Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Our Sunday to remember

September 2007 to July 2009, I was period free. 
Pregnancy and nursing took care of that annoying wench from coming around every 28 days.
For 22 months I didn't buy tampons, never felt bloated, bitchy or nuts.

But then she returned.

Just days after Maddox's first birthday, I was greeted with a tsunami of emotions, a tidal wave of cramps, and the blessed period, whom I never missed.

For the first time in my life I had real PMS.

Each month it worsened little by little, mostly on the emotional side of things.
In recent months I despised it.  I could tell when the symptoms were coming on, and would warn my husband that the beast was coming out.
We would jump on that train and ride.
It was typically a bumpy ride.

I talked to my OB/GYN in March about herbal remedies, because I didn't want to go the birth control route.  (I am married and I think I earned the right to keep hormone therapy out of my body.) and I didn't want to medicate with a mood stimulator either, because when I wasn't PMSing, I was my normal, happy self.

Each month would creep up however, and it felt worse than the one it's previous.
Symptoms seemed to come sooner each month and began lasting closer to two weeks, rather than one.

Sometimes I was emotional, other times down right evil.
Sometimes I seemed withdrawn, because I would try and eat my sensitive feelings, mean thoughts/ words, and just came across flat or uncaring.

June was bad.
July was worse.

It came to a point that I thought, "I don't want to be married, I don't want to be 'here'.  I hate this feeling I have.  I am done."
Lance would patiently say, "okay, I'll just give you a few days to roll out of this... you always do."
And I would.

I would beat myself up over the way I acted, or the thoughts I had, once it was all over.  I would worry that I would end up like others I know who checked out at some point and never came back.
All that they lost...
All that they missed...
All because of something going crazy inside their brain.

I talked to my best friends about what I was going through.  Most of them told me that they too has PMS issues after having their kids, and knew exactly what I was talking about.
One of these friends assured me that medication would make me like myself more and talked me into calling my doctor.

Three separate times I called.
The first time I hung up.  I rationed with myself that if I flattened the sad, mad, bad emotions... I would inevitably flatten the belly laughs, outgoing, big loving, fun side of me too.
The 2nd time I waited forever on hold.  And again, hung up.
The 3rd time, I was disconnected as they attempted to transfer me to the nurse's voice mail.

I took it as a sign, and didn't call again.

..........

August came and I geared up for my PMS to begin.
After 2 really hard months, I knew this could be bad.  Really bad.  Again.

But it didn't come.
I stayed happy and witty.  Laughing and being goofy.  I still cried, but not at self-centered things, more at random blogs, commercials or 2 minute segments on the 9:00 news.
I found myself sitting in Lance's lap to watch tv.
Looking at him with googly eyes.
And feeling more in love with him than I have in months, heck maybe since Maddox was born.

And I knew it.
I was pregnant.

I am one of those weird people that gleam with happiness during pregnancy.
I feel full of bliss, alive, happy and content.
And I cling like a magnet to Lance.
I adore the way he holds me, the way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, the way he dresses, the way he parents, his goofy side, his rare but serious side, everything.  I adore his presence.
I see him for exactly who he is.  Who I married.  And as my very patient, best friend.

And that is how I felt again.
..........
Before I ever took a test, I just knew.

Lance and I were going to the Ranger game on Wednesday and I had plans to tell him there, the same way I told him about Maddox, with a TX Ranger outfit. [remember the jersey story here?]
(although this time I was actually going to buy an infant outfit!)

But things changed.

We found out Saturday that Lance's dad was going to have to work out of state for 3 months and would be leaving that same week.
We set up breakfast to chat before he left and send our love and goodbyes.
We love his dad to pieces.
And he loves us too.

I asked Lance Saturday night if  we were pregnant, if he would want to tell his dad before he left for North Carolina... he responded, "Are we pregnant?", and I was honest... "I'm not sure?  However, I should be PMSing right now and I don't have a machete to your jugular, so I am a little suspicious!"

I woke up Sunday morning and ran to Dollar General before his dad got to our house.
I bought 1 $5 test and 2 $1 tests.
I was suppose to start on Monday and my cycle is like clock work.

The $5 test could be taken 3 days before your missed period and the other 2 were only to be taken after you had missed it.

As a team of 3, we took the test.

Immediately a plus popped up.
Faint.
But positive.

It was too early to take the other two tests, but Lance wanted clarification.

Just as his dad rang the doorbell, Lance said.  "Let's not tell him."
..........


It hurt my feelings.
'I ruined my entire plan of exposing this pregnancy to you for your dad's sake and for his trip and now you want me to hold my tongue?'
What kind of crap is that?
There is no fun story for the baby book now, no Texas Ranger jersey to blog about later.  This is it.
A cheap, Dollar General brand test, with a pitiful faint plus sign.
So Tony came in, raving about my new car.  He was telling me how much he loved it and that's what he would probably get when he purchases his next car.
And while Lance was still getting ready, I replied, "We love it too.  Probably not the best time to down size, but it will still hold 2 car seats, it should be fine."
He kept playing with Maddox for a moment and then it clicked.
He said, "Are you pregnant?!"
And I just cried!

He gave me a hug and told me how excited he was....


And that was our Sunday.
The Sunday I have held out on!
Our Sunday to Remember.
.......... 
The two $1 tests were used the next 2 mornings, and our appointment on the 18th completely confirmed our pregnancy for us!
We have a sono on September 1 (our move out date) and then vacation 9/7.
Busy. Busy.
But yay for another Erwin baby!

And double YAY for God's timing.  
..........
As a God-fearing girl, I have to believe this was a slight nudge, a back hand if you will, reminding me how great I have it, how amazing my husband is, and how selfish I have been.  
I need to focus on the here and now, rather than always looking outside the box, and worrying that there is something more that I am missing.
I just imagine him saying, "You think you know your plans for life... I'll show you, my child, otherwise!" 

..........
In my life, I have been fair or decent at a lot of things, good at a few, but only great at one.  And I am thrilled to my core about being great at two.   


..........
This isn't FB news yet...
I think Lance gets to spill the beans first this time...
But I thought you that actually care about our family enough to read our family blog, could know!  ;)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

a weekend at mom's

Maddox and I stayed with mom last night.  
She kept Gunner and Ellie too, so that Weeder and Randi could have a date night.  
The kids had such a great time playing together.
Maddox is wore smooth out today!
I am too, after sleeping with a herd of children.
But listening to Ellie act 16 and the boys playing at the rate of a million a minute...
the giggles, the bossies, the laughs and even the squeals...
It was an awesome time.

We are moving!

Today our potential renters came to see the house
one last time...

They scoped, prodded, and questioned me too...

but signed!
(well, we shook hands on it... the renters are my best friend from HS parents.  I'm not even collecting a deposit.  Contract yes, but no money down.  And we didn't have to put anything down either.)

They are going to fill out the paperwork and get the first month's payment to me next week!!!

So that means...
I have 10 days to get this house, and 3 years worth of collected crap, packed and out of here.

We are excited about our new (but very old) farm house.

We love the view from the back den, over-looking a field of 50 acres and cattle, and the pond for our little boy, and we could literally walk to my mom's.  Well-- it would be a long walk, since they live on the 160 acres backing up to this piece of land... but it could be done!

I am excited about taking on the adventure of turning this house into something that is ours.  There is tons of character in this old farm house... and I think I can make it cute.

If not, the money we save on this crazy idea that we've embarked upon, will be worth it!

I'm sitting here, thinking about what I need to be doing.  But I'm not moving.  I'm sitting.  Overwhelmed.

Monday, August 16, 2010

a week full...

I still have to go back to Sunday at some point...
Promise.
I will.
It's big.

Monday:
Was simple.  We met the Byford's for a last minute birthday lunch.
Then I worked.

Tuesday:
I kept Kristen's girls while she ran errands.  We got to chat a little in between appointments, and we are looking forward to our vacation to see them in a few weeks!
Lance and David went to pick up our Ranger tickets (thanks Dave for getting those for us) and then went to the Cowboys practice at the stadium.  Lance had a great time.  (but he didn't take pics)

I worked that night, so Mom kept Maddox for me again... well, he basically lived with her this week. 
 

Wednesday:
Lance and I ran errands around town.  

We had to buy the gifts for all of our parties on Saturday.
We met Kimberly and Cambrie for lunch at Chilis... Tony Romo's dad was set right next to us.
I was going to take a picture, but Lance shot down the idea.
 
That night we (myself, Lance, Tommy Clutter, Allison, and Karleigh) went to the Ranger game...
The Yankees won.  :(
It was one million degrees.  Double :(
It didn't go into over time, thankfully.  :)
And we set in the 'all you can eat' section.  Triple :)
We drove back to mom's after the game, and stayed the night there.

Thursday:
I am racking my brain, but I can not remember a single thing about Thursday.
I know I worked that night.
I know Maddox made a huge mess in a dining room chair.

But that's all I remember.
hummm???
Wait, I do remember, that at about midnight Thursday night, I randomly looked at my calendar to see that I was working Friday morning.
Nice.
I rarely work during the day, so I had completely forgot about signing up for that.
Glad I looked.

Friday:
I worked until noon.
I came home to get Maddox and then went right back to Fort Worth to run a few errands for mom.

I picked up my ring that Lance bought me over 2 years ago. 
I love this ring! 
He got it when Whitehall was going out of business, just because he's sweet.
And he got a killer deal on it.
2 years later, it is sized!
Maddox and I tackled the mall, Target, Walmart, and the Dollar Tree, all without a stroller.
Shopping with a 2 year old, without a stroller-- is like driving a car without a steering wheel.
Mostly impossible..... but he did great!
He was rewarded with ice cream from McDonalds.

Saturday:
I had intentions of going to 3 birthday parties for 4 kiddos.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it back to Bridgeport for little Landry's party.
I was spent.
 
David bought a new truck Saturday, so thankfully mom met me at my house (while he was signing up the paperwork) rather than me having to drive all the way to Paradise and then right back to Fort Worth.
[Lucky for Pop, the truck was Maddox approved!] 

But most things with Pop are approved by my boy!

It gave me more time to get ready for the Burlesque themed night.

One of my best friends from high school (Katie LaFreniere) is marrying her high school sweetheart on October 9th.  We had a shower for her in their suite and then on to 8.0 fir dinner.  (Thanks to Aunt Missy who hooked me up with the Passion party 'supplies' for my gift... I followed the instructions of the invitation which said this wasn't your typical lingerie shower, but I have to admit-- I was one of few who did follow the rules-- making me look like I was wild!) 
I left after dinner, but I'm pretty sure the rest of them tore the town up!
Wish I could hang.
But I was way too tired.

I drove out to mom's and stayed the night again.

Sunday:
Maybe this should have gone under the Saturday column?
I sat with Katie's mom at the shower because other than her sister, I didn't know many people there.
We were chatting and I mentioned that we live in Haslet. She said they were looking to rent in this area but needed to get in quick and asked if I knew of anything. Without thinking, I popped off and said, "cover my mortgage, and I can be out in 2 weeks..." and she said it sounded good. I talked to Lance, and he's all for it-- and she called Sunday to make sure I was still on board. They are coming Tuesday to look at it.
I'm worked myself crazy yesterday... Moving tv's and other things I shouldn't. But trying to get things in order!! 
My sister and Karleigh came for reinforcement... but everyone is still sleeping now.

Today: we will finish scrubbing, and hopefully they will want to rent it.
We will save $4200 over the next 6 months by moving to Paradise, not to mention we will be in the country, on 80 acres of land, close to mom.
We would have to be out by September 1.
In case you are in to math, that is a little over 2 weeks.
Then we leave for vacation September 7.
What a wild ride we are taking on...
But if it all pans out, I think it will be worth it.
Stay tuned!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

what a weekend!

Friday we bought a car.
I really like it.
Its $100 less a month.
And cheaper at the tank than my Tahoe.
















Maddox did great at the dealership... but Friday's experience was far less stressful than Wednesday's.
Our sales man gave him a couple of cars, and he found a ramp.
Enough said.
I love my pearl white Murano.
It drives like a car.
It has some upgrades.that my Tahoe didn't have
*leather seats
*sunroof
*backup camera
*dual DVD players
*Bose 6 disk CD player

But its a bit more snug.
I don't think I'll notice the difference in room...
but Lance may.


I was on call Friday night.
Maddox and I met my parents for dinner in Decatur.
Casa Torres is yum, and its one of the few places I can order tortilla soup, cut the chicken!!
The rain was nice, and the 75 degrees that came with it was even nicer.

Saturday morning I worked.
We went to the lake when I got off.
I got my mom on the toob!  And Maddox sat on it a minute too!
We had sandwiches and watermelon.
Although Maddox fed most of his melon to the fish!
The lake was so smooth and not crowded at all.
It sure didn't feel like a Saturday.
We couldn't have asked for a better day to knee board.
I conquered my first complete 360 on the knee board Saturday.
I can get backwards but I always flip back towards the boat the same way I got backwards.
This was a complete circle.
Here's the video of me busting just after I completed it.
My mom is great at a lot of things.... videoing is not one of them!

video

 Sunday (the most eventful of all of our weekend days) we took my father in law to breakfast.  He is about to go out of state for a bit to work and we wanted to have some time with him before he left.
He and Lance are going to the range Tuesday, so we went to Cabela's after breakfast for some 'gun-stuff'.
Came home and cleaned my couch with a professional carpet cleaner, and then did nothing.
Luckily my house is already pretty clean, but I need to get up now so that I can get the house clean-clean before Lance gets home!


The most eventful part of our day today, deserves its own post.
Stay tuned for that.  ;)