yesterday

The boys and I went to the park...
Don't let the pictures fool you.
Beckham screamed the entire walk there and back...

I tripped over Maddox while trying to take a picture of his parachute-- fell to the ground-- on my knees-- camera slamming into a park bench!!  I chipped the edge of my lens [the plastic rim is jacked] on my good camera.  It looks terrible but it still takes pictures... so I don't know?!

What I thought felt like perfect park-weather was actually muggy-humid-hot-and miserable... and my wheels on the jogger are a little low so I was breathing like I had ran a 5K by the time I made it home.

Ultimately, Maddox loaded himself into the stroller after only 30 minutes of playing-- because he was "thirsty and ready to go home".
I obliged.

[It made for a few cute pictures any how!]

Back home, I had to get ready-- because I had a doctor's appointment before work.
Operation:: Holly-attempts-school-again was in full effect and since I am not 30, I had to get a Menactra vaccine before I could register.  [apparently it is a new law]

If I have never mentioned before, I hate shots.
Hate.
My mouth was sticky and I was light headed before she stuck me... no lie.
I faked her out twice-- asking her to 'hold on a second' so I could take another deep breath.
Trying to decide left arm [since I am right handed] or right arm [since it is my strong arm]...
I went with the right.

The nurse was so sweet and honestly, it didn't hurt that bad.
It did not matter, however, because I had to have it so I could register.
What's a girl to do?!

And I was prepared to do just that post vaccine.
Register.

I set timers in my calendar on my phone over the last month.
*When to apply to the school itself.
*Transcript request.
*To call the school and make sure I had a log in after all of the issues last semester...
and then for yesterday-- the day I could finally register.

Logged in and ready to go, I realized that this "online class" comes with a lab that I have to go to the college to do.
Two days a week, an hour across town.

Lance is off Wednesdays and Thursdays...
but I had to choose Monday-Wednesday or Tuesday-Thursday.
Without childcare, there is just no way.

I was really bummed, but I did what I usually do...
I called my mom.

She is planning on retiring (that's what we are calling it, but frankly she is just quitting) this summer.
So If I wait until next semester, she can keep the boys for me the day that Lance can't.
It will work out.

I just want to get this done.
Now.
Maddox starts school in three 2 1/2 years...
and that's my time line to finish.

Patience, Holly.
be still.

I may take that art appreciation class-- or I may take nothing this semester.
Either way, I am now protected against meningitis.
$25 wasted.

Oh well.
I have my entire life to figure this all out...
Or 2 1/2 years...
whichever map I decide to be on.

It will all work out.
It always does.

keep 'em come'n

Beckham went down at like 9:00 last night and was up to feed by 11:00. Maddox was crying by midnight that he needed to potty and I was anticipating a long night.

But hold on to your hats... my hunch was wrong!!

At 5:00am I woke up to silence... surely as a mother, you know that anxious feeling I had in my gut. 
I crept into their room, holding my breath, waiting for that moment I felt Mr-typically-likes-to-munch-every-36-minutes-at-night's back rise and fall. 
After realizing that my baby was still alive, that both boys were still out,  I did a little happy dance and went back to sleep.

The next thing I know, the clock says 8:30 and my house is still silent.
[My chest was about to explode, but both boys were still out!!]

I quietly pumped 8 ounces from one side--
and then broke the golden rule,
I woke a sleeping baby.

He happily relieved the pain from my left side and then his big brother woke up shortly thereafter.

Remember yesterday I said that I needed groceries?
I went for it.

Hey!  I was feeling lucky!

I do believe this was my first time to take both boys shopping alone.
Honestly, I rarely do anything without Lance.
Or at least my mom.

I tucked Beckham into the Baby k'tan, bribed Maddox with a 'wolwy pop'...
and off we went.

Isle after isle, we shopped...
Maddox asked approximately 479 questions... but stayed beside the buggy.
No running off... no asking if we could buy everything in site... no surprise purchases at check out.
Beckham nursed.  (in the k'tan-- hands free-- no nipplage for the strangers)... smiled... and flirted with old women.
No one cried...
Not even me.

Bottom line... we kicked WalMart's butt today.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, I realized that I was smiling from ear to ear...
proud.
Accomplished.
Like a rockstar!

We came home un-loaded groceries and I made this mac and cheese.
Kind of.
I didn't have nutmeg... and I thought it tasted chalky so I did add some Velveeta.
Then I covered it in bread crumbs [actually, they were out of date so I used shake and bake-- don't judge] and I cooked and crumbed bacon on top and baked it.
Lance liked it.
I thought it was okay-- and more work than it was worth.

While I am sharing recipes...

I have to share these nuggets.

Not quite chickfila... but close.

And really good

Anywho... back to my day.

Dinner ready-- 

I had to head out to work.

I love my job.

I love my partner.

I love my unorthodox schedule.

Most of the time.

Tonight, I hated it.

I missed Maddox's first parade.

My high school's parade with my family.

[And we all know I live for that kind of stuff.]

Thankfully Lance took the boys so they didn't have to miss out

And I sent my camera.

Together, we can enjoy the happiness via photos.

And I can tell you how excited my sweet baby was when he called me at work and told me all about it.
[sometimes I could just eat his sweet little face off!!]

Finally, I have to share this picture:

I layed Beckham in his crib, turned Maddox's tv on, tucked him in, read the same flipping story we read every night his Cars book and said our prayers, and Beckham was silent. [asleep I thought]

I left the room and came back about 10 minutes later to check on everyone, and B was attentively watching some Nick Jr.

My word!!

I love that sweet face.

And I loved this great day.

Another one down.

Keep'em come'n!!

Blog worthy

Maddox loves Beckham.
And I know it is true love...
because he shared Teddy with him.
[heart melts here]

We have tried to talk Maddox into a bigger, cuddlier bear...

We have tried changing Teddy's name.

Neither worked.

Maddox sleeps with Teddy every night.

(and usually some really hard and random toy, not suitable for snuggling, also)

However, the biggest news in sleep is this::

Beckham slept from 11:30 last night until 6:30 this morning.

Fed and went back to sleep until 10:00.

Maddox stayed in his bed until 9:00,
then Lance and Maddox moved to the living room so I could stay asleep.

Today, I think I caught a tiny glimpse of Heaven.

Heaven, I tell you!

Around 2:00, all 4 of us took a nap together.

A 2 hour nap.

(Maddox slept 2 1/2 hours)

Lance's work threw us a surprise shower last night (super sweet)...
and I think it wore our little man out.

Both of my boys were really bad during dinner.

They embarrassed Lance and I both.

Maddox took a trip to the bathroom (if you know what I mean) 

and honestly has not been that awful since he first turned 2.
He was put in time out in the handicap stall (post his spanking).
That was a new low for us.
 

But today it doesn't even matter.

I got sleep!!!!!!

Sweet, sweet sleep!

I know this was just a fluke.

He'll be up all night again...

I just wanted to brag a little.

You know, savor the moment.

That's all.

Today the clouds parted...

The angels sang...

And momma got rest!!! 

Thank you, thank you, sweet- sweet boy.

Finally-- I wanted to share this.
Random, I know.
But you might find it fun.

Lance and I had to do this exercise with our preacher before we got married...
Since we were both home, we took it again...
Its kind of fun to see your results...
People tend to show their love the way they want to be loved.
I wasn't surprised by my results.
You can't buy my love or friendship-- just tell me why you love me and unload the dishwasher for me... that's what I need!


Take your test here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/

Here are my results:

	10 Words of Affirmation 8 Acts of Service 6 Physical Touch 4 Quality Time 2 Receiving Gifts
	Here are Lances:
	We both scored highest with Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important–hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. No wonder Maddox tells us how much he loves us a trillion times a day... He probably hears it double that!

memorial day weekend

As the rest of the world was counting down the days until their three day weekend...
I was dreading its arrival.

Lance went back to work Friday.

I anticipated much more anxiety than I really had, Friday was good.

We didn't sleep well Thursday night.  (but what else is new)
We woke up to a phone call that my grandparents were in the area and were going to stop by.
I apologized for the messy house and pajamas but told them to come on...

Maddox missed his daddy like crazy on Friday...
Beckham spent the day practicing his smile.

After Lance got home, we went to Bridgeport to pick up a prescription for Beckham's bleeding and peeling bottom.  (the 2nd Rx)
We stopped at Chicken Express for food on the way home and each got a large drink.
Lance had brought a cup of tea from the house and I was going to finish it off so I could set our drinks in the cup holders.
To my surprise, my husband cleared him phlem into the cup, shortly before I got a drink.

Immediately, I was hurling.
Lance pulled the car over so I could vomit.
I'm talking about the from-the-bottom-of-your-toes ear-wrenching sounds were coming from this body.
...Only to look up and see we had pulled into the yard of a family trying to enjoy a summer's BBQ.

What a joke.
What a disgusting, horrifying, still-makes-me-nauseous joke!

We left there and headed to mom's.
She had promised Maddox he could come up and water her flowers and he ended up spending the night.
Lance and I were in bed by 10:00...  but Beckham didn't get the memo.
We fed at 10:00, 1:00, 3:30, 6:00, and 9:00.  (I even tried "topping him off" with formula that night, to buy some extra sleep.
(I should have got a refund)

After the 9:00 feed, I headed to mom's to pick up Maddox.
Together we went to the antique mall in Azle and Walmart.
Both boys did really well while we were out... 
Saturday was good

Saturday night, however,  was a disaster.
Beckham woke up every 3 hours to feed.  (typical)
He peed all over my side, on my pillow, and soaked his nightgown during a diaper change.
He refused to go back to sleep after his 1:00 feed... keeping us me awake until 3:30.

Coinsidenly, Maddox (who has always been a great sleeper) woke up on an alternate schedule.
to tell me he needed to go potty...
and then he fell out of his bed...
he cried because there was a monster in his room...
and by morning, would not stop talking or touching sleeping Beckham.
Oh, and he was starving...
(incredibly atypical)

Lance and I may or may not have divorced during the night when he told me to calm down after the pee episode.  (the pee catastrophe fell at the end of the 2 1/2 hours of wake-ness)
Calm down?
I have not slept in 6 weeks... even if I wanted to sleep, my side of the bed is soaked, and it is inevitable-- the moment I close my eyes someone is going to need me--
do. not. tell me. to calm down.

Oh, wait is it 3:45?-- is that your alarm wailing in my ear?-- are we really going to hit snooze 3 times?
For the love of all things great and mighty... Can't I just sleep?!

Calm down, he says.
Sheese.

On, what felt like a minute of sleep, I crawled out of bed to begin my day.
My very busy day.

I realized, rather quickly, that the "perfect baby" that I have been gloating about for weeks-- may only have been so perfect because he was touching me the first 5 weeks of his life.
He is sort of spoiled.
And I am not writing this in the cute-- 'oh-my-baby-is-spoiled-rotten' sort of way.
I am writing this in the, 'stabbing-myself-in-the-eye-with-a-sharp-object' sort of way.

Now that I don't have an extra set of hands, he is showing his true colors.
Which are vivid!!
Every time I put him down longer than 5 minutes, he fusses.
He is still not a big cry-er... but he is certainly not content without his momma, either. 

The swing... he hates it.
The bouncy seat... it sucks too.

By 10:00am I was spent.
And crying...
and feeling like I wasn't cut out for this job.

So I did what any good wife would do.
I called Lance at work.
In hysterics.

He picked up the phone to a tearful, rambled mess of, "I am so tried!", "I could do this if I could just sleep.", "I am sorry, I thought I could handle it..."  "I am not a good mom"... "I am not patient"... "I am taking it out on Maddox."... "If I could just rest"... "sleep."... "so much to do today"... "I just need sleep"... "could Maddox please just shut-up"... all with a screaming infant in the back-ground.

He thought I should stay home and try and rest, but I knew that was impossible.
The house is a disaster, the 2 year old won't sleep...
If I stay here, I'll be practicing my swan dives off of the back porch by noon...
I'm leaving.

So we did.

First stop; Kade's 3rd birthday party.

Kade's mommy (Mandy) and I have been friends since the first grade.
She was my very first friend in Paradise, and together we made a million memories.
Our brothers were the same age and also BFF so we all grew up together.
Mandy and I fought like sisters, laughed like sisters, and ended up having babies together too. 
Kade is just a couple months older than Maddox; and Beckham and Grant are 3 months apart. 

I have been telling Maddox about the party since we got the invite and he was excited to go!
He picked him out a beach ball sprinkler and 3D bubbles that have stars in them when you wear the special glasses.
For days he has talked about his "little brother A" and how he is going to share the bubbles and the ball with him!

Mandy did a BLUE themed party (Kade's favorite color) and everyone was supposed to dress accordingly!
The kid's played their hearts out in the bounce house and swing set... and stuffed their faces with cake!

I got to chat with Po and Randi (my SIL)
And for a minute, I forgot how tired I really was.

From there, we picked up Lance and headed out to his sisters' for a cook out.

Jenn is the queen of snacky, can-I-copy-that-recipe, food!
She made a grape salad (that I will dream about for weeks), a broccoli salad, stuffed ritz crackers wrapped in bacon, chipotle cream cheese dip, and Texas caviar.  (but a better variation than I have had before)
It was all delicious!
Lance's dad brought burgers, brauts and hot dogs.
We brought steak and chicken, and Lance's brother brought salmon and veggies.
YUM.

The kids played and played...

The babies slept, ate, and were passed around for the gaulking!
[My BIL's baby, Lorna, is about 3 month older than Beckham, and they got to meet each other for the first time.]

We played the xbox Kinect game.
I enjoyed a glass of red wine and we did what we do best when we get together.
We laughed.
 
I felt delusionally tired on our drive home, probably more tired than the day we came home from the hospital, but was so glad I decided to go to all of our planned events for the day.

What started out as the worst day yet, parenting these two...
turned out to be an awesome day.

And get this... an even awesome-er night!

Beckham slept from 11:00-4:00!!!
Nursed at 4:00, back to sleep by 5:00.
Up again at 7:00, but only for about 10 minutes and then was awoken by his brother at 9:00.

Boo-ya-ka!!!
How' that for some sleep!!

Yesterday, refueled, we went to mom's to soak up the sun.
$15 was a great investment for this little plastic pool.
Maddox did not want to get out!

5 hours in that little pool [most of it naked] + multiple layers of sunscreen = one happy [and tired] little boy.

Mom grilled chicken and pork chops-- red potatoes, mac'n'cheese, corn, and baked beans.
I cleaned the kitchen--
and we headed home.

It ended up being a fantastic holiday weekend... despite my fear of the unknown!!

[and guess what?!  It is already Tuesday (Lance's Friday)... so I have my husband home again for the next 2 days!!]  :)