work.

I never caught you up on my work situation.

[And I just got off the phone with my nursing supervisor-- and it sounds like this all could still change-- but for now, here goes...]

You may remember, days before delivering Beckham, I "lost my job".
Gallons of tears were shed, and finally I decided to be my own advocate, and I went to some of the doctors I work for and pleaded my case.

I have a really good relationship with most of the physicians of our practice and I think that, plus the pathetic sight a wailing 9 month pregnant girl, played to my benefit.

Chanda and I were given the call hours for these hours our office would no longer be open.
(meaning we work only 2 nights now, but make a few bucks more, and never have to leave our homes-- plus no gas bill)

I went in to deliver Beckham with a smile from ear to ear!
This awful situation had turned into my perfect scenario for a job.

Also, during this time, a physician who found my blog through my friend Kristen contacted me about a position in her practice.
Although, honored, I really couldn't give it much thought.
I had been verbally promised my dream job with a company I love.

I felt overwhelmingly blessed that she reached out to me...
I thought it was a true testament to her heart
But I had to decline her offer.

[This did, however, validate my idea that you just have to be honest about your situations in life-- people are willing to help, if they just know how they can.]

And I had to laugh at how that interview might go... she's read me curse, she's read me pray, she's seen pictures of me with my feet in stirrups... I even had a blog titled "I pooped today",  There would be no BSing in that interview!  If she has read enough, she already knows me!  :)

So I was grateful---
on all accounts.

and then things changed.

When Beckham was just a week or 2 old, the 17 doctors had a change of plan.

Night Clinic would not close, now-- but would be much different.
With 17 personalities, it would take a while for me to know exactly what my job would be... and honestly I think it is still all a bit of a cluster but bottom line, I have a job.
(Just not the exact one I had hoped for.)

It rotates offices, only some of the doctors will work it, no pay raise, no more drinks and snacks...
Same days...
Same hours. 
More of a mess-- but still a paycheck.

So now it is time.

I decided to ease back into working-- rather than jumping in head first.
(and yes, I am going back a bit sooner than I did with Maddox)

One night this week.
Two, next.
And the week of the 20th, I go back to my usual 3 nights.

I am no longer going to work every Saturday morning, even though I honestly really enjoyed them.
But I will stay in the mandatory weekend rotation, so I will have to pick up one Saturday or Sunday every month or two.
[Child care will be a major issue once we move back to Haslet-- with Lance working weekends and my mom camping with her girls.
I will have to get creative-- but I will work it out!]

So maternity leave ends for me tonight.
Kind of.

I think I am ready...
I'm definitely not excited,

(especially since I'm not working with my normal partner tonight)

but I am not miserably dreading it either, like I was after having Maddox!

I love pediatric nursing.
I love my job.
I love my friends there.

But I like it in a small quantities. :)

Pray tonight goes well! 

[I finally gave up...  Maddox takes after my brother in these-- not a picture one, with a real smile!  :)]

*UPDATE*
When I left, everyone was crying but me.
(well Lance wasn't in tears... but he was a nervous wreck, and pretty close I think!)
It was way easier this time... which makes me feel a bit guilty to admit.
Maddox was crying... and would get himself together enough to whisper, "please don't go momma"--
it was heart wrenching.
Leaving Beckham was the easy part, compared to that!

I went over the basics with Lance--
if he's crying, check his diaper-- feed him-- burp him-- swaddle him-- bounce him-- call me!
I left him plenty of pumped milk....

Or so I thought.
The little munch worm tore through all of it...
plus 2 ounce of formula...
and was ready to nurse when I walked through the door.

He is a chunk!

Goodness he's sweet.

They both are!

6 weeks

I saw this outfit in the drawer this morning when I was dressing Beckham.

I remembered that Maddox wore it to the hospital when my nephew, Gunner was born.
Maddox and Gunny are 3 days shy of being 6weeks apart

Beckham turned 6weeks yesterday, so I thought we would try it on.

(This is the same outfit... its just the difference in my old point-and-shoot vs the Canon)

Yes, they look different... but they have a lot of similarities also!
They only look this similar when they are sleeping...
since their eye shape is completely different.

It is fun to guess who Beckham will look like.
However I feel like Maddox has changed so much along the way.


***
After my 6 week post partum check up with Dr Deem on Thursday, I ran Beckham by the office for a weight check...
No one needs to tell me how small he is anymore...
my 7lb14oz chunk of love is now a whopping 10lb1oz!!

He is smiling and cooing more,
and he is so strong.
He has rolled over 3 times (crazy, I know)
But still not sleeping any better.

After the doctor's appointment, we had lunch at Chili's with Amanda and her babies,
and went to the mall to let them burn off energy.

There was a definite blog to be written after this day--
about an ornery boy--
who removed his shorts in the mall play area--
and ended his night with a spray bottle-to-tv travesty...

...About the emotions I felt hearing him cry out to me from his bed--
and the internal struggle I had to ignore him.

I blogged it in my head...
How I would paint out the details and bring humor to it, as I always try to do.
But I am deciding against it.

Maddox is at a testing age...
and his world changed so much recently.
He gives me trying days...
But all-in-all, he is a good boy.
Smart, funny, loving, compassionate, friendly and well mannered.

Since I don't blog about all the days that he is just what I expect him to be...
it really isn't fair to highlight the days he is everything I don't.
He's just two.

I need to let him be two.
And be grateful for every part of parenting him.
Of parenting them both.

I am going to do my best not to complain as much about the lack of sleep I am getting...
I am going to be grateful for the blessing of a completely healthy babies,
difficult days or not.


***
A family friend lost their baby this week, 6 months into their pregnancy--
And a co-worker of my husband's lost his 6 year old to a fluke virus.
My heart physically aches for these families...
and it sure puts life into perspective pretty quickly.

I thank God constantly for the blessings he lays upon me.
I need to be thankful for all of it.
Hard parts included.

I am blessed.
Beyond measure.
With sweet, sweet, sweet boys.


***
We made it 6 weeks.
And this past week I feel like I have found my groove.
Cooking, cleaning, playing, feeding...
getting most of it done.
Most of it.
Until it is time to do it again.


***
Time to put Maddox to bed...
And say our prayers together.
Nightly, he thanks God for a loooong list of family members and friends...
and also a potato.
Every night,
he says he is thankful for a potato.

Who knows....

I told you he is funny!  :)

Blog worthy

Maddox loves Beckham.
And I know it is true love...
because he shared Teddy with him.
[heart melts here]

We have tried to talk Maddox into a bigger, cuddlier bear...

We have tried changing Teddy's name.

Neither worked.

Maddox sleeps with Teddy every night.

(and usually some really hard and random toy, not suitable for snuggling, also)

However, the biggest news in sleep is this::

Beckham slept from 11:30 last night until 6:30 this morning.

Fed and went back to sleep until 10:00.

Maddox stayed in his bed until 9:00,
then Lance and Maddox moved to the living room so I could stay asleep.

Today, I think I caught a tiny glimpse of Heaven.

Heaven, I tell you!

Around 2:00, all 4 of us took a nap together.

A 2 hour nap.

(Maddox slept 2 1/2 hours)

Lance's work threw us a surprise shower last night (super sweet)...
and I think it wore our little man out.

Both of my boys were really bad during dinner.

They embarrassed Lance and I both.

Maddox took a trip to the bathroom (if you know what I mean) 

and honestly has not been that awful since he first turned 2.
He was put in time out in the handicap stall (post his spanking).
That was a new low for us.
 

But today it doesn't even matter.

I got sleep!!!!!!

Sweet, sweet sleep!

I know this was just a fluke.

He'll be up all night again...

I just wanted to brag a little.

You know, savor the moment.

That's all.

Today the clouds parted...

The angels sang...

And momma got rest!!! 

Thank you, thank you, sweet- sweet boy.

Finally-- I wanted to share this.
Random, I know.
But you might find it fun.

Lance and I had to do this exercise with our preacher before we got married...
Since we were both home, we took it again...
Its kind of fun to see your results...
People tend to show their love the way they want to be loved.
I wasn't surprised by my results.
You can't buy my love or friendship-- just tell me why you love me and unload the dishwasher for me... that's what I need!


Take your test here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Here are my results:

	10 Words of Affirmation 8 Acts of Service 6 Physical Touch 4 Quality Time 2 Receiving Gifts
	Here are Lances:
	We both scored highest with Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important–hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. No wonder Maddox tells us how much he loves us a trillion times a day... He probably hears it double that!