met in MDO?
What do we have in common anymore?

Maybe I need to go back to work full time.
Did we make the best decision for me to stay home in the first place?

Should I go back to school?
I really don't want to go back....
Why is everything so difficult?

I was turning no-brainers into big issues and it was sort of like the "if-you-give-a-mouse-a-cookie" book where we needed to turn the page and say something like, "replace her cookie with a large glass of wine and tell her to go to sleep".

Except this mouse has kids, who would could escape and start fires in the street or something if I slept on their watch-- and rarely buys wine because though she dreams of a glass often, reality is that she is a cheapskate and a bottle of Malbec is about $12 and she rarely drinks more than a glass from each bottle and it doesn't save longer than a few days so it is mostly a waste of the mouse's money.

***
My husband listened to my cries, and though he assures me that Candace will still meet me for play dates even though I'll now have a teenager in tow, and soon it will be cool enough for the park, and  it doesn't really matter what clothes they wear, and I really don't have to finish the closet that I tore completely apart to re-organize in one day, and me working in the office a couple days a month might make me feel like I was doing more to contribute and change my scenery a little-- and that I was a great momma, who made the perfect decision for our peanut... I still felt spent.

Lance walked in to the door with a little treat for each of us.
A $3 Power Rangers action figure for Maddox.  A little fleece Mickey mouse baby blanket for Beckham, and a notepad and a candy bar for me.

The only store near our house is a Dollar General and he was a little embarrassed in his treats.
I, on the other hand, thought they perfect.
The kids were over-the moon and since I met him while doodling with my gel pens (remember), his gesture was heart felt.  (and less than $10 total)

It reminded me why I love him and why he's more special than the fairy tale marriage that I spend a lot of days wishing I had received.
He's patient and kind and understanding.
He cleans up dishes and vomit and dirty diapers.
He is funny.
He is quirky.
He is my best friend.


***
Yesterday we got a call from my sister and she needed help.
My husband didn't blink an eye when asked if he would spend his entire day off from work driving and moving things for someone else.
He showed up and he helped.
Which reminded me yet anther reason why I love him so much.

We had dinner and played dominoes until well past 10:00 with my parents and sister.
He enjoys family time like I do.
He gets me.

Driving home on a back road, while holding my hand and occasionally looking over my shoulder at the 2 sleeping boys resting behind us, Lance said, "Do you know what I am thinking right now?"
I almost felt 17 again, stumbling over my words feeling so romantic-- like I couldn't love him more-- and was so happy to be crawling over my hump...
"I'll give you 3 guesses..." he said.
Giddy, I immediately try to read his mind:  "you love us so much and are so happy with your life?", he looks at me, "well yeah, but I was thinking about something on this road."
"This road?", still trying to connect the moment with some romantic nostalgia, "Oh!  That time that we looked at that rental property just over the highway right after we got engaged?"
Him: "no?"
I am racking my brain of some make-out session that I can't remember or a song that I heard for the first time on this back road...
When he cuts into my thoughts, "that time we ran over that huge snake.  Remember?  It felt like a pipe or something.  It was huge."

And there you go.
Grounded back to reality.

If you give this mouse a cookie, she will shove it in her mouth and eat the whole damn thing without sharing.